I have lost my faith in the female gender and myself (17)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-13 09:52 ID:GcXwUS3S

I recently turned 23, and I no longer have any hope that I'll find a matching mate. Slowly over the past few years it has been made crystal clear to me that all women are either

1) Stupid or irrational
2) Randomly crazy (as in even if they're 'smart', they act insane at times)
3) Physically unattractive (nothing to do with 'hotness'. It has come to my attention most girls don't care about being in good shape and being physically healthy, they care about wearing as much makeup and revealing clothes as possible. Even women who are naturally hot do this, and it turns me off completely.
4) Childish

Even sexually, I have slowly lost my sexual drive to even go out and find a hot one night stand. When a girl in a cute swimsuit used to turn me on, now nothing seems to.

I've really ever been on a few dates ever, and all my relationships have been long distance and total disasters. The few local relationships I've been in have been short and meaningless. I have looked into online dating and joining various clubs, but I have yet to see someone who doesn't fall into the above mentioned turn-offs.

As I kid I read a lot of fantasy novels and watched a lot of anime. I fear that I assumed I would be able to find a well rounded sensible girl that is driven to be as physically, mentally, and emotionally complete/secure as possible (one example - "Nausicaa of the Valley of Wind" from the Manga). Now that I've aged some, I doubt that anyone like that exists outside of fantasy, even though I have worked hard to meet my high standards myself.

I have worked hard not just to get good grades, but I have worked on actually increasing my base intelligence so I am able to get good grades easier and easier. I have a very high GPA. I work out regularly, spending 20 hours a week either running, working out, or doing martial arts. I have worked hard to be as clear a thinker as possible, and am able to match any of my instructors in philosophical or logical debate (for example, in my symbolic logic course I got 109.5% out of 110% possible with a mere half hour of studying a week. The one question I got wrong, I double checked on and I was right but I felt like a jackass arguing for the half a point so I ignored it. The class average was 64%). Emotionally I get along with almost everyone on a friendly level. I am almost always happy - nothing really gets me annoyed, angry or sad and it always confuses me how small things can make others emotional. However, recently I have felt a slight and steady depression (hence this post)

tl/dr: I have worked hard and slowly have become a conceited jerk with high opinion of myself, but conversely I have only driven myself into loneliness and quasi-depression. My standards are way too high, and they aren't exactly the type of thing that can be consciously controlled. I used to distract myself most of the time by being busy and distracted, but lately I've become lackluster in my pursuits and most of my friends are on vacation which has resulted in having tons of time to realize how alone I am.

Anyone been through anything like this? Any suggestions? I'm considering learning another language and going abroad for a year or two as an English teacher, but that's basically only a way to escape the responsibilities of life. I'm kinda aimless now.

/rant

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-13 11:02 ID:Heaven

nobody gives a shit

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-13 11:19 ID:AnRlJWDX

Nothing wrong with childish IMO. If she can stay childish until she's about 40 then she's doing pretty well.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-13 12:49 ID:nvb27/FP

>>1 so true. you and me are very alike my friend, however my sex drive has not been dissapated due to these irrational creatures us men call women. fuel you anger into your fist and punch some bitch in the head, give her a cunt punt, and raep her. you'll find that your sex drive will have re-appeared, however at that point, the only thing that will get you off is brutalising them. fuck yeah

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-13 14:08 ID:pREP1xVD

>>1

Now look I'll give you some actual advice. You need to stop looking at women as equals, not because they are useless, but because they are not as mentally strong as men. You are disappionted for no reason, just accept things for what they are.
Stop looking for a match in abilities, start looking for someone who can compliment your needs.
The fiction you consumed as a child is just fantasy, it doesn't reflect reality. The normal need for a man is to have someone to care for and to provide with safety and affection. In a normal relationship the man gives, and what he recieves foremost is the satisfaction of providing.
You need to find yourself in this role and stop waiting for wonderwoman.
Can you do that? If not, I suggest you simply embrace solitude, because no relationship will bring you anything but misery in the end, and you will waste your energy and regret it. If you say your sexuality is failing, that's just a good thing, given your circumstances. Find satisfaction through other endeavours, but do not allow yourself to be bitter for what you do not have. Instead, realize that not having it gives you more freedom in other areas. Always appriciate what you have instead of missing what you don't. One thing is not better than the other, it's just different. So if you can find yourself in your current situation, you can be happy and fulfilled.

