Should I give up on niceness & give in?... (6)

1 Name: HP : 2007-07-24 17:52 ID:RTiZa9bY

I've debated this for a long time... I'm 26, and have felt more & more lonely, and angry & disappointed over that, over the past couple years, as I watch everyone around me being couples, holding hands, things like that... I've only had one serious relationship, earlier this year, and it ended because while I was honest & pure about caring about her, the girl lied about "loving me", and got herself carried away playing a game with the entire thing, and never meant to have a relationship (at least she treated everyone else in our circle like crap as well, so noone talks to her anymore)...

I'm about the nicest, always generally upbeat & cheery guy anyone's ever met, and I'm kind to all of my friends, I just never get a break in life... Like I've said, that one relationship is all I've ever had, and it wasn't even done properly, as she was lying to me, and never meant it from the beginning...

I think it's because of all this constantly multiplying and growing loneliness & discontent that there just seems to be this dark, twisted part of me growing more & more inside... A part of me that's so bitter by never getting anything, emotional or physical in life, that only sees Women as playing 'headgames', and believes that women deserve to be used, and that that's the only way to get any in life...

It's hard to put these feelings in words, so I apologize if this is rambling...

It's a part of me that I'm afraid of...

It wants to be a "player"... It wants to treat women like crap, as that seems to be the only 'language' they understand... It says, "If you be a nice guy, looking for a relationship, you get spit on, but if you treat them like trash, you'll get laid..."...

I don't drink or party, but this part of me wants to get trashed, do wild, crazy things, just to do them, and it wants to justify it by saying "I just don't give a fuck anymore!"

This part of me wants to use women, to just "get laid", for no reason other than getting some, by any means necessary... Hell, this part of me's contemplated calling a hooker or something, just to get some, which is sad, because the normal "me" wants a loving relationship more than anything else... This part of me says "Hey, I've got my needs, and being a nice guy never satisfied 'em"...

I normally keep this dark, angry part of myself on a tight leash, deep inside... It sometimes comes out, when I'm feeling depressed but normally, only when I'm alone... I feel like something snapped recently, though...

I guess it snapped after I recently got back from a trip with some friends for the weekend...

2 Name: HP : 2007-07-24 17:53 ID:RTiZa9bY

A friend of mine, who's literally as messed up in the head from his upbringing as one can be, instead of hanging out with his friends (myself & others), treated the entire trip as an excuse to follow some girl around he'd met once before, that he thought he had a chance with... He didn't have a chance, and became emo when that cold hard reality hit him in the face... But instead of doing the right thing, and apologizing to us, and going back to hanging out w/ his friends, he apparently chatted it up with some other girl, who now he thinks he's going on a trip with in the future (Basically, exact same situation, some girl he's met once he thinks he has a chance with again)...

Something... finally gave...

Mabye it's the fact that I'm lonely as hell, and tired of it...

Mabye it's the fact that I'm sick of wincing as I constantly see people hugging, kissing, and holding hands in front of me everywhere I go...

Mabye it's that I'm a 26 y/o virgin, and sick of it...

Mabye it's the fact that I was originally supposed to be there with that girl I was in the failed relationship with...

Mabye it's the fact that someone like this messed up friend of mine who's got enough psychological trauma in his messed up brain to fill 500+ casebooks, can ditch me, act immature and retarted, and still chat it up with random people who are just being friendly to him, think he's getting somewhere with them, and rub it in my face that "Oh, I'm gonna be goin' with some girl on a trip to somewhere soon"...

Mabye it's that the other girl I currently have a crush on and love to spend time with, is in a relationship with a mutual friend, and I'd never break up what they have together, for my own selfish needs (even though the dark part of me would enjoy that, to get what I want...)...

Something snapped...

I think I've decided to let those chains go...

I think I want to let out the part of me that just wants to use people, get drunk, and get laid...

And this scares me... Not even joking, this scares me to death...

But being a nice guy hasn't ever gotten me anything, and allowing myself to just let go gets me what I desire...

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-24 20:31 ID:q+DQongb

One of the biggest ways to fail is to not be yourself and pretend to be something you're not. I don't know you, but you say you're a nice guy. Thats what you are. What you need to understand is that that isn't the only thing you are.

Attracting a mate, you have to be at the top of your game. Not as faggot player, just at your best. If you have no confidence in yourself, it will show. I'm pretty sure with how you feel, you even realise it. Girls notice this. Hell, anyone does. Body language is universal.

Don't give up on being nice, just do so in moderation. What sort of things do you do that gets you classed as a 'nice guy'?

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-25 04:42 ID:See6INq4

'Be yourself' is bullshit advice. You are who you want to be. If you want to change, you can change! Go for it, >>1. If you believe in yourself, you can change.

5 Name: HP : 2007-07-25 12:05 ID:RTiZa9bY

>>3
I suppose I'm classified as a nice guy because largely I'm always helpful to people, helping out anyone that needs help, always listening to everyone's problems & helping them to work things out, putting myself out for my friends when they need anything or have problems... I've been told I'm a great friend, and I'm always there for people; (Which is ironic, as my own problems & doubts are mostly kept to myself.... I do tell people about them, and my friends try to reassure me the same way, but I feel like it doesn't really help that much, as my problems don't go away)

Even when I'm at the top of my game, noone ever seems to notice... Even on days when I've felt on top of the world, and been determined to be slick, people I've tried to impress don't really notice anything about me;

That's why I'm starting to think being the nice person I am is getting me nowhere, and I've been wasting my time...

That's why I'm thinking it's beneficial to just let the part of me that wants to use people, party, drink, get laid, etc... out... Nobody notices a person that doesn't apparently...

>>4
The thing is, it's not like I'm really "changing", or "believing in myself"... It's more like I'm letting someone I'm not take control, just to get some...

I don't really like that kind of person, but I'm wondering if I've been wrong all along about that... Maybe that kind of person is the only kind of person that gets any in life, even though I've always thought people like that are jerks...

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-26 22:09 ID:Heaven

"It wants to treat women like crap, as that seems to be the only 'language' they understand"

Sure, women seem to be attracted to the Jerk types (since they're so self-confident and assertive, or agressive so you can't ignore them.)

But, I'd hope for better from you. You don't need to be a jerk to get a girl.

Sure, you can go ahead and be a player like so many of the guys out there. If you want sex without a relationship, you can do that to.

But if you're just tired of being "nice" and feel like you're going to snap--why not talk with people, make some friends, and take it from there?

The "Nice Guy" condition is common with guys, you know. We feel like the world's screwing us (but not in the way we'd like, huh).. and the jerks get all the girls.

But I've known a few Nice Guys who got girlfriends. Hang in there.

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