here's my problem
today is our one year anniversary, of my girlfriend and I. We're crazy in love, i really didnt know it even existed to feel like this. we really love each other alot, see each other 24/7 or almost, always have fun, make love about 7 or 8 times a day (no exageration) and there's just this constant feeling of honesty and trust. i thought i had really found my soulmate.
BUT a few days ago i discovered something. She left to a very far foreign country for 5 months 3 months ago and i knew she had gotten really distant. but i had gone to see her and we had spent amazing vacations together. during these vacations she had told me she loved me again and she knew this was the real thing etc. so when i came back home after having visited her, i wasnt suspicious anymore of her distance, because she had guaranteed me she was crazy in love with me. but now i just discovered that she slept with two guys during her stay over there. One before i came to visit her and one after, which drives me crazy !!! And she lied to me about it until now, which is 5 months later for the first guy !! she says she lied because she didnt want to lose me. Since she's been back (3 months) she's been 100% faithful and i can see in her eyes she loves me. We've been fighting alot about her unfaithfulness and she has been crying liters, realising it's the biggest mistake of her life. she says i am the one, the love of her life and she will never ever lie to me or cheat on me again.
Other info: i was her first time.
so, anyone knows what i should do? should i stay with her? i mean, she has hurt me ALOT, i was crazy in love with her and stayed faithful all the time. and now she's done that to me, but i cant stop myself from loving her. i mean you should see her: beautiful, cute, clever, smart, funny, intelligent, tall, blond, blue-eyed, etc. she's so perfect... is it the price i have to pay for her perfectness ??
any comments are most welcome.
thanks.
She's not perfect, she cheated on you. If she did it once, she'll do it again. How do you know she cheated on you with only one guy? How do you know she hasn't done ANYTHING behind your back these 3 months? Why did she cheat in the first place?
i'm not sure she'll do it again ... she was really sad and regrets it deeply. she deleted all her pictures, all her contacts etc. that linked her to that foreign country. i know she hasnt done anything behind my back these last 3 months because she was with me most of the time. she calls me three or four times a day and wants to see me more than i want to see her. she's really constantly behind me. She cheated on me with two guys when she was gone, i told you. she says it's because since i'm her first boyfriend, first time and first love she was scared to get involved to quickly, she didnt feel free anymore. She says she guesses the reason why she cheated on me was to prove to herself she wasnt too bound and was still able to do what she wanted. Also, she was both times really drunk (i know it doesnt excuse anything, but still). Now that she has experienced it with other people (thank god the two guys arent as good as me in bed) she says she knows i'm the love of her life for sure. She said that if she had older she would have asked me to marry her. she seems sincere. am i being stupid? should i waste love like this? i dont know anymore...
People stray, it's the biological urge to spread their dna, and "horny right now" doesn't help a volitile stiuation.
Having said that, only the ones with a reason to stray in the first place do it. whether it's because they are lonely, or don't love their partner enough to "stay true", doesn't matter, it's all from their perspective and how they percieve what they are doing.
My advice to you is this; have a temporary break from each other. No calls, no contact. Find yourself again and find how you REALLY feel about this.
If you have been loyal to her, does she really deserve you?
Your gf sounds like my ex. Loads of bullshit. Find someone better who can be faithful. You are not in love. You are in lust.
She was in a foreign country for 5 months, of course she's going to feel tempted. This isn't the same kind of cheating as if she slept with people while in your home country and actively seeing you. I'd say give her a chance, but if she slips up now she's back home you should dump her.
Honestly, I'd leave her. I have a zero-cheat policy with women though. But it's up to you.
>>she's so perfect
If she was so perfect would she have cheated on you?
>>Now that she has experienced it with other people (thank god the two guys arent as good as me in bed) she says she knows i'm the love of her life for sure
She needed to bed these guys behind your back to determine whether she needed to stay with you or not? Are you actually implying that she decided to stay with you because you're better in bed than these other guys?
>>i was crazy in love with her and stayed faithful all the time. and now she's done that to me, but i cant stop myself from loving her
>>i'm not sure she'll do it again ...
It sounds to me like she is manipulating you, has you wrapped securely around her finger and that you may be too infatuated to do anything about it. You claim that she seems so very genuine in telling you that "Since she's been back (3 months) she's been 100% faithful and i can see in her eyes she loves me", but how can you truly be so sure when you were getting the same message of love and dedication from her while she slept with not only one but two other guys? Now you claim that she says things like "she was really sad and regrets it deeply" and that "i know she hasnt done anything behind my back these last 3 months because she was with me most of the time" but how can you be assured that she's not simply lying to you yet again? Trust is incredibly important in relationship and must be earned not given away. I'm also concerned that she's making excuses for her actions. When you mention that "she was both times really drunk (i know it doesnt excuse anything, but still)" and "she says it's because since i'm her first boyfriend, first time and first love she was scared to get involved to quickly, she didnt feel free anymore" you are letting her make excuses for her actions and there can be no excuse for what she did. I know you care about her but the fact that she can even try to formulate excuses for something so grievous as this really calls into question how much she values your feelings.
At the very least you need to seperate yourself from her for a month or two in order to gain a better perspective on this all. I would personally walk away from this one as trust is something that I wouldn't compormise over, especially a situation like this.
Sleep with a couple other girls and see how she feels.
If she forgives you, it's true love and you guys can move on with your relationship!
hey, the only way to even it out would be for you to sleep with other girls, but then your relationship would just decend into chaos. can you really sleep with someone else, and then face your girlfriend and tell her you still love her as much as before?
distance is only a problem if you want it to be, it sounds like she doesnt really care about you as much as she thinks she does,
fool me once, shame on you.
fool me twice, shame on me.
Take that as you will, but I'd never stand for being a cuckold.
fucking dump her, seriously. she cheated on you with 2 guys. fucking fail.
lol, "100% faithful"
>>12 was like...
> can you really sleep with someone else, and then face your girlfriend and tell her you still love her as much as before?
I suspect he'll only know the answer after doing it but that aside, if he can still tell her he loves her, and she forgives him, then it really is a good thing.