try to find someone on the internet to talk to. It's really easy to make friends online, and it takes up a lot of your time.
go to chat rooms. they are plenty of fun.
I wouldn't suggest chat rooms like the previous Secret Admirers. Try getting yourself in some kind of classes, socialize in real life, try something that will make your passive self disappear. Like a martial art or something.
Your problem is that maybe you aren't very interesting, being passive, ordinary, stuff like that make people bored, and so they dont want to stick around you.
Hey, this guy sounds like me. Except he's probably cooler.
(-__-)...
>>1 have you ever even tried to get someone special in your life? imagine that you did have that super special someone in your life, what would happen? what would you talk about? how would you interact? what would she like most about you? what would she dislike most about you? and so on until created a virtual relationship that you can use as generic model to implement in reality. then head outdoors and not a give a fuck and pull some digits. the world doesnt give a damn whether you win or fail so just continually try, fail, learn, and eventually take and own.
LONELY AND? WATCH THIS LONELY DICK LET OFF IN YOUR THROAT BITCH
like that
I've always tried to get a girlfriend, but they all reject me. Most of them say I'm not their type and the ones who are more honest in their opinion say I'm not good-looking enough (which means they think I'm ugly). I've tried a million times at uni and it gave me the reputation of the guy who can't get a gf. I'm actually quite naive and keep trying, but every time they reject me. They say looks are not that important, but according to them I am way below average which makes it impossible for them to be with me. As you might understand, this is quite frustrating. I've been at uni for ages on purpose because I wanted to stay in the scene until I found a gf. After many years I gave up and graduated. Now I'm 31 and still being rejected. I'm working full-time and never meet new girls because of my daily routine. When I do meet a girl once a year, she almost automatically runs away from me when she sees me. It's really frustrating to be so unattractive that no girl wants to be with you. They don't even give me a change to let them know me. They all ignore me or go away. If I try to make contact, they're like "NO WAY!!!".
Because of my current age I don't have that much options anymore. Since every girl reject me, even though I do my best, I think I'll just die lonely. I'm actually not pitying myself. I just consider it a fact that some people like myself are born with this curse. I try to fight out of it, but if you're too unattractive it's no use. Ever noticed how good-looking guys don't need to do anything special? They just have to be present and all the girls go to him as if he's a magnet. They are all open to him and give him all the chances he needs. But they won' give me a chance at all. Even the not so good-looking girls are way too arrogant to me.
Everywhere I go, I try to get to know girls. It doesn't matter where, but they always literally walk away from me because they think I'm scary. Sometimes I'd rather be a baboon because they all look alike and can get it on with every female. Because of all this shit I've developed a secret form of hatred toward females.
>>7 Damn, i don't even know what to say. Your post really made me think again about the amount of boys like you i rejected. When I did reject them, i felt bad about it, but since i don't like pitying people i decided not to care too much ... Mainly because i didn't want to be false and actually go out with them, when i couldn't stand their faces (or personalitties, most of them were really weak and clingy, and i don't like that) ...
My thought about this is that ... Maybe trying to ask girls as unattractive as you out ? It could prove interesting once you found out about her inner self, no ?
OP.
>>4
I am in classes. I'm studying some child care-centric classes at the moment. However, my job doesn't let me get into too much. At the moment, it's once a month, because I work eight hours a day five days a week and need the other two to recuperate and get rid of any illnesses I've contracted from the kids at work.
>>5
I don't know if cool is a word I'd use to describe myself. Thanks, though. I think?
>>6
Yes, I have. I've had a girlfriend who broke up with me because she didn't have the same feelings for me anymore. She was a little cold, but she'd had a lot of boyfriends. I think I was one of those "rebound relationships", though I didn't notice it at the time. She'd just dumped a guy and I was the one who usually comforted her when she was sad or upset. We didn't have that much in common, but I had a lot of fun with her. We'd get into little arguments (not serious ones) about music. She liked emo and rap while I like classical and Celtic music. I'm not sure what she liked the most about me. The thing she disliked the most is that I worried to much about her (though I think I didn't. Is it legitimate to want to talk to your girlfriend about how she's feeling if she cut herself multiple times with a razor blade?). But, to quote Northern Exposure, sometimes when you look back on a situation, you realize it wasn't all you thought it was. A beautiful girl walked into your life. You fell in love. Or did you? Maybe it was only a childish infatuation, or maybe just a brief moment of vanity. Take and own? I don't quite follow that.
>>7 I can relate to a degree. I've only had one girlfriend; the one above. A few things.
->They say looks are not that important, but according to them I am way below average which makes it impossible for them to be with me. As you might understand, this is quite frustrating.
