Help! Should/How do you date a *non* geek/otaku!? (21)

1 Name: Otaku : 2007-10-11 09:49 ID:Tm3reYFA

Ok, guys, I need some help here... (probably gonna be a 2-part post)

I'm a hardcore gamer (from console to PC games), and bigtime Anime Otaku (watch all kinds of shows w/ a local Anime Club, go to 'cons, cosplay, that kind of thing...)

I've been posting on a lot of personals sites lately, and gotten some interesting people I've met....

One of the sites I tried out was eHarmony... I didn't pay for a paid membership, which meant I couldn't contact anyone, and I found that it totally wasn't worth it... Totally wasn't worth it, and I was about to stop there, except for one person who "Initiated Communication" with me; The thing is, she is geographically close-by, which is something no other leads that were promising, were...

I couldn't reply using eHarmony, but before eHarmony removed it, I saw that her YahooIM was in her profile...

I tried to add her on gAIM, but never saw her on... Finally, a week later, just to properly try every last lead... I sent an e-mail to <YahooIM@yahoo.com>... I sent a polite e-mail, just mentioning that I thought it worth trying one other way to reach her, and then got a reply!

2 Name: Otaku : 2007-10-11 09:57 ID:PqbBhH9W

So...

She started by saying that "I appreciate you trying to get ahold of me, though. It shows that you're determined, and I like that."

Buuutttt.. then she said that:

"I don't mind that you're "geeky", I typically gravitate towards so-called geeks. I'm not into gaming or anime, though, oddly enough. I guess I just find them more intellectually stimulating than the typical "hunting, fishing and riding 4 wheelers" guys. Those ones tend to bore me out of my skull."

She ended shortly after...

I've got friends who've said that there's kinda no point if she's not going to understand gaming, game systems, anime, and probably can't even imagine cosplay at anime 'cons...

I kinda was hoping to have the time to come up with perhaps a way to let her down nicely, but she just e-mailed me back last night to "try once more to reach me, in case her e-mail 'went in my junk folder'...

I'm really at a loss here... I was really looking for a gamer/anime-girl who'd appreciate games or anime, and understand them... Someone who'd understand World of Warcraft, or play games with! Someone to go to anime 'cons with who'd truly enjoy it! I've even found a few so far, just not terribly geographically close yet, so I'm leery of getting involved with someone who's likely to not understand my hobbies at all..

But on the other hand, she does sound nice, but there are tons of girls out there that just "sound" nice...

HELP!! Suggestions, advice, anything would be appreciated!!

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-11 10:33 ID:gdlhbsdy

Well do you have problems with giving this girl a go? To put it bluntly, a trial/test run.

4 Name: Otaku : 2007-10-11 12:33 ID:bA4VQCRO

OP here...

I suppose not... I'm just scared to admit that my idea of a nice night would be anything from playing Metal Slug with someone to playing World of Warcraft, or perhaps watching a new show...

I'm not the kind of guy who goes to bars or whatnot, just out for dinner... I guess I'm not used to relating to "normal" people, frankly... I suppose if she was ok with Anime or Games, we'd work out... I'm just a bit scared we won't have anything in common, or the very idea of going to an Anime 'con would freak her out...

At least perhaps she wouldn't be like most of the anime-fangirls I meet... They all seem somewhat dissatisfied with their life, and also kinda crazy, like "spontaneous, off-the-wall, stick in some tranquilizer crazy... (The type that say "Let's drive to California tonight, right now!" kind of crazy... It'd be nice to meet someone who isn't wanting to "get out of this area in the next year", for a change...

I guess I just don't know if it would workout, because of the whole I'm addicted to games and anime, while she apparently isn't thing...

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-11 13:56 ID:L8Z7P0Dq

I don't think there's anything wrong with trying to actually meet with this girl. You may click, you may not click. It may not be that big of a loss right now. Do it now before you regret it is something I'd like to say, but I have 0% on such things.

If it helps I have friends who are huge otakus (by huge I mean anime-related toys EVERYWHERE, porn games on PC huge) and he seems to be happy with his "normal" girlfriend.

