Should I break it off with my boyfriend, who’s possibly too good for me? Read and decide.
I’m a college underclassman—mildly geeky, I watch Simpsons episodes and read books in my spare time. I don’t go to drinking parties, don’t have one night stands, and I haven’t made any bad decisions lately.
My boyfriend, a college upper classman, is an anti-social gamer but a very kind and easygoing guy, and quite the gentleman. We’ve known each other since high school and we’ve been dating (long distance, meeting during Christmas and summer) for about two years now.
Both of us are Inexperienced in every sense of the word; although we have our sexual moments, we’re both virgins (generally b/c the fear of pregnancy cannot be put from out minds). (My point is, it’s not a lustful relationship.)
About a year ago he asked if I’d wait to marry him, after we both graduate college and have our first jobs. Being bluntly honest, I gave him a tentative yes, and said I’d inform him if I changed my mind.
I’m thinking of changing my mind.
Why?? It’s true that he’s a Nice Guy and we’ve never fought, and I’m at my happiest when I’m around him. Also true, is that I’m not head over heels in love with him—I see other guys on campus, and I consider striking up flirtatious conversations with them, as I did before I was In a Relationship. But out of respect for my boyfriend, I truly abstain. (Some girls “don’t cheat”, but go out frequently with a certain Someone Else to movies etc. I don’t even do that. Heck, I even dress conservatively on campus so guys won’t be taken in by my cleavage.)
But I feel like I’m missing out.
Can I have it both ways? Can I eat lunch, maybe sit together on a dorm couch and watch a movie, with some other guy… and then return to my boyfriend in the summer?
Or should I break up with my boyfriend, maybe date some guy on campus, and then return home to an empty summer?
This might seem like an absurd question, but I’ve given a lot of thought to what’s socially accepted as ‘cheating’ and what’s “typical college female behavior”. I’ve been entirely selfless up until this point, but I don’t want to break my boyfriend’s heart. But, I don’t think I can live with a relationship that hangs over me, sustained by a Promise of a future union.
No you can't have both, or that would make you a selfish whore. Your boyfriend abstains from contact with the other sex while away from you just as much as you stay away from the boys. Truly though it sounds to me like your boyfriend is worth it. There's temptation to be around other people, but think about if you really like those people or if you really just want to use them as a substitute for the person you truly like. Remember, college doesn't last forever. You've hooked up with a good person, don't ruin it. It's the difference between a guy you might like for a few days and a guy you might end up with forever. Unless he's expressed interest in it, it's certainly not in his best interest. You should never feel obligated to continue with somebody, but you should always resist the temptation if you really like somebody. If it ever comes to the point that he no longer interests you, then it's tme to break it off, but it seems like you still love him. And truly, don't break his heart. I'm sure he's had many chances to go with other girls if he really wanted, chances I'm sure he didn't take. If you break up with him, he's just going to be bitter that he wasted his time with you. He's devoted himself to you, you need to do the same in return. As I said though, if you really don't like him don't stay with him, but it seems like you do. You have to be careful that you don't choose based on what feels good now, because now will screw you over. And honestly if you did hook up with a guy at your campus who was drawn in by your cleavage, they'd probably want one thing. Eating lunch leads to sitting on a couch which leads to maybe a bit of cuddling which leads to... It just seems like trouble. The best things in life are hard to attain and hard to keep, but worth it.
You should just go with what you feel in this case. From what you wrote there, it doesn't seem to me that he is anything special to you.
"Can I have it both ways? Can I eat lunch, maybe sit together on a dorm couch and watch a movie, with some other guy… and then return to my boyfriend in the summer?"
Hell to the no. Disregard what all the other "college females" are doing. Just because everyone else is doing it doesn't make it right. I thought they taught you that in middle school. That's inappropriate behavior in a relationship and if you really cared for him you wouldn't consider doing shit like that. If you really want to start dating other people, break up with him. Don't mess around with other guys behind his back. He sounds like a nice guy and deserves better than to be treated like that.
"Can I have it both ways? Can I eat lunch, maybe sit together on a dorm couch and watch a movie, with some other guy… and then return to my boyfriend in the summer?"
As a guy, I hate to say it, but that's called a slut, and that's one of the kindest names I can think of...
He sounds like a very devoted guy to you, and I know you feel like you're "missing out", but what are you missing out on??
The people who "get around" that you see all the time are single... They're looking for a relationship like the one that you already have... That's why they're doing what they're doing...
They're looking for a nice person like what you've already got, not cheating on that person, which is what you'd be contemplating doing!
I know if I was that guy, and found you doing things like this, I'd be disgusted, to say the least...
Why are you the same namefag?
Though this thread stinks of copypasta I will answer it seriously just in case someone reads this dilemma and empathises. In regards to this matter, you already have a relationship, what makes you think you will feel any different if ditched the guy and just jumped to somebody else you feel nothing special for?