This really gets me about girls, too, because, honestly, I don't think looks are important. When they're 70, they're all going to be old, and unless they're three quarters action figure, their looks will fade. A kind heart is what I look for.
->It's really frustrating to be so unattractive that no girl wants to be with you.
When you say unattractive, how do you mean? Fat? Skinny? Deformed? A lot of things can be changed if you're willing to put the requirements into it.
->I think I'll just die lonely. I'm actually not pitying myself. I just consider it a fact that some people like myself are born with this curse
I used to be like that, and was actually quite comfortable in it. I was bitter at first, but then just grew comfortable with it. Unfortunately, that comfort got taken away, and I've been left up the creek without a paddle.
->Ever noticed how good-looking guys don't need to do anything special? They just have to be present and all the girls go to him as if he's a magnet. They are all open to him and give him all the chances he needs. But they won' give me a chance at all. Even the not so good-looking girls are way too arrogant to me.
Good-looking guys are mostly arrogant jerks. As girls get older, they'll realise that. (I think...) Also, are looks important to you?
>>8 Well, at least you were being honest, I suppose. Perhaps you should look to your own advice, too, though. "It could prove interesting once you found out about her inner self, no?"
>Well, at least you were being honest, I suppose. Perhaps you should look to your own advice, too, though. "It could prove interesting once you found out about her inner self, no?"
>>8 here
Most women are pretty stuck to this type of things because they had this childhood with enchanted princes and less about their personalities, though with age they start caring about personality, like i do, we still go for the image, and not just the personality.
In truth i do have a boyfriend and he's not that good-looking but i am completely in love with him, and we've been together for a long time now, he too has an image, though it's more related to the things he did in his past, and does now, because he's strong and reliable. He's attractive, and so am I. I don't want to sound arrogant at all, I'm trying to analyze the situation so that i can maybe help.
Just wanted to say that not only looks matter, but sensuality or image matters a lot too. So whoever wants to look for a girlfriend should create their own image, the generic nice guy doesn't work anymore, at least not with most of the girls. It is not sad or bad that women work this way, they just do.
It doesn't necessarily mean that I am less intelligent than a woman who likes unattractive guys, it just means I work that way, and there is no point to change it because ... It's only a relationship, i don't value them that much. If there is love, there is, if there isn't, there simply isn't, there a lot more things to love in this world, to whom we can dedicate our lives to.
Great genius were made like that, love yourself, and your work above everything else, that is a great big step to having women like you btw.
If you're anything like me, be careful about getting hurt! Because when you're lonely, it makes it that much more painful when you finally do find someone special and you lose them.
My girlfriend doesn't love me the way I love her; our relationship is a low priority in her life, while to me it means everything. As soon as something else comes up, we both know she'll be gone. I have this terrible feeling it's going to end painfully for me. Before I met her, I was lonely like you describe, and gave myself completely to her even when I knew she didn't reciprocate. I shouldn't have done that, because now I am completely dependent on her.
I guess the point is that if you do finally meet someone special, don't put all your hopes in them even if it's tempting. Otherwise you could end up even more lonely than you were before.
>>10, a lot of guys I know are like this.
->i do have a boyfriend and he's not that good-looking but i am completely in love with him, and we've been together for a long time now, he too has an image, though it's more related to the things he did in his past, and does now, because he's strong and reliable. He's attractive, and so am I. I don't want to sound arrogant at all, I'm trying to analyze the situation so that i can maybe help.
When you say strong, how do you mean? Physically? Emotionally? I know a lot of girls go for the physically strong guys. I'm not that strong physically (I'm not weak, but I'm not strong), but I'm very strong emotionally. I suppose it's easy to judge a book by its cover, though. I'm not saying that's bad or anything, as with you, it's just the way it is. Thanks for your input.
>>11, this kind of happened to me with my ex. But, the relationship wasn't the be all and end all of my life for most of it. Unfortunately, I had a relapse into depression in the midst of it and I think we were using eachother as emotional crutches. I think it's dangerous being in a relationship, but you don't get anything if you don't put anything in. I trusted my ex completely, but she broke up with me via a one-liner e-mail (I actually posted about that here). I guess that's just the way the cookie crumbles.
>>12-13
I don't have enough time to be spending on the internet too often, anyway. I want someone who I can talk to face to face.
>When you say strong, how do you mean? Physically? Emotionally? I know a lot of girls go for the physically strong guys.
Emotionally strong, aggressive and good-hearted. Has aggressive facial traits, but yet smoothing eyes; expressing his personality that way.
>I suppose it's easy to judge a book by its cover, though.
It is. And that's why your job (and everyone who wants to have a social life, etc) is to take all of your best things (and some of your bad things, just for the little sour touch, :P right?), and create an image, so that people can judge you, and be accurate about it because you represent what you truly are. To me, that is all that clothes mean: Creating your image so that you can be honest with everyone.
