Maintaining a friendship (12)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-09-08 01:05 ID:TaeWa/XN

This is going to take a while to explain, so get comfortable.

I've known a particular girl since the third grade. Since I'm 17 now, it's going to be nine years this January. Over the last nine years, we've had our share of fights and laughs, but now I wonder if we actually have enough chemistry to keep us together.

There are things that I loathe about this girl. She rarely called and never visited and when I visited her house, I usually wound up spending more time with her family than I do with her. That's not necessarily a bad thing since I think her family's alright, but I don't go to see them. If I'm lucky, I got to be alone with her, but I never work up the courage to say something romantic to break the ice. We both love video games and have other stuff in common, but I could never work out words to impress her that wouldn't seem cheesy and/or awkward. If we DID make plans to hang out together, something would come up. She also plays rough a lot, like shooting rubber bands at me (in her defense, I do things like that to her sometimes, too. Just not as often.).

She isn't all bad, though. She's drop-dead gorgeous and seems like an angel when she smiles. She's also tough, considering in elementary school she beat up almost every guy in our class, some of which were easily twice her size. When it comes to things like school, she's really smart, maybe smarter than me (which is a big compliment, since I'm usually the nerdy know-it-all that people go to for advice and help with homework). Whenever she notices that I'm depressed, she cheers me up and makes me feel like I'll always be happy.

The earliest in my life that I can really remember her, though, is in sixth grade, which is when I developed a huge crush on her. Most of the stories about her beating people up I had to learn about through other kids that went to our elementary school because I have trouble remembering things about my life past the last five years or so. The girl had to get her head shaved (for what reason, I don't remember) and people used to pick on her, so she'd hang out with another girl and myself. We were the only two people who didn't really give her trouble because we were outcasts, too.

I've made advances before and she's accepted them, but it never really went anywhere. As far as I know, she's dating someone else right now. I wouldn't really know since we got into a fight over something stupid just after summer vacation began, but she was living with him, so I assume they're still together. I ran into her again today and she didn't seem to be angry at me (I was the one who stormed off), even friendly. Over the years, I've never really known if she's seriously attracted to me or if she's just leading me on.

There are a lot of things about her that irritate me, but like I said, there are also a lot of things I love about her. We've had several periods of time where we wouldn't speak to each other, and it isn't all that rare for me to still think about her when I see other couples.

I keep wondering: is she worth keeping around as a friend? Maybe even dating somewhere down the line? Can a relationship (or even just a friendship) work out between us when I can't even say what's on my mind when we're alone together? The fact that she has softcore porn of women showing off their naughty bits in attractive positions plastered all over her walls certainly doesn't help. Something else that doesn't help is that I'm a virgin and get very embarassed when talking about sexual (or simply romantic) things. She's said multiple times that she finds that adorable about me, but that only opens up more questions.

Not being able to keep in touch with this girl won't ruin my entire life, but she's definitely left a strong impression on me after being one of the few people who would treat me like a human being during a time that I thought I had no one outside of my family.

Any advice on how I should (or should not) proceed with our relationship would be greatly appreciated.

Oh, and I'm sorry for making this so fucking long. DX

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-09-08 01:28 ID:DMW1RLTR

what's happening that you are going a different path to her? University or something? Knowing what your doing would make it easier to assess.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-09-08 02:59 ID:TaeWa/XN

We generally have friends from completely different social circles. My city is poor, so there are a lot of the ghetto, thug-wannabe types and she hangs out with them. She's tried drugs, but nothing serious (pot, shrooms once, alcohol). I'm only the second generation of my family that was born in the United States and we have a really strong value for education, so I'm more of the stereotypical nerdy type with only a handful of friends.

As for university, the last time we talked about it she said she wanted to do carpenting, so she can stay locally with an apprenticeship or something. I want to work in writing, from journalism to writing screenplays, so I may have to commute halfway across the state to attend an art college. However, I don't like the idea of having to move out to do that because my mother is already 60 by now and has a lot of health problems, so I might end up attending a local college so I can take care of her. Both colleges are really great for art; the one halfway across the state is just better.

We also don't have classes together anymore and rarely see each other. I feel like I'm just getting in her way when I try to hang out with her when she's with her other friends. She always invites me to go out with them, but they always seem so hostile towards me because I don't agree with all the gangs and stuff.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-09-08 06:34 ID:QABcuLid

Well, even though you've given us a lot of details, I'm still not sure what to tell you.

I will tell you my gut feeling, however, even if it is unreliable. I think that she is not the one for you, nor worth pursuing. It sounds like she doesn't reciprocate your feelings enough for it to be worth it, and even if you got anywhere, I don't think it would turn out well. From what you've told us, it seems to me - though I don't want to read between the lines too much - that she does not hold you in any higher regard than a friend.

Then again, if you really do love her a lot, that changes everything. Go for it even if there's no hope. Pursue her with everything you have.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-09-08 13:44 ID:tLCwVjFV

She would sooooo wear the pants if anything ever happened between you two.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-09-08 17:46 ID:TaeWa/XN

>>5
You say that like it's a bad thing. What's wrong with a woman being in charge of the relationship? (._.)

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-09-08 21:52 ID:I5ne5km1

>>6

When a woman is in charge, things always happen.
It's not a sexist thing, just look back history and see what has happened.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-09-09 01:01 ID:TaeWa/XN

>>7
Whether you intended to be or not, that's a sexist remark. It's not like a nuke has been dropped every time a woman was in charge.

Anyway, she listens to me when I ask her to do stuff, so I'm not whipped.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-09-09 07:34 ID:tLCwVjFV

>>6
Nothing's wrong with it. If you're into that kind of thing, then good for you. But having/being a pushover partner is not my cup of tea.

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-09-09 19:30 ID:mKHzHF6j

>>6As long as I'm the dominant one in sex, I could care less if she's in charge of everything else.

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-09-10 01:09 ID:crsoeJ3N

Well, I guess if you could care less, at least it means you care to some degree.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-09-11 00:47 ID:Iw7FQ+Aw

This has no future, and she doesn't sound like a proper friend anyway. Hit on her if you're inclined and you might have a few fun months. If she rejects you, you'll grow a bit anyway. Can't lose unless you stay where you are. This isn't a long term thing anyway. Remember that.

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