Paranoia. (12)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-28 18:10 ID:hhCMSijU

I am in a terrible predicament.

I have been going out with a girl for a few weeks, and it was really good for the first week, then it started going downhill. I become really awkward when other people are awkward, and I am not very good at trusting people to like me.

We have been friends for about two years, so it seems crazy for her to go off me this fast, and I cannot tell whether she is just reacting to my coldness; which is in turn based upon my reaction to perceived coldness on her part.

I cant talk this through, or do anything like that, because I cannot really work out what I feel, and while I am sure I love her a lot, I want to break it. I want to break it because I think I am causing her nothing but trouble.

How do I break it without breaking our friendship, forcing her into disliking me, being cruel etc?

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-28 18:12 ID:hhCMSijU

Oh, also, she is really quiet, and really really clever. This is extra worrying for me.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-28 18:19 ID:dxjUGjwZ

Change yourself

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-28 19:29 ID:RNLoq2u+

Talk to her. Even if you don't know precisely what is going on in your head you can at least tell her that something is making you feel uncomfortable and you think that's linked to her being uncomfortable in a vicious cycle. You need to get over being so self-hating that you see yourself as only causing her trouble and not being good enough for her - thats bullshit. If you weren't good enough for her she wouldn't be going out with you.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-28 21:15 ID:hhCMSijU

.
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6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-28 21:24 ID:hhCMSijU

Well, I could have been good enough for her, but then I could have become worse. I just don't think I can handle responsibility at the moment; due to stupid mental games I play. I get into massive downers due to messing with my mind a little too much, exploring ideas too far.

I mean, I am not a linkin park; self harming, self obsessed piece of shit. Nobody notices when I am having troubles, because it does not make me feel unhappy, it just makes me devalue my happiness. I am just a little unstable -irresponsible- and foolish. I imagine I will snap out of it, and nobody will even notice the difference.

I can't take the possibility of letting her down. I don't want to go out with somebody I cannot be seriously sure that I will not let down. I need to break it, as it is the only honourable thing to do; as it damns me, but makes sure that she does not take emotional damage as a result of my idiocy.

You can probably see from my posts that I am in no fit state to make somebody happy, last and least of all myself.

So how do I break it?

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-28 22:18 ID:nmTPGOzb

>>6

Stop thinking you're going to let her down. It's self-fufilling prophecy. Have you considered there might be a chance that you're not totally the plague and you may possibly be able to be good for her?

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-29 17:19 ID:hhCMSijU

>>7

Well, I kinda am totally the plague. I have a bad alchemy of acting on impulse and trying to do the right thing, which always ends in disaster.

Anyway, I broke it. Badly. The weird thing is, she didn't react at all. Nothing, no relief, no upset, nothing. I apologized for messing her around, then we went back to talking about summoning Cthuluhu.

I still have no idea what the fuck happened, and I am going to have to amputate my love for her. Any techniques?

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-29 19:29 ID:RNLoq2u+

Amputate your love? What the fuck mate. facepalming right here.

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-29 22:06 ID:hhCMSijU

You see? I need a shrink, not a girlfriend.

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-29 22:20 ID:gcUEBT4Q

You need to at least try to make an effort to change yourself. You're not crazy, you just have 0 self-esteem. You can improve this, but only if you are willing to make an effort rather than just passing it off as needed to see a shrink and punishing yourself by depriving yourself of life experiences because you feel you aren't good enough. Exercise, eat healthily, go for a walk in the park and look at all the wonders of nature. Don't just sit on your arse all day watching tv and eating crap food. There are resources out there on the internet for overcoming self-doubt. If you get to the point where you've tried all this but you still feel so worthless then thats when you should see a psychiatrist.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-30 23:38 ID:hhCMSijU

Well, I suppose I should describe myself a little...

I am relatively good looking, I have nil spots, I am fairly thin but healthy -and quite tall.

I do exercise, I go for walks, I have many friends. I just fuck things up, big time.

In the end, she told me she was unsure about me, tried to find me attractive then failed. Quite sad really. Anyway, I suppose I have learnt a little.

I don't feel worthless. I just feel...Inhuman, and I suppose that is what makes me unattractive. Now it is all said and done, I think I can just go back to the more interesting things in life.

I kinda imitate life, rather than live it.

Although I have been a fuck-head, and I have barely listened to a word of your advice, I appreciate the thought that such honest and solid advice is written in.

I have realized, I do need to change. I need a little more humanity. I feel like a foreigner in my own country. I don't trust shrinks, so I wouldn't go to one. Oh, strangely enough, the girl in question is training to become a psychiatrist...

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