It's fun to play with it, people will think highly of you for taking a slight effort, after some weeks, it'll be nearly automatic if you do this daily. The results will be visible, every slightly good looking person who starts taking care of their image, if they already have a good personality, will be discovered by others, happened to me and lots of other people i know. Like i said, I'm not that good looking, i have some exotic traits that i take advantage of, and dress accordingly to who I am.
(In my case & personal opinion i think that this is very very troubling, so my image is a mix of different pieces from very very different shops, just things i love, showing that i don't care that much but yet i have a lot of passion; i wear clothes that i like, but i don't see what matches and what does not).
This is important, if your looks don't naturally represent your personality:
Pick these things up, and play with me, trying to express yourself. It might be very hard at first, it might not, but if you really care, you will even find it fun. You don't have to obsess over it btw, you just need to care about it: when you wake up / before going out (when that's the case, obviously) / before going to bed.
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>But I'm very strong emotionally.
>I'm not saying that's bad or anything, as with you, it's just the way it is. Thanks for your input.
Try not to contradict yourself, that does not represent someone who is strong emotionally... Erm, what I meant is that, after saying you are strong, you cared if an unknown person felt hurt by what you said. If that person actually did feel hurt, it's their problem, you were just speaking your mind. For a someone who is strong emotionally, it is important to show confidence and care for others. Not by pitying or saying sorry, but by being there, and giving an image of trust.
People will feel good, and in return, answer positively.
>I don't have enough time to be spending on the internet too often, anyway. I want someone who I can talk to face to face.
EXCELLENT CHOICE !
Anyway, this covers the image area ! Now, to meet people you really just need to find out cool places to which going alone doesn't seem bad. Libraries, coffee shops (if you go there just to read, and have a cup of coffee for example), if you like music, music shops. These are just small examples, I can also help you with is if you would like to, but first tell me about what things you like/don't like.
Btw, keep cool, try not to sound desperate when you talk to ANYONE. People don't like despair, it's irritating and frustrating to see it on other people, they feel like they want to help, but that's the exact thing that makes them leave you, the fact that they pity you. So, be proud of yourself and DO NOT let other pity you, no matter what the situation is.
>I've tried a million times at uni and it gave me the reputation of the guy who can't get a gf.
I never go out with guys like that. I could never trust someone who tries, tries and tries again. I can't help but question their genuineness and maturity.
I recently turned down someone like that purely because of that reason. He was a fairly decent, not bad looking guy, got along
well with others, much like how you described yourself. Tried a lot at the dating game, a few successes, a few failures. But for some reason, the fact that he constantly tried so hard just came across as immature to me. As much as I could have liked him, there was my self respect and dignity that I couldn't ignore.
What did he take me for? Some kind of probability statistic? A scratch and win ticket? The lucky break he's been hoping for after "risking" his feelings so many times before. Let me tell you OP, girls with half a mind won't take you as seriously with that approach. When he "confessed" to me, I was not flattered. My heart didn't even flutter a tiny bit. In fact, I was slightly insulted that he thought he had a chance with me.
Point is, you're not only degrading yourself by throwing your love out so easily, you're being selfish and you don't even realise it. Think about it. If you were approached by some desperate, would you accept them? Wouldn't you question their true intentions? How genuine are their feelings towards you?
Anyway, enough ranting, you get the idea.
TLDR: If you keep trying that hard, you're just asking to be rejected.
>>16
This post is best summed up by the adage "Damned if you do, damned if you don't."
>>16
So basically, you only have a handful of chances. You have a limited number of times to try before, you will inevitably and always fail.
Of course, though, there are ways to circumvent this. You could either move to a different social group or social ring, to prevent information from spreading. Or you could move. But you have to make sure there is a social barrier between the two groups. And you can only do it after a small number of fails; if you have a gigantic reputation, you'll have to move a significant distance to try again.
As much as the Ladder Theory is misogynistic and obviously written by a bitter little fuck who got his ass kicked around by more than one lady, obviously here there is a grain of truth to it. Same could be said about the "Alpha male" copypasta. However, they overdo it by saying, more or less, "Women are stupid, and like guys that push them around." True, some, perhaps many women do like being kicked around by a guy. But those women tend to come from broken homes, and their screwy brains interpret abuse from their parents as what is love.
The reality of the matter is normal, well-adjusted women, while not liking abuse, are turned off by a combination of desperation, and being kind and nice. They're not stupid, they're actually quite smart. They look at a person, and become suspicious as soon as you get too kind. They know that something is wrong, because otherwise, you wouldn't be so desperate as to need their attention. Chivalry is dead. It makes women think you're secretly a creep. Sad truth, but you can thank people like Ted Bundy for that. The thing women seek is a mixture of both interest, but at the same time, that you don't necessarily need them. This comes off as being cold or being a jerk to other males, but it's really insurance against the former, seeming needy or desperate. Ladder theorists explain this away as women being submissive little animals, but I think it's for the most part insuring against the creeps.