Few accomplish this however, most who try go about fooling themselves in not letting go of their hopes, and it sucks the life out of them. Nonetheless, good luck on whatever you choose.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-13 16:16 ID:Ftmp1Bt5

There's three possible causes to you loneliness

-Seinfeld syndrome. Are you turning girls away because they have a mole on their chin? Because their accent is too thick? Because they slurp their soup? If you're too picky, you won't have any success, period. There may be 3 billion women on the planet and one who's a perfect match but realistically, how many can you date? Give the girls a few strikes before kicking them out.

-Bad luck. Some guys meet great women no matter where they go. Statistically speaking, that means some guys never meet great women no matter where they go. What's a rough estimate of how many women have you dated? How many relationships have you had? Very, VERY few people meet their soul mate on the very first try. I expect I'd have to date at least 100 women, (and meet hundreds more) before I found someone compatible.

-Looking in the wrong places. Bars and clubs are for hooking up. The gym (with a few exceptions) is full of desperate girls two days away from quitting their diet. Think about places where smart people gather. I find a book store population's intelligence to be marginally higher than average.

Let's look at the turn-offs you listed.
1) Stupid or irrational. Stupid I can understand. It's no fun to be around dumb people. But some just aren't book smart. You can tell when someone is sharp but didn't pay attention in school. Pi will be rational before women, I'm afraid to say. They think with their whirlwind emotions. Just accept the least irrational girl.
2)Randomly crazy. Ugh, I know. They devolve before your eyes back to stubborn, screaming 5 year olds. And they say BOYS are slow to mature. This falls under irrationality, so see above.
3)Physically unattractive. You need to overlook the little flaws. I used to think my ex-girlfriend was physically a 5 out of 10, but her looks became endearing over time. Compromises must be made or you'll be hung up about her looks forever.
4)Childish. Again with the maturity. See Looking in the wrong places.

If you go overseas, have fun. If you go to an Asian country, you'll be a celebrity, and this may be the only chance you get to leave the country for a while. The women are similar no matter what the culture, though.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-13 19:09 ID:B61RHog5

>>1
Well, I'm about to turn 23, and your story sort of echoes mine. High standards for others and for myself, realized some time ago how isolated that made me. Then, I came to accept that fact. I didn't want to really lower my standards (even if I don't agree with all of what you list as turn-offs), and chose to hang on what I had.

That went for some years. Then I met a girl who was all I'd ask for, fatally fell in love with her; she ultimately went for a friend of mine, a cool guy, but who isn't like me at all in the end. I realized that the kind of girls I'm searching for probably won't want the kind of guy I am, in the end. I got broken and depressed for a few weeks.

Only now am I slowly recovering, and the only thing I can think of is how this 'adventure' only validated what I thought before. Some people are made to be alone and lonely. People will accept you, will praise you, will like you, but in the end, you'll be all alone. That doesn't mean you'll be sad, maybe just a bit bitter but then again not that much.

A female friend of mine once told me while I was expressing some "strong" emotions (although it probably wasn't the third of what I was actually thinking) that she was surprised to see me in such a state; that she (and probably everyone else, given some people told me almost the same thing through different words) considered me, in her own words, as an old sage on the top of a mountain.

The more I think about it... the more I think she might be right.

When I'm old, I'll surely be on top of a mountain, with a looooong beard, meditating and providing wisdom to the few people who'll happen to pass by.

I'm not sure this is a good thing, but whatever.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-13 19:13 ID:x6kEtoBr

You guys are just pissed off virgins.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-13 20:06 ID:Yu4LuDWX

>>1
I think I know those feelings. I'm also 23, and yes, girls are like that, at least all the ones I have met.

And about the sex desire, don't worry, at some point you get that ability, think of it as an advantage.

Also I'm not going to lie, and say you are going to find someone that will fit you, because is fucking hard.

Maybe what I'm going to say is inmature, but take revenge, meet girls, crush them, futha, and bye bye dear.

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-13 21:13 ID:pREP1xVD

>>9
Revenge for what? If anything we should kick around the useless manwhores who made women what they are today, and introduced this brave new world of fucked up ideals and expectations.

