I've been good friends with a girl for a while now and we do nonintimate things alone that people dating would do but I want it to be more intimate. How can I explain this without losing our friendship if I am rejected or do you think she already would be ok with doing more intimate things without me asking (if she was perceptive I'd think she already knew I was attracted towards her)? I am a male and a freshman in college. Any advice from females especially would be good.
Be gentle about it. Try to wait for a moment when she seems like she wants to hear what you have to say. Also, talk about how having feelings for her, instead of cutting to main point right off the bat. You don't want to seem callous, so give her a chance to say what she feels.
It's all a matter of balance, really: Don't lay it on too heavily or she'll think you're insincere, but also don't act too casually or she'll think you're not really interested.
I think there's a golden rule:
Never confess to her.
It puts a lot of pressure on her, and unless she's incredible sure of her feelings, you will get rejected, or she will feel really bad,...
A much better approach is just to do things that a couple would do. If she accepts to do them with you, it will gradually become obvious to her and to you that there is a point in going out together. Instead of speaking about your feelings about each other, just get to know her feelings about relationships, in general.
So don't ask her if she wants to be your girlfriend, just ask her to do things with you. This way if she refuses, she's not rejecting you. You should only ask her to go out with you when it's blindingly obvious to both of you that you're both interested in it.
(I'm a girl, by the way ☆)
I think that you should offhandedly (but not too much so) mention your feelings for her. If you make a big deal out of asking her out for a real date, it will make her feel really horrible if she wants to reject you, and that will put a strain later on your relationship.
If you ask her cooly to go somewhere with you (but definately specify that it's a date and not just an outing-- a misunderstanding between terminology would be awful!) then she will feel less pressured, not only because she's talking to you as a friend, but also because it will make her feel like your entire life isn't based on her answer (even if it might be). Her answer will be more honest and less impulsive that way.
Good luck~!! ♪♪
Just take small steps, just feel and sense instead of over-analyzing. If you have really good contact with eachother, you can mention it offhandedly, like >>4 said, but don't come on too hard.
And remember to tell us the story afterwards, be it good or bad =)
Sorry to break it but you did this all backwards. You get in a relationship first, then you can be friends. So stop being her friend and start acting like a romantic interest. That means,
1) Not answering her every beck and call.
2) Stop doing intimate things with her. She's USING you to satisfy some desire for intimacy without committing to a relationship (yes, girls can do that too!)
3) Make her jealous. Women are every bit as competitive as men. If you make her think she's going to lose you to some other woman, or you're going to wander off, she'll respond if she has ANY spark of interest in her.
Once you've carefully undone the hooks of friendship, you can casually mention that you want to take her out on a date. Like a REAL date. Dinner, movie, walk in the park, etc. NO dramatic confessions.
"Hey Hotaru, how do I ask out a girl who's a friend but not my girlfriend?"
Simple.
'Hey, wanna go do something later?'
and just take it from there...... You may not even really like this girl, you just may THINK you do.
if she "rejects" you then she really isn't much of a friend to start off with.
A real friend would understand, even if they weren't interested, and would still be your friend and maybe even try to set you up with someone else you might like.
One other thing:
Could someone explain this "confessing your love" spiel to me?
Really. It's not like you killed somebody.
>>8
It's just not something that's really accepted in most societies. Yeah, some people do it, but it's more common just to hide it. It shouldn't really be a big deal, but it is.
i dunno what's up with your girl but if it were me i wouldn't give a damn about my family dinner...c'mon its just food!
Things are different when your granny is into voodoo, man.