Are you guys sometimes scared that you'll be alone forever? (27)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-20 16:38 ID:dQeEFzgH

I am a 20-year-old guy, and I have never dated anyone, or even come close to it. I am normally optimistic when it comes to love, thinking "it's going to happen in its own time, there's no rush," but sometimes you can be optimistic all you want, but then be realistic and just think that maybe you won't ever find "the one", or even a decent girlfriend. i am at that stage right now. I may, I am not at all good looking, thin, or charimastic, and there are tons of guys out there who are just better than me, so I don't see why girls would settle for me. I am just so scared that i will be 50 one day and never been dated befoe.

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-20 17:51 ID:HN4uCMXL

dude have some balls

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-20 18:22 ID:UpaQaMie

> I am a 20-year-old guy, and I have never dated anyone

You've got a long way to go yet.

You have to get out there and try to snag a girl, despite all the talk of 'nice guys', 'equality', etc, most women still refuse to take the initiative to even talk to a guy they like. The ball is in your court.
Remember that there is no such thing as "the one" or "soulmate", any number of people out there could be perfect for you.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-20 18:37 ID:70Wnq5se

Well, in most societies in the world, men outnumber women up until age 65, when discrepancies in life expectancy tilt the demographics in favor of the fairer sex.

What this means is that for pretty much everyone reading this, it is a fact that there are more of us men than there are girls, available or otherwise. Logically, some of us (not a terribly large percentage, granted) will necessarily be unable to find girlfriends.

Unless, of course, we live past the age of 65, when our options will finally open up, at least amongst our own age group. But, of course, nobody dreams about sweet summer romances underneath the blossoming cherry trees where the protagonists are, shall we say, well-seasoned.

So, really, that's as good as failing. orz

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-20 18:38 ID:70Wnq5se


That should read "most developed societies".

The third world, obviously, is a little bit different.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-20 19:23 ID:2H9y7YIc

emo. gtfo.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-20 20:33 ID:2Fa3qOva

I can understand what you mean perfectly- I'm 21, never done ANYTHING non-platonic with a girl, and generally back away from talking to girls I find attractive. And due to my being a fucking moron sometimes, I drove away a friend (who i already had no chance with, the saga of which is in another thread) who I was interested in. That's why I'm trying to change.
You say you're not thin - start working out. Going from 235 lbs to 175 lbs over the last 16 months (still have maybe 30-40 to go) has already made a difference- girls look at me differently (this from reliable sources- and note that differently doesn't mean interested, but it's still more positive than before), they seem to have less of a problem being near me, and I actually feel a bit more confident- and it's all around better for your health to get down to a decent weight.
Try to talk to people more. Smile more. Learn to strike up brief conversations with random people. I'm no expert at any of those things, but from what people tell me, it's important to have those skills. I have no intention of becoming a 40 year old virgin who's never dated, and you shouldn't either. Get out there and change. And ask any friends you have who are the complete opposite of you to help. Good luck.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-20 21:09 ID:31SCvF3o

I am worried that my significant one is dead.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-21 01:01 ID:UpaQaMie

Corpses can't say "No".

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-23 03:17 ID:dQeEFzgH

i am scared sometimes too, but then again, there are plenty of ugly people too, so i probably won't be alone

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-23 05:04 ID:ZMud0vlJ

no such thing as forever.

12 Name: rogersmith : 2007-07-23 06:21 ID:iuc55Sti

you can live alone think that way and it will happen think you will have girlfriend and it will happen just visualize you having a girlfriend already before you have one

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-23 07:20 ID:fsC0yG27

I don't think I'll be alone all my life. I'll probably find a nice girl to settle down with before I hit 30. probably before I hit 25 either.

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-23 08:21 ID:cMYXYqMY

If you can master looking for a girlfriend without being obvious, and NOT desperate. You'll find someone, really just be positive. Girls love that shit, and want someone happy to provide for them and make them happy. Took me so long to realise that..

If you're not happy with yourself, how can you make anyone else happy?

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-23 09:23 ID:ECSoxF7f

20?, you have lots of time. I am 27, was home schooled and have been isolated for years. Thus the girls i have even spoken to in the last decade plus can be counted on one hand. Add in the fact
that i have never had any form of employment and still live at home.
How would someone like me even meet a girl?, I mean with little social skills and close to no idea how the outside world functions. Many girls being shallow and materialistic and me pretty much with nothing to my name, just surviving.

