Missing the Feeling of Love (19)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-06 07:03 ID:R5IkYLha

Sometimes I feel like my girlfriend doesn't love me.

There has not been a major change in the way she acts toward me. She's been reserved from the beginning. I thought as time went on she would open up to me. But we have dated for six months, and she has not changed.

It's not what she does, but what she doesn't do that is so painful. She says she loves me, but does not act that way. It drives me crazy sometimes and I don't know what to do. Sometimes I feel that I've been putting all of myself into this relationship and been getting only trickles back.

It's not like she doesn't really love me, but that she's holding it back so that I can't feel it. Her love surfaces now and then, and these brief gasps of air encourage me, for I know that hiding underneath her defense barrier is a person who loves me dearly and desperately as much as I love them. That's why we've stayed together so long. But she shows this side far too rarely, because she's afraid of getting hurt.

What should I do? I've already tactfully confronted her about it, and she said she would make an effort. But I have not seen any change. I don't know what to do, because I can't really keep pressing the issue.

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-06 07:32 ID:UvRYkUVf

havve another talk with her.
or dump her.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-06 12:35 ID:T/K3x2gt

Is this specific to you, or is she like that in general?

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-06 20:09 ID:R5IkYLha

>>3
She's like that in general. In fact, even more so. She's shy around strangers, so I love the way she brightens and her eyes sparkle when she's around me.

I'm only depressed like I am in >>1 on some occasions, so maybe I shouldn't worry about it. Right now I feel fine.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-06 23:53 ID:OJ5hzZ1k

she fucking loves you, you moron.

6 Name: Frigid Onanoko : 2007-12-07 01:34 ID:84titVGE

demanding more love not very succesful no matter how tactful you ask. Anyway, what you guys do together to have fun or learn new stuff?

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-07 02:02 ID:lQKaKXID

>>5
I know, I know. I'm an idiot.
>>6
The problem here is that I'm always the one that has to take action. That is, kissing her, coming up with things for us to do, starting conversations, keeping conversations alive, etc. Although I somehow manage to find new stuff for us to do often, without her help it's difficult and tiring.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-07 06:41 ID:Xh26MvTz

Actions speak louder than words.

9 Name: lil' fox : 2007-12-07 07:20 ID:uLffa/TZ

Man, if you love her you sould notice she need you... A person that don't talks much and don't take the iniciative to do any generally has a dark past. It's simple: you takes iniciative when you knows your doing is well, if you think you'll never succes, then you don't. So, if she is true when she tall she loves you, then she have something that wants to hide from you.

You better respect that, but try to make her confident about you. You know better her so you can guess what is bothering her, so show her that you are worthy to take the burden she don't want to charge on you.

Courage!

a.

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-07 08:52 ID:GhCP1Zjv

Sounds like she's already working plenty hard just to go out of her shell and be with you. I'm sure this is something you already know, but being in love doesn't mean the other party is going to act towards you in exactly the way you want.

But on the other hand, no matter how much she loves you (that includes the brightening sparkling business), if it feels difficult and tiring to be in love with her, then guess what? That's because it IS difficult and tiring. By all means, press the issue-- gently, but you have to let her know that you can't read her mind. Because the alternative is living in a vicious cycle of doubt and stress, until either she realizes the emotional breakthrough you've been wanting all this time, or you get tired of it and dump her.

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-07 14:58 ID:T/K3x2gt

I think you are missing an important point,... The goal should not be to get her to be more demonstrative to you in particular, but help her feel more comfortable with people in general.

If she's more sociable and self-confident, you will also benefit

12 Name: lil' fox : 2007-12-07 17:50 ID:uLffa/TZ

>>11 I agree

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-08 06:50 ID:NwzwZiRF

>>9
I already knew about her 'dark past' from the beginning. She went through two relationships in the past which were rocky, short, and ended badly. She has even admitted to me that one of the main reasons she's so closed, even to me, is that she doesn't want to get hurt again. I keep trying to tell her it's safe to open up. I try to hint that her lack of displayed emotion toward me is taking its toll and that I'm starting to get discouraged. But it just doesn't help. Sometimes I just feel like yelling at her, "I've risked so much of myself for this relationship, the least you could do is reciprocate! I know you don't want to get hurt, but neither do I and that's just something we have to risk for this relationship, we just have to trust each other!"

>>10
Thank you for your advice. I think you are right. I might just have to press the issue more, even if it has the potential to raise drama. But better brief drama to get through this then me going crazy and eventually dumping her, I suppose.

>>11
Believe me, I've tried this. But I'm not that comfortable with people either, so it's not easy since I'm not much of a guide. Neither of us really hang out with other friends that much.

Man, I'm not feeling good about this relationship again tonight. I just feel like I shouldn't have to go through so much. I'm 18, my emotions shouldn't fluctuate like a puberty-stricken teenager so much.

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-09 02:46 ID:HO5dYsO6

>>I'm 18, my emotions shouldn't fluctuate like a puberty-stricken teenager so much.

yeah, they should. and a warning: it probably isn't going to stop anytime soon.

15 Name: lil' fox : 2007-12-09 03:08 ID:+GiyjH3Q

>>13
Sometimes what you need is do nothing. Just wait till the time comes. I mean, I can't think she isn't trying to open the knot. The point it takes time. Maybe the help she needs is you being by her side. Don't really know. I allways give time to the people.

What do you think?

a.

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-11 16:02 ID:lQKaKXID

I don't know. Time sounds good. I don't want to lose her.

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-11 18:29 ID:ugmQR7M9

how did you meet her OP? was she in a relationship when you first met her?

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-11 19:15 ID:1xrPzVrc

>>17
We were classmates for a while before I started showing interest. When we became friends she wasn't in a relationship. Then friendship rapidly turned into dating and sex.

19 Name: lil' fox : 2007-12-12 03:09 ID:1XJGimUF

>>16

Then, for sure you loves her. Make sure she knows it. I mean, not just repeting constantly, but being her support. You know, sooner or later she'll get aware she can trust you. And (this is important) ask her things, ask her opinion. Even if she responses "mhm" and nothing more. I mean, she alredy counts on your life, so let her know it.

a.

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