assuming time period of at least 4 years.
yay or nay?
Depends,...
I've been in a LDR for eleven years now, am married and quite happy. So it's doable, but not always easy. But relationships are never easy, long distance or no distance!
4 years is a bloody long time.
i'd say it ain't looking good.
you know what... 'long distance' is only the first milestone to a relationship!
the real hardwork comes when you're commited, maintaining and keeping your feelings 'forever' is what you should worry about!
long distance relationships suck, man. get out of it quick, cus it will only bite u in the ass the longer u stay.
Long distance relationships are not that bad. me and my gf are going 6 months so far. not that long, but i think things are not going to well for use. we fight nearly everyday.
Don't do it.
Tell her you are stone free
To do what you please
Stone Free
To Ride the Breeze
Stone Free
I can't tell
I gotta gotta
GET AWAY
would you break up with your significant other if he/she chooses to go overseas (for whatever reason) for a long period ie.3 yrs or more when he/she could easily stay with you in your homeland?
>>9
If you think it's better for him/her to go away for a known period of time (ie job opportunity, etc), do you think it would be better to be supportive of your significant other, or drop him/her because "it's a long period"?
Also, why don't you follow him/her, if going overseas is a good opportunity?
>>10
better is very subjective in itself.
if its a once in a lifetime job opportunity that will allow someone to realise their dream, then yes, that's definitely better for the person.
but usually its not so clear cut.
and in a perfect world, of course it would be easy to just say 'i'm going to follow him/her for the sake of our relationship' but realistically there are just so many other concerns to address, for eg. financial problems, being tied down yourself etc.
>>11
Well sometimes you realize you overcomplicate some stuff. You just need to set your goals. You want to follow him/her? Well, take a job for some times and save as much as you can, then manage to get a job there (if he/she is already there, ask them to help), travel, work, search for a better job opportunity when you can.
And I know "better" is subjective, but I think these cases are the one where you need to step back a little, watch the situation and try to determine if this trip can help your significant other progressing in life. Be it in life experience, job experience, social skills, etc.
If you deeply think, after that, that it's not worth it, don't just say "bawww you're leaving the country I'm leaving you" (yes, I'm exagerating), but express your concern.
If you're seriously engaged, anyway, this is a matter you have to resolve as a couple and not on your own.
>>8
well, we'd mostly fight because she would over react on something. Long distance relationships are based on trust of the other. sometiems though, we both get a little jelouse and for some reason stop trusting eachother on some things, and thus we fight
we've gotten over it and have stopped fighting now. now i remember how much i absolutly love her :]
>>1
Are you talking about going to college in different places, or something? If so, you're too young to settle down permanently anyway, and are better off not trying to be exclusive for such a long period of separation.
I was in a long distance relationship with the woman I'm now married to (creepy old man here, sorry) on two separate occasions for a total of about four years. Once when we lived in different countries (2 years), and once when we were in graduate school in different cities (2.5 years). It's not impossible, but it's a ton of work, and takes either a real commitment to do everything that needs doing, or a willingness to settle for the next-best-thing (a non-exclusive relationship, perhaps, or whatever works for you). If you're going to make it work, you have to see each other as often as possible, talk daily, and expect to feel frustrated much of the time. Long-distance relationships have all of the same stressors and disfunctions as close relationships, but many fewer immediate rewards--it's all kind of theoretical. So you have to be willing to deal with it and work your ass off, or you have to be sure you're OK with not dealing and working at it.
OP here. Yeah I'm talking about college. She's thinking of going abroad while I'm staying here. Add to the fact that I'll be starting college a couple semesters later than her cos of some other non-related reasons.
Don't do it. Leave the relationship before she does. Because she will eventually if you don't.
>>16 is paranoid
If the girl seems genuinely interested in working with a LD relationship, feel free to try it, but don't pin yourself down based solely on a sense of obligation
I'm not against long distance relationship actually,because i'm into one. We date once a month though. I love her very very much
i started crying buckets thinking of the prospect of my girl leaving for 5 long years. i couldn't help it when i started thinking of how i couldn't hold her, couldn't see her face to face, smell her hair or hold her hand...or that i wouldn't be able to hear her say the stuff she always does straight from her mouth to my ears and not through some webcam...
how do i make a clean break if my girl is going to go away for 5-6 years?
we're both young and she wants to study abroad. i don't believe that a long distance relationship for such a long period is maintainable. to me we should either have a clean break or go all out and be 100% committed and believe it can work.
obviously the second option's out but i just can't bear the thought of a breakup
If you Really think option 2 is out, man up and tell that to her face. You clearly don't think that the two of you are dedicated enough, so it isn't going to work out anyway. The very fact that you don't think it could work out says you shouldn't even be together now because you aren't committed (or you simply don't trust her enough).
The only exception to the "you shouldn't be together now" is if you two haven't been dating for long. In that case, it's sane to say that it might not work out since you don't really know her and/or you haven't had time to decide if you're committed.