And besides, if her not liking anime/gaming is the problem, you can always try to convert her...

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-11 14:12 ID:gdlhbsdy

Number Three.

I'm not the most sociable guy, I don't go out unless there's no one else around to do it for me. In my group of friends I'm the only otaku however I also have similar intrest to them I keep my otaku thoughts for when I'm online and my more sociably acceptable thoughts for when I'm around my friends.

Who says she has to be intrested in everything you do? Of course having similar intrest helps strengthen the relationship but being total opposites gives you a wider view on other people's thoughts and oppinions.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-11 16:01 ID:OfGQ2HAV

>>6
Agree. It's not neccesary that she has to like everything you do.She said it's ok with that so then Meet her!that way you can decide if she is really your type or not.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-11 17:38 ID:ta1AVOQq

Reply to her NOW. If you take too long she will think you are reluctant to ask her out-- that's why she tried a second time. She wants to get to know you. Treat her to dinner. Don't worry about your personality right now, make the arrangements first. GO.

9 Name: Nice Guy : 2007-10-11 18:42 ID:5iGHb6/j

Go for it dude.

You have nothing to lose by meeting her atleast once, and everything to win from doing it.

If she turns out to be some lame ass fatty, then you can drop her like a dubbed anime. But on the other hand, she may get interested in what you like and that'd equate to doing it doggy style while watching rurouni kenshin or whatever you otaku like

10 Name: Otaku : 2007-10-11 19:00 ID:bA4VQCRO

OP here again... I guess due to the overwhelming support of everyone... I'm going to try and e-mail her tonight, and proceed!

It seems overall so far everyone's saying go for it (in some very amazing ways:0), so I suppose it couldn't hurt to proceed?

Actually... It looks like she's already e-mailed me since then, to "make sure her earlier e-mail didn't go in my trash bin"...

Yikes... Now I feel bad for not getting ahold of her yet, yet still nervous about this...

Please feel free to continue to post any opinions and suggestions, and I'll let you all know what happens from here...

11 Name: Nice Guy : 2007-10-11 19:11 ID:5iGHb6/j

Go for operation: recovery and say you got a little busy/tired lately and wasnt able to check the email frequently enough.

If it wasnt a long ass time, maybe you wont even need to make an excuse, just ignore the fact ;p

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-11 19:36 ID:jf5SYRy6

Well, now that you've seen our support...
Good luck!

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-12 03:08 ID:OfGQ2HAV

Go for It! You don't have anything to loose Otaku! Good luck!

14 Name: Otaku : 2007-10-12 14:24 ID:bA4VQCRO

OP Here, with my promised update, both positive & negative:
(Another 2-part post due to size... My reactions on the second post)

Ok, I went for it, and composed a rather charming (IMHO) e-mail back, that explained and made no falsehood about the fact that I've gone to Anime 'cons, played games (from Dragonquest to WoW to Guitar Hero), and watch Anime a lot, and asked if she was still interested, as that kind of person or lifestyle's not for everyone...

I got an interesting response with a general Pro & a somewhat large Con...

Pro/her main message below, the con follows...:
"I don't really play any video or online games. I had some emulators on my computer at one point, but they were mostly SNES (is that right?) games. Mario was always my favorite. I've tried to play stuff like HALO and I'm just not very good at it. I've tried DDR, but it was in front of a bunch of people and I felt a little stupid because I had never played it before. Maybe if I could play it with close friends or just by myself, I'd like it better. It's not exactly that I don't like it, just that I'm not usually very good at it. I'm more of the reader-type geek, I'm not a partier, and I don't drink or smoke either. I prefer to hang out with my friends and just talk or drive around aimlessly, listening to music.
I'm not exactly into Anime, but I've been to a con. It was in Orlando last year. It just so happened that I was visiting someone in Florida at the time that wanted to go, so I went, too. I didn't dress up as anyone so I was a little out of place, but it was a fun time. The only Anime I've ever been exposed to are the teeny type shows and they really irritate me due to the massive amounts of sexual undertones yet they're supposed to be 13. I'm sure there are much better shows out there, I just haven't seen them. So, it's not that I don't like all that stuff, just that I haven't had the chance to really experience it."