Yes you can watch videos and shit like that, you can do this with friends anytime you want.
Well, considering I'm >>5, I'm certainly not the same as the OP... Just a guy who's been burned before giving his personal opinion...
I'll admit, the OP's posting does smack of a troll looking for responses, as the question of dumping one's boyfriend just to hang out with guys is stupid as hell, frankly...
But I always contribute here, and try to answer even the questions that seem obviously stupid with frank honesty... It only seems fair, as I've appreciated the help I've gotten when I've posted here, even though my postings may have seemed stupid as hell to someone else...
I don't understand what you mean by whether it's in "his" best interests... it sounds like he cares a lot about you, i doubt breaking up would be in his interests.
I don't see why you can't watch movies and do whatever with friends. Even if they are of the opposite sex, if you're only friends then it's fine. I'd agree that going with one guy as "a friend" is kinda suss though, so you should probably do it in groups with other females. That kinda cuts out the awkwardness I think.
I don't know what >>6 is talking about, but I agree with the other posts. >>4 and >>5 pretty much summed up what I was about to say, because they are right. I wouldn't dump a nice guy just so you can
"have fun," which basically includes whoring yourself out (there's no way to put that nicely) like most people (not just women) do. If you dump him you're probably going to regret it. And like >>5 said most people are doing that because they are LOOKING for a relationship. You already have one. What is the problem?
Perhaps >>6 does not realize that Secret Admirer is the default anonymous name. Or perhaps he pretends to not realize this in order to elicit responses - metatrolling?
Anyway, if you're planning on being a slut, dumping your boyfriend is in his best interest, because you don't deserve him.
If you're just going to take advantage of him then yeah, it'd be in his best interest if you ended the relationship and he went on to find someone honest and faithful.
I'm with >>5 on this one.
This is going to take a while to explain, so get comfortable.
I've known a particular girl since the third grade. Since I'm 17 now, it's going to be nine years this January. Over the last nine years, we've had our share of fights and laughs, but now I wonder if we actually have enough chemistry to keep us together.
There are things that I loathe about this girl. She rarely called and never visited and when I visited her house, I usually wound up spending more time with her family than I do with her. That's not necessarily a bad thing since I think her family's alright, but I don't go to see them. If I'm lucky, I got to be alone with her, but I never work up the courage to say something romantic to break the ice. We both love video games and have other stuff in common, but I could never work out words to impress her that wouldn't seem cheesy and/or awkward. If we DID make plans to hang out together, something would come up. She also plays rough a lot, like shooting rubber bands at me (in her defense, I do things like that to her sometimes, too. Just not as often.).
She isn't all bad, though. She's drop-dead gorgeous and seems like an angel when she smiles. She's also tough, considering in elementary school she beat up almost every guy in our class, some of which were easily twice her size. When it comes to things like school, she's really smart, maybe smarter than me (which is a big compliment, since I'm usually the nerdy know-it-all that people go to for advice and help with homework). Whenever she notices that I'm depressed, she cheers me up and makes me feel like I'll always be happy.
The earliest in my life that I can really remember her, though, is in sixth grade, which is when I developed a huge crush on her. Most of the stories about her beating people up I had to learn about through other kids that went to our elementary school because I have trouble remembering things about my life past the last five years or so. The girl had to get her head shaved (for what reason, I don't remember) and people used to pick on her, so she'd hang out with another girl and myself. We were the only two people who didn't really give her trouble because we were outcasts, too.
I've made advances before and she's accepted them, but it never really went anywhere. As far as I know, she's dating someone else right now. I wouldn't really know since we got into a fight over something stupid just after summer vacation began, but she was living with him, so I assume they're still together. I ran into her again today and she didn't seem to be angry at me (I was the one who stormed off), even friendly. Over the years, I've never really known if she's seriously attracted to me or if she's just leading me on.
There are a lot of things about her that irritate me, but like I said, there are also a lot of things I love about her. We've had several periods of time where we wouldn't speak to each other, and it isn't all that rare for me to still think about her when I see other couples.
I keep wondering: is she worth keeping around as a friend? Maybe even dating somewhere down the line? Can a relationship (or even just a friendship) work out between us when I can't even say what's on my mind when we're alone together? The fact that she has softcore porn of women showing off their naughty bits in attractive positions plastered all over her walls certainly doesn't help. Something else that doesn't help is that I'm a virgin and get very embarassed when talking about sexual (or simply romantic) things. She's said multiple times that she finds that adorable about me, but that only opens up more questions.
Not being able to keep in touch with this girl won't ruin my entire life, but she's definitely left a strong impression on me after being one of the few people who would treat me like a human being during a time that I thought I had no one outside of my family.
Any advice on how I should (or should not) proceed with our relationship would be greatly appreciated.
