Complications in friendship (17)

1 Name: The King in Yellow : 2008-03-03 07:00 ID:+6/RumIb

So I've got a bit of a problem. My best friend's girlfriend has always had a bit of a crush on me, and has made mention of it several times in the past. Since she's utterly devoted to him and I didn't know her before they got together, it's never really been an issue beyond "whatever" to me.
In the last couple months she's been a lot more open to me and asking some advice about their relationship. Cool, I figured, I'm more than willing to help her, and by proxy my buddy, out if she needs it. This continues pretty steadily, and she becomes a bit more of my friend, though I still mostly just view her as his girlfriend. She comes by occasionally, usually with him, but sometimes just to hang out or whatever. I make dinner pretty often (I'm a cook), which she always claims is the best she eats.
A couple weeks ago she confided that she's been having wayward thoughts regarding her boyfriend. I told her it was kind of to be expected given that she's seen him at least half the days of the week for over two years now. Eventually she tells me that she's been having a lot of dreams about me, and came out and said that she's insanely attracted to me. I'm kind of taken back since I don't view myself in such a positive light whatsoever, but she insists on it and says she wants to see me the following day.
So the next day rolls around. She stops by my apartment and we decide to go get something to eat at a neighborhood pub that our circle of friends goes to a lot. We eat some food and have a couple drinks and decide to go back to my place and watch a movie. Sometime during all of this, she decides to come get under my blanket with me and cuddle me. Eventually this turns into petting, and is capped by a few deep kisses.
I'm honestly at a loss of what to do next. We've talked a lot the last few days and it's essentially been come down to that she's still hopelessly devoted to him but holds a flame for me and wants to see me again, and I'm having to use all my willpower not to fall in love with her. I don't want to let go of her, but at the same time I know that night was incredibly foolish considering her relationship to someone that close to me. I suppose I don't really want advice on what to do, considering I already know what I need to do but just don't want to do it. Has anyone here been in a similar situation and/or have any nuggets of wisdom to share about something like this?

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-03 07:35 ID:W2pp9OnL

His girlfriend is a fucking slut, which leads me to wonder:
-Why are you even halfway into her?
-Why have you not alerted your friend that his, BITCH! is hitting on you?

You say you're a cook? Personally I would have boiled her cunt in oil ages ago, you need to fucking NOT stand for this bullshit. Yesterday...

Obviously you know you've complicated matters by having been intimate with her, so doing the right thing at this point will cost you much more than it should've. Still, your honor as a man demands no less.

3 Name: SpireAtlanta!SGRPrwhmGE!!DwFbhmLv : 2008-03-03 07:44 ID:Heaven

>>2 True understanding here entails a recognition of the girl's predicament, as well. OP needs to tell the best friend about what happened (Including her story of attraction and OP's own feelings.), and to start with admitting that they kissed, but doesn't need to fire at the girl like she's a reasonable scapegoat. There's no such thing as a reasonable scapegoat.

OP, you're probably not going to have a friend after this, though you might work it out over time. As far as that goes: Deal with it.

As for the girl, I do have to agree that she clearly isn't mature, and that is enough reason to not have anything more to do with her. Her immaturity will affect you negatively, and you don't need that.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-03 15:53 ID:Heaven

>>3
Ofcourse she isn't, and he should obviously assume responsibility for his part in this. But she is still a slut and frankly, so is OP. Basing their actions on emotions here will cause injuries I wish for no human. The only way he will learn from this is by doing the right thing.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-03 19:57 ID:dHTT99b+

First stop what you are doing with her because this girl is crazy and will only cause more trouble. Second tell your friend everything, and expect the worst possible outcome. Don't make another mistake by letting him find out on his own, just man up to your actions and accept the consequences. Third, stay away from her. This girl is nothing but trouble, you and your friend should have nothing to do with her.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-03 20:40 ID:Heaven

If you're going to jeopardise your friendship then at least make sure she's worth it. Is she worth it??

7 Name: da PG king : 2008-03-03 21:53 ID:s0NuPAnT

Be a playa...

go around your friends back...

I should make a thread on how to get away with that shit.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-03 23:33 ID:mKRqBFBC

>>7
The only good advice in this thread...

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-04 03:10 ID:+3gS254z

Fuck her for all she's worth, but don't fall in love with her. She's not girlfriend material, for sure.

10 Name: da PG king : 2008-03-04 03:11 ID:s0NuPAnT

>>9 Amen!

11 Name: To be or not to be : 2008-03-04 04:56 ID:pwoXx2UA

First talk to your friend, explain the situation. Do the reverse psych. cliché line "look if you don't want to, i won't see her..." , only if your feelings are strong.

If you go behind his back without talking, and it does get serious between you two, you will not be able to hide it anymore. Plus, such betrayals affect people the most.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-04 06:38 ID:W2pp9OnL

>>7
What the fuck you talking about, you aint got no friends
>>9
You're not friend material, for sure
>>11
Sneaky fucking bastard... Try "not to be", nothing of value will be lost.

Seriously where do all these shitheads come from? There should be severe punishments for infidelity towards both friends and significant others. For the world of me I do not understand why it's not up there together with things like theft, assault, abuse and other such crap.

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-04 09:48 ID:RfELD51B

What >>12 said.
What >>12 said.
What >>12 said.

Although you may feel funny for trolling, you're not. >>12 is right and you need to do a few things:

  1. Stop being such a desparate faggot and realise that maybe there is someone out there for you.
  2. Accept what you did, and admit it without embellishing.
  3. Cut all ties with her.

When you've done all of this your friend will probably hate your guts, but maybe afterwards you'll be on the path to becoming a man.

14 Name: M : 2008-03-05 10:30 ID:PvEkasWe

She’s probably wanting you because of the excitement and drama it creates in her relationship, and she is turned on by the fact that she is possibly cheating on her bf. There are girls like this because there was some problematic manifestation from the relationship she had with her dad. For example, having a dad who wasn’t committed to the family can create this psychological inclination to pursue guys who aren’t committed to her, and find them attractive. Once she knows that her boyfriend is committed, she doesn’t find him attractive as much, on the other hand you create drama. Yet she knows the values of the relationship with her boyfriend so she is basically using you to get what she wants, excitement, and at the same time keeping her relationship.
You already know what to do, for yourself. But I would say, do you want your best friend to be in a relationship with a girl who is willing to cheat on him? I think you should come clean with your best friend, using as much euphemism so he doesn’t over react. If you have a good friendship with your best friend, he’ll thank you for your truthfulness. Even if he doesn’t believe you in the beginning, it will open his eyes to what his girlfriend is doing. Currently your best friend might be clueless, or have some suspicion but is ignoring it, thinking that he is just being paranoid. If you come clean with your best friend, he will eventually make the decision of keeping the relationship or letting it go. Your best friend could get mad at you for making out with her. And you should apologize for that… and at the same time be willing to give him space. If he is smart enough, he’ll realize that this girl isn’t worth pursuing and break up with her.
Honestly, for some people it is hard to stop the urge to cheat on a boyfriend/ girlfriend if they are brought up in an environment thinking that it is okay. Things like this always sabotage a relationship, and she wont’ learn to stop until she has some experience