Forgetting Love (10)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-18 00:26 ID:qqEVK3t8

Recently I realized that I love one of my best friends.
I've known him for years, and for a long time thought of him as just a friend, but a few months ago I finally realized that I'd really liked him for a long time, I just hadn't admitted it to myself. Since my feelings weren't incredibly strong, however, it was pretty easy for me to ignore them and not dote too much on them.
However, recently, after a long night of talking seriously with him and some other friends about our pasts and things like that, I realized that I actually loved him. The problem lies, however, in that he has a serious girlfriend who I happen to be friends with as well. Although I won't deny that I really want to be with him, because they're really happy together and I don't want to hurt his girlfriend, I'm not going to say anything or hint that I have feelings for him. I'd rather not say anything and be friends than mention it and have them both feel weirdly towards me.
But, the more time I spend around him, the more strongly my feelings become. Is there any way to lessen my feelings for him? Spending less time around him isn't an option because I only see him once a week, and it's at a gathering between all our friends that we've been doing for over a year. I don't really know anything else to do but keep busy with things so I can't really dwell on things, but does anyone else have any other ideas?

Thanks!

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-18 00:53 ID:nhwNTm5+

You're fucked. There's literally no way this will end well. My apologies, but it's true.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-18 07:26 ID:fd8XYtjJ

I'm in a similar senario, actually. The best thing to do is keep your mind off it by keeping busy with productive things(housework, schoolwork, personal projects), and if any of your friends tries to set you up with a guy, go for it. If you're courageous and can push pride aside, you could even ask some of your friends to set you up with someone.

You can't really help who you fall for, though, and sometimes if you're lonely enough you'd fall for whoever's kind to you. Hang in there and remember that it works the other way around, too; if you're kind enough to others, someone will certainly fall for you.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-18 20:09 ID:5tJTKALv

You morons. Stop fucking having opposite sex friends, it never works out well. Until our generation learns this, there's never gonna be any fidelity.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-18 22:32 ID:co2S7nFw

>>4
You can, but don't expect to love them any more than friends or family. Friends should always be people you don't ever see yourself romantically inclined with.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-19 06:15 ID:riW5xU6d

>>1

I think you should think about breaking your current pattern of activities, and try to meet new people.

There is no chance that you will manage to have a relationship with this friend without raising some serious problem among your friends,... Also, don't forget that unattainable love is particularly seductive, and it's easy to be infatuated with something which is out of reach.

I think it's good that you realized your feelings, and it's not something to be shamefull about. Also, I don't think reducing exposure is necessarily a good option (if it's only because of these feelings), since you will idealize your friend even more. You just need to meet new people.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-19 08:19 ID:SgVtOdsV

>>4
This. I have been trying to tell people this for ages. If you're close friends with a member of the opposite sex, you are bound to develop "more than friend" feelings for them. Unless they are ugly as fuck, it's almost inevitable.

As for the OP, the only way to lessen your feelings for him is to stop seeing him. There's no way you can debate this. If you keep seeing him, your feelings for him will remain and probably get even stronger as time goes on.

Just...don't even do it. If he's already in a serious relationship and they are happy together as you claim, then you are screwed. It may sound difficult now but you need to move on with your life. HE'S TAKEN. You need to get over him and the only way you can do that is to stop seeing him.

So in short, pretty much what >>6 said.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-19 14:29 ID:HYAirF/O

I don't agree with these people who say you should stop being with your friends. They're your friends. Just because you're in love with one of them doesn't stop you from being friends. Just be aware that your feelings might get in the way of your friendship if left unchecked.

I suggest not trying to start a romantic relationship with the guy for the time being.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-20 08:23 ID:fd8XYtjJ

>>4

>>7

Untrue. I have quite a few opposite gender friends. We hang out nearly every weekend, a trend that's lasted at least a year or two now. Some have boyfriends/girlfriends, a lot of us are single. None of them are particularly ugly, and we wouldn't all hang out together every weekend if we didn't share similar interests. I love them all as good friends and I'm very glad I met them, but I don't think I can stand the idea of hooking up with any of them. Two of the people in my group have gotten together, though, and it's an incredibly succesful match-up.

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-01 14:30 ID:leMg9JUt

stay away from him, grow stronger, colder. stand aside and wait for him. if you can wait a lifetime then thats true love. but if you cant then its just a phase.

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