>"Can I have it both ways? Can I eat lunch, maybe sit together on a dorm couch and watch a movie, with some other guy… and then return to my boyfriend in the summer?"
I'm not going to go along with the rest of the folks in this thread and immediately jump on OP because maybe she misspoke.
I don't believe the OP necessary wants to cheat. In fact, I think she's just trying to live a life outside of her relationship; dating long distance can be lonely and wanting to have some semblance of a social life when your significant other isn't around is not a bad thing.
OP, you seem really sweet and, if I was your boyfriend, I'd feel lucky to have someone willing to take such severe measures as changing your style of dress in respect of your relationship. At the same time, I also think your boyfriend, especially if he hopes to marry you someday, has you best interests in mind. I've been lucky enough to date folks that don't mind me hanging out with members of the opposite sex-- the fact is, that I just don't get along with girls very well socially and to ask me to hang out strictly with women? More drama than it's worth.
So, in my opinion? Wanting to hang out with a guy to grab a meal, watch a movie, play a sport? Not remotely objectionable. Wanting to expand your horizons and DATE other guys, get some more experience, see what the world has to offer? Not something I'd suggest. Talk to the boyfriend. Tell him about your misgivings. Your doubts. Your fear of committing to something so far in the future that may impede your growth NOW.
And, oh yeah, all that stuff about "whoring yourself out"? Fuck it. We got some men that like their women in down coats zipped to their chins and not interacting with guys outside their family 'round these parts. Do what you feel is appropriate but, beforehand, talk to your boyfriend. He obviously cares a lot and I don't suggest burning that bridge. It's up to you two to set the boundaries of your relationship.
> Why are you the same namefag?
That loud crack you just heard was the sound of my palm hitting my forehead.
I hope this is a troll. If true don't talk to us: Talk to your b/f and both be honest.
at 17 you should not decide to get married
Fellow brothers and sisters of the Love & Romance board, please read my tale of my first ever adventure in love. I’m 17, geeky-stereotyped, but really a normal and interesting guy. I still collect LEGO toys, but only those really cool mechs. I love building Gundam model kits, Perfect Grade is pretty challenging but exciting, knowing you’re at the highest level. You can call me a mecha-otaku if you’d like. I’m located in the UK.
The shining star of this story is my first love. She was in the US, Oregon. These events all happened in the casual “game/forum” GaiaOnline.
It all started that fateful day…I don’t remember the real date, but I think it was 16th April. I was bored during those hours, so I decided to look around people’s profiles. I looked at this rather amusing player, going along the lines of “Straw Hat Luffy” from my favourite anime One Piece. Intrested in the idea, I found a picture of his “crew” that each character image was linked to the player’s personal profile. The order was in the same order as when the crewmate joined the Straw Hat Pirates, and I opened them all in the same order in Firefox’s tabs.
Tab 1. Rorouna Zoro (Not sure about the spelling). Intesting guy, he managed to capture the 3 sword style the actual character has. Tab 2. Nami. This was one of the more intresting characters, because she managed to collect ALL of the clothes the real character had, and mentioned which arc of One Piece was the clothes shown in. Tab 3. Usopp. The character was captured perfectly, except for his long nose… Tab 4. Sanji. Perfect use of the emo haircut, and the shirt, tie and pants were the exact same ones! Tab 5. Dr. Chopper. This guy tried his best, but couldn’t make the cute furry character in the game. Tab 6. The profile was amazingly designed, and pretty funny too (“I wish I was a monkey, so throwing poop at people would be legal.”). She was Nico Robin. I saw the little image near the corner saying “Proud to be a [religion censored in order to prevent fights] girl.”
A silly smile took over my face. I clicked the insert comment link, and typed:
“You’re a [religion censored in order to prevent fights] too? You love One Piece too? So do I!”
Later in the same week, she PMed (Private Message) me telling me about updates on her profile. I would always check them out and enjoy. We only had a weak bond, stronger than strangers, but weaker than friends. 20th April (I think.) came upon us, and she told me about some guy who kept pestering her. I helped her out of it, by telling him off and showing how to stop him from messaging her again. The following day, the “results” came. She asked me what age I was, and she told me she was 16. I replied saying I was 17, and the next few weeks we spent talking about our families, and other things like that. We were no more than mere friends. Trading emails and revealing our true names, I was happy. I asked her in one of the emails for her photo, and she asked (and received) for mine first. When her photo did show up, god, she was amazingly attractive. I think I fell in love at that moment…
Just so you know, marriage decisions should not be based on the question of "love". It's probably best to marry the guy you're "at your happiest with" than the guy for which you're "head-over heels" burning-passion moe-moe with.
But that's just my view on the matter, I'm lying prone on a grassy hill, five-hundred meters away, looking at the situation through binoculars, which frequently shake and I have to constantly readjust the focus cause that's just how these binoculars are.
i can't tell which posts are trolls anymore