I really like a guy friend of mine, but I'm really conflicted about it. For starters, he has a long-term girl friend, who I know (she's nice). But I find myself really like him - he's funny, a little awkward, a geek, but an English major/Philosophy minor, so he's articulate and generally intelligent. And I think he's incredibly attractive physically.
But he smokes (on occation, I guess), and I hate smoking. I don't find myself liking him less for it, but I'm still not sure that I'd be okay with it if anything where to become of the two of us.
So I'm very confused. I'm not often attracted to people, so I'm in the dark on what to do. I don't want to ruin our friendship... If anything, I really want to become closer friends with him rather than just jump in there and make things awkward between us. But I'm not sure how to go about doing that, or how to maybe test the waters to see if he feels the same (despite his having a girlfriend). Any insight or advice?
He has a long-term girlfriend. Do you really feel that you deserve him so much that you would be willing to break something like that? If you really care for him, then be happy that he's happy. If you can't contain your emotions for him, then you cannot be a good friend for him.
Having been in your position, I can say that you should keep your expectations as low as possible.
Myself, I try put out the sparks, before it turns into a bonfire.
Confess interest or make an advance before the feelings get to far gone (might require a delicate approach depending on your existing relationship), and only pursue it further if you get a positive response.
If it's a clear no go, then accept it as an unattainable goal and do whatever you need to do to move on, even if you have to create a wide buffer between your lives.
I know it's unhealthy to feel for someone and not have them reciprocate, and I feel it's wrong to break up a happy relationship.
With genders reversed, your mileage may vary.
Totally agree,...
Your situation accumulates all the red flags: nothing indicates that he's interested in you, he's in a stable relationship, and you even dislike his smoking habits...
Why don't you just consider that you were once together and broke up, or something similar? I think you will be far happier if you look for someone that you like and does not have so many bad strings attached...
You shouldn't ruin your friendship. If you do anything rash, you'll really regret it and can never go back to how you were.
Try to think realistic, how are the chances that he'll leave his girlfriend for you and would it make him happier?
If you truly like someone you'd want him to be happy, even if it means that he's with a other girl.
> If you truly like someone you'd want him to be happy, even if it means that he's with a other girl.
In any generation, there are about eight people on earth who are that selfless.
Seven of them will die alone.
True... I'm happy that he's happy, but there's always that little wondering in the back of my mind! But being his friend is better than potentially ruining everything.
About half the married people in the world die alone.