I'm sure if I found a girl of sufficient intelligence she would like me for my mind but I would not even know how to approach someone. I've considered getting a degree in something, thus enabling me to engage in more social interaction, but I have been
away from people for so long it feels like a monumental undertaking.

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-23 10:46 ID:dYqmdnag

>>15 Uhh...dude! Get off your ass and get a job, go to college or do SOMETHING!!! Other than mooching off your parents at the age of 27. I mean you're 27 and it sounds like 13 year old kids have had more life experiences than you.

Yes it may be scary to brave the "outside world" but give me a break!! I usually have a lot of empathy towards socially awkward or shy people but I just can't stand laziness. Do you expect to live with your parents your whole life having them support you. I feel sorry for them. How can you never have had a job before?? That's really crazy.

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-23 10:49 ID:dYqmdnag

>>15 Oh and you're right. No girl would want you. Who wants a guy with only a highschool education, no social skills, has never had a job and who she will have to support financially? It's not a trick question.

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-23 13:28 ID:Wi8DqLsx

>>17 i'm a girl and i wouldn't hold those things against a guy, i'm much more concerned about whether we get along well and what kind of person he is etc.

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-23 17:05 ID:+4wHPf0M

You can't ignore the financial issues though- unless you're coming from a wealthy family and/or you're one of those few awesome women who actually (want to, sadly women are still trained to NOT want to work) get a high paying/high prestige job, you're going to want to find a man who can at least hold a job- doesn't have to be a CEO or anything, but at least a decent 50k/year job that will allow for house payments in at least a lower middle class neighborhood in a semi-decent part of town.

20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-23 17:27 ID:ECSoxF7f

Trust me, I would love to have some kind of respect in the world; but my social phobia is extreme. I really am trying, even to the point of going to an interview at a local college to discuss taking classes, but I can just imagine what people would think of me.

At 27 I'm in a hell that was forced on me by external circumstance. I would not use the term hikikomori to describe me since it's used by wapanese, but call me a shut in.

21 Name: fartman : 2007-07-23 21:06 ID:eNclkfRg

>I am just so scared that i will be 50 one day and never been dated befoe.

probably you will. just get over it and be a happy lonly man. good luck

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-24 04:22 ID:Heaven

Keep at it, your lot will improve. People have been through worse and came out better then when they went in.
If there were more I could do to encourage you, I would jump through hoops to do so, but it's up to you to pursue your own happiness.

23 Name: macdonaldez : 2007-07-24 09:28 ID:9951A5U0

All that you need, my friend, is SELF- CONFIDENCE!

it's obviously easier for me to say it than for you to do, however it really is just a situation of mind over matter. I used to be too shy to even call for a doctor's appointment. Then one day i decided to get out of my shell. Haven't looked back since. Keep trying, and you can't possibly fail, man!

You might come across assholes who will try to put you down, or will dislike you for whatever reason, but if you're a good guy, and always keep looking forward, you can leave those dickheads in your dust.

The most important thing about self- confidence is that you make it yourself, so you can have as much of it as you want!
RAWK!!! >_< \m/

24 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-24 15:50 ID:Heaven


sorry, it's really funny. nearly every sentence

25 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-25 15:03 ID:WGDwDB+M

I wish I could shut myself in. Sucks that to live life you need money, and if your parents aren't rich you have to work. If I didn't have to work I would just sit on the computer all day and post to Personal Issues. Hikikomori don't know how good they have it.

26 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-26 18:09 ID:rP1RYn/s

I feel like I'm probably going to be alone for the rest of my life every day, and it kills me on the inside. My past experience just reinforces it. Yep.

27 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-26 21:45 ID:Heaven


Well, you have access to the internet, so your living situation can't be Hell.

Well, if you don't want to die alone, I believe you'll be able to find someone. If it's just companionship you're looking for, you could always get a pet (if you take care of it).

Have you tried volunteering anywhere? It's great for people with extreme social phobias. Volunteering makes you feel better about yourself, there's no pressure to do everything right (hey, they're not paying you!!!!), and you'll meet people. Plus the people you're helping are often greatful.

Name: Link:
Leave these fields empty (spam trap):
More options...