Likewise, the external package is important. I can't sugar-coat this one. Women judge the external package. It's hardwired into all of us. When selecting a potential mate, we try to descern various qualities, like health and ability to take care of others (like young) in the long term. How does this affect you? If you're too fat, or too skinny, you'll get turned down. This is unhealthy, you should get fit for yourself, if not for others, at least. If you have massive acne, that's bad, indicates poor health. Dirty nails, etc. Indicates lack of cleanliness, and a lack of hygiene and by extension health. If you dress less than fashionably, that's bad too, because it looks sloppy and poor. Literally poor. Bad ability to take care of others, and less potential to provide. Same with hair. It's hardwired. Girls, if you talk to them about this, often will say they choose a guy based on personality, but always end up choosing sharp looking guys. It's not because they're necessarily shallow, it's more that all of our brains are hardwired to pick the healthiest and best providers. Our species wouldn't be where it is right now, if we weren't this way. And anyways, you wouldn't go out with a limpy boobed, hobo leper.
In conclusion, the thing is, you need to be confident in yourself, you need to at least fake not being desperate or needy (whether it be by false bravado, false apathy, or by even a small amount of meanness), not be overly kind (for above reason. Also, this does not entitle being an ass) while maintaining your appearances. And then get out there, but try your luck with manageable women. Don't bother going after the girl with 500 dollar shoes. Those girls often can afford expensive trinkets because they know they attract high-level guys who can afford to buy them that sort of junk occasionally. You need to be very on top of your game to attract these ones.
Also, don't ever announce that you like a person. It's abrupt and way too direct. You want to go for meals (and not ones where you pay that implies aforementioned being desperate, splitting the bill is better...making her pay is being an ass) hang-out and do other stuff, all while subtly implying some attraction (some flirting where appropriate), but also maintaining the perception that you are strong and independent. It's perhaps better to make her say that she likes you.
how come >>1-san's font looks not-bold?
Ｗｈｏ ｋｎｏｗｓ？
Ｎｏｔ ｍｅ．
>>19
Marry me.
>>18
Moving to another social circle is acceptable. But I think the heart of the problem is that he doesn't stop to assess his chances. He blindly gambles, whilst he could be making educated guesses. After so many failures, he doesn't gain any experience points, and instead creates a needy image that kills his future chances with other girls. Girls want to feel worthy and secure. That's why they like "the chase", because I guess if you want anything valuable, you have to work for it.
Love= No logic.
Love= personality (and looks too for some people)
Love= DEDICATION!
>>19
I once was friends with a girl that told me that most girls don't go for the nice guy. And that a friend of her's prefered a guy that was an asshole. She also said that she didn't go for the nice type either. Haha. Man, I said she and her friend were weird.
>>25
i think that's often more true in younger girls. priorities shift greatly with a little maturity.
>>24
Love=Hormones
>>9
>>->I think I'll just die lonely. I'm actually not pitying myself. I just consider it a fact that some people like myself are born with this curse
>>I used to be like that, and was actually quite comfortable in it. I was bitter at first, but then just grew comfortable with it. Unfortunately, that comfort got taken away, and I've been left up the creek without a paddle.
I hear you. Once that comfort is gone, it feels like you've lost yourself. There's nothing there anymore, all that's left is the knowledge that the rest of the world sees you as a pathetic excuse for a man, and you've got nothing left to retreat to in response.
After years and years of effort taken to finally get myself to feel comfortable being alone, a couple of co-workers just had to go and destroy it all. Trying to tell me that a certain girl (quite attractive, I might add) had a thing for me. Should've known better. Should've reacted with my usual cynicism and suspicion. I should've known that a girl like her would never have been interested in a guy like me.
Which, turns out, was exactly the case. She already had a boyfriend, who she was quite happy with, thank you very much.
I can still hear the sniggering. Fucking bastards.
(__)_) <--- Ass
m-'.'-m <--- Moses
Crazy, i hate all of this garbage about girls and nice guys and girls who like guys who abuse them or are mean to them. Gosh for heaven sakes could you at least listen to one thing i have to say is that if you want to be alone then fine be alone be a preist and become closer to god, or if you cant do that live in small village in japan and make your own house out of wood. But if you want a relationship just act yourself and if yourself seems to never get the girl you want then forget dont worry about it. the only person who lonely in this world is people who think that having a girlfriend is the only way to get out of loneliness just get a good friend or a friend who is a girl and get the idea that they will be your gf .