>>7
I'll be on the mountaintop right next to yours

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-13 21:17 ID:Efk/ftXS

> become a conceited jerk with high opinion of myself

Damn right.

>>8
I think you hit the nail on the head there.
It's a pretty big nail, though.

12 Name: OP : 2008-01-13 23:23 ID:GcXwUS3S

>considered me, in her own words, as an old sage on the top of a mountain.

This worries me, I have gotten this exact same or similar complement from a handful of women in the past. People often complement me very favorably, but I guess I just don't appear very relationship-worthy to any of them. As
>>5
said, perhaps that's not really as bad as I'm making it out to be, just a different way of interacting with people. Subpar, but not worthless. As for taking happiness in proving for women, that idea has long been appealing, but I have found that I am able to provide better moral and reasonable support as a friend than as a potential suitor. The few girls I have found that were amazing I have, despite my best efforts, lost contact with since pursuing and we both end up losing a good friend in the process.

>>6
I think it falls into the category of Seinfeld's syndrome, but in a different way. I could really care less about most aspects of a girl - from religious, political, to moral views - as long as she backs them up with passion, reason, and follows them because they reflect who she is, not because she was raised to blindly follow them. I've been attracted physically to some girls others might think unattractive simply because I see them work hard in sports and such to be the best they can. So things that turn me off aren't really small issues I can get over, they seem to be basic mental or emotional qualities - and those are hard to overlook once you develop the predisposition to avoiding them.

I wasn't actually expecting much good advice, but you guys came through with some. Thanks, If you've got any more or any different takes on it I'm happy to hear them.

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-14 02:47 ID:Efk/ftXS

> religious, political
> reason

I would argue to the point of exhaustion that 'reason' is not a reasonable expectation when it comes to those things.

If I were to give you one piece of advice that you had to take, it would be to settle for a full-length mirror as your lover.

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-14 03:27 ID:YD3ly3+B

It's not all women, but all men too. You might not think it at first, but after spending enough time with any human, you realize they are one of the four things you mentioned.

Once you find somebody you truly love, those things don't matter anymore, because you love the person while accepting their flaws.

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-14 03:33 ID:Efk/ftXS

> Once you find somebody you truly love, those things don't matter anymore, because you love the person while accepting their flaws.

Damn right.

16 Name: OP : 2008-01-14 11:00 ID:GcXwUS3S

>>13

>I would argue to the point of exhaustion that 'reason' is not a reasonable expectation when it comes to those things

I disagree. As an example, I have a hard time respecting people of the Mormon religion for the inconsistencies in their faith. They believe the Book of Mormon is true and Joseph Smith was a prophet. However, Joseph Smith argued for Polygamy and said that it was a constant truth of God that polygamy was man's duty. The book of Mormon used to say that blacks where really the angels in Heaven who didn't side with God or Satan, and were cursed with dark skin. However, as soon as these beliefs became politically incorrect, the church magically had 'revelations' they were either mis-translations, or that God had changed the rules. I don't want to make this a bashing post, but I the only Mormon I can respect is one who has faced those facts and overcome them not with emotion, but with reason. Otherwise I can't respect how they either haven't bothered to learn about their own religion, or that they still follow it without justification. I think it is perfectly reasonable to expect someone to back up their beliefs with reason - I'm not saying they can't use emotion to sway their beliefs - of course they can, that's human nature. But just because emotions will always play a role in politics and religion doesn't mean that reason can't play a large role in it either. There is a reason people consider Scientology a total joke.

And as a side note, I have met a few (few) Mormons who really backed up their beliefs with well thought out reasons. Instead of ignoring the facts or changing them, they accepted them, thought carefully on them, and came through in the end - both due to a very strong faith and a logical justification. That I can respect.

>>14
>>15
Yeah, but that doesn't really help much or mean anything. I'm sure if the love of YOUR life became depressed and emotionally unstable, you would stay by her side (I would hope so at least). That doesn't mean you'd be attracted to an emotionally unstable person in the first place, nor that you should be.

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-19 00:31 ID:Heaven

>>14
>>15
You live in a dream where everyone's oh-so-understanding. Wake up.

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