Here's the Con:
"There's something I'd like to get out on the table. I'm a BBW (big beautiful woman). So if you don't like fat chicks, please tell me. And I'm not a size 12 saying that I'm fat. I'm 5'2 and size 26/28.And I know you might be sitting there thinking "Why would I care? I'm not shallow like that". I'm sure you're not, but I also know that a lot of guys just aren't attracted to bigger women, so I'll understand if it's a turn off for you. I'd just appreciate that you be honest and say so."

(SECOND POST TO FOLLOW)

15 Name: Kurono : 2007-10-12 14:34 ID:Jz+ZzF6X

>>6 If you don't the con's, which I'm guessing you do or else it wouldn't be a con, then go for it. She doesn't seem against the idea, and you could convert her. She might become as otaku as you. All in all, if you want to, go for it.

16 Name: Otaku : 2007-10-12 14:37 ID:bA4VQCRO

(2nd Half: My Reactions:)

Pro: Sounds like she's got great potential to be gamer/anime fan... She just never had anyone around this bumsville part of the country (Yes, we both live in "country-ish" areas in the US), to show her anything she could appreciate... Sounds like a lot of potential there, including at least having been to an Anime Con, yet not having been into enough of it to have much fun... (At least she wouldn't be freaked out by the fact that I do cosplay at things like Otakon, etc...)

Con: She is obviously overweight... I don't understand fully how much (a friend who is overweight herself suggested this means around 270? Anyone elaborate on this?)

I don't mind overweight people, that's for certain... I'm not skinny myself, as I've let myself get a bit of a belly for certain...:p I'm like, 240+, I believe, for a roughly 5'11" guy... I know that's probably over, and I've certainly got love handles to prove it...

And... I previously had a big crush on that same friend of mine, who is still overweight, she's currently at 231 lbs (she's 5'6")... And I thought she was pretty, *regardless of the fact that she weighed more (I believe she's lost about 30 lbs since I had the crush on her)...

It bothers me that she uses a phrase like BBW, to describe herself... (She's 21, I believe)... I dislike people using phrases like that to describe themselves... It's like a label that says they can't change, or don't want to... It's possible she just picked that phrase up while trying out dating sites, though, as that seems typical...

But maybe she's overstating it? And/or changing... I already know I had a crush on my one friend, albeit she was a huge gamer/anime fan, which is what attracted me to her moreso...

I feel horrible about myself for even thinking this way, but I can't help debating all this in my head...

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-12 15:01 ID:M9TmIE7I

She may be fat or she may be exaggerating. Women tend to think of themselves fatter than what they usually are. At least those who think they're fat do, usually. As long as it's not turning you off, I don't see a problem here.

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-13 05:25 ID:yB4l9JvO

Yup. She sounds fairly modest, and we women tend to exaggerate how we see ourselves. It might be one of those things where she wants to approach the subject carefully, because it really IS an awkward subject for women to talk about. Using a internet phrase kinda lowers the tension around tough topics for some people I guess.

Appreciate the fact she told you at all though. Sounds like she's opening up to you, and putting trust in you. Either way, don't lie to her about what you feel. Keep us posted =D

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-13 19:59 ID:OfGQ2HAV

ask her to go out somewhere with her, that way you can be sure if it's your type or not.

20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-24 23:25 ID:7XEPvjvx

Sounds like she has potential!
I mean, she definitely doesn't sound like she's going to try and change your "otaku" ways. So, she obviously already, however somewhat, likes you for who you are. And yeah, like, >>18 said, whatever you do, don't lie to her, on- or offline. Just be yourself, and if things click, then great! If not, then, what? You're out of like 50 dollars from a date? At least you tried, right? I mean, what's the harm in going out once in a while?
Just go out and have fun!

Good luck!

21 Name: Just Hurre : 2007-10-26 06:10 ID:IFBV3JsC

Do it! You have nothing to lose. Seriously. Well maybe a couple hundred and a few hours but meh! Better than sitting around.

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