But even then I'd say ti shows a clear lack of interest on your part. This isn't to demonize you in any way, because you may gain said commitment later on after continuing to go out with her, but at this point if she's going away and that's how you feel, you shouldn't drag it out at all.
i do think you're demonizing me.
i'm just being realistic. webcam, msn and phonecalls for 5 bloody years? okay maybe throw in a real date once or twice a year. tell me that's workable.
she wants to throw everything away for the sake of wanting a new environment when this problem totally avoidable and a compromise can be made. its not that im not dedicated or that i'm not trusting. i just feel that we need to see each other and go out to actually be in a proper relationship.
>>22 It's workable.
She isn't throwing everything away for a new environment, you selfish bastard; she's seeking out an experience that will develop her person.
If I'm a selfish bastard then she's selfish too. cmon we're all selfish.
i'm selfish cos i want her by my side so we can go out, have fun and see each other.
she's selfish cos she wants to go for her own enjoyment and places it above the hurt that it'll cause me.
that's a fact. it doesn't mean i love her any less for it.
if u truly trust and love her: STAY!!
if u feel signs of distrust and love disdain: LEAVE!!
>>24 You're asking her to stop the normal development of her life simply because you will cry if you don't have things your way. Grow the fuck up. It's not like she's asking you to give up your career or developmental opportunities for her. That's what I mean by saying you're selfish, and you're pathetic if you didn't realize it.
Of course, you probably did and just wanted to justify yourself anyway.
i didn't stop her. i was just saying she's motivated by selfishness. and so am i.
i didn't say i wasn't selfish. i even admitted it. learn to read.
Then you need to compromise,... What are you asking her to give up, and what are you ready to give up?
i'm in a position where i might be getting a scholarship. i'd be willing to give it up if she stayed with me.
i'm asking her to give up 3 years of overseas study which she has wanted for years. but its not totally giving it up. she plans to do a masters after her bachelors so she can still go overseas for 2 years eventually.
>she plans to do a masters after her bachelors so she can still go overseas for 2 years eventually.
This is exactly what I meant by compromise,... You're getting there.
YES. that is what i proposed. a compromise! but she doesn't want to do that. hence my conclusion that she is selfish. (yes so am i but still...)
and now guess what.
she'll be leaving start of april which leaves us with so little time left together since we only go out on weekends. and tomorrow she wants to go home early to study for some bloody language exam she has to take next saturday. that's two saturdays spoilt.
i don't know if i can see the light at the end of the tunnel anymore.
to top it off, she can choose to leave in june but she chooses to do so in april...right before our 1 year anniversary.
>>31 here. one more thing. its clear that i love her more than she loves me. or at least i've made myself more emotionally vulnerable and i prioritise our relationship higher than she does.
logically, any man in such a situation would get out of this crap asap. after all, why should i stay in such a compromising position where my gf isn't as into me as i am into her?
but the thing is i just can't bring myself to end it just like that. things were largely going well before this whole long distance issue came up?
>>32 Please stop being a fucking emo and thinking the world should revolve around you.
Thanks.
>>1
I have been in an LDR for almost 2 years now. The set time period when it began was about 4 years. One of us is in Illinois, and one is in California. It's very difficult when you are especially close to someone and they are so far away. Especially too, during difficult times in both of our lives. We talk on the phone almost every day, and even play online games together. We watch YouTube together over the phone alot too. She came here in July of last year. The memories we shared were amazing. We are tottally committed and stubborn about it, and are in it for the long run.
But honestly, these 2 years have gone by so fast, we both agree that it doesn't even seem like it's really been so long!
I think LDR is a good thing, and can show how much you really do love another person. There is absolutely nothing wrong with them, as long as you are committed, and can abstain from checking out other guys and girls and secretly doing things with them behind the other's back, and things like that.
Persist! It shall be worth it in the end.
!--[L D R]--!
A True Test of True Love!!
-HK
>>33
i am a fucking emo. so? this whole issue is gnawing at me bit by bit everyday. i need any outlet i can get. that's the beauty of this board...being able to tell the pure, uncensored truth without every worrying about political correctness.
>>34
thanks man. honestly. i'm really trying to see things in a more positive light and trying my best to get geared up for an ldr. hearing success stories make me feel much better about it.
>>35 here.
hey guys now i have the option of going over to join her after one year. it is very tempting. we would be able to rent an apartment together over there.
but the thing is i'm not sure if i'd be compromising my principals by building my life around hers.
i don't mind going overseas plus i'm sure i'll be able to find a course of study that is suitable for me over there. but the thing is i wouldn't be going if not for the fact that she will be there.
Just fucking do it, man!!
This whole thread was created because you didn't want to be out of physical contact with her for 4 years and now you have your chance to avoid that. SO FUCKING DO IT.
>>36
i say do it man. i'm in a LDR, and we havnt really been going out that long (7 months, 1 day, 5 hours, 37 minutes) and i would give anything to see her right now. we're going through a tough time but in the end a LDR is worth it :] it's a true test of trust in the other. without trust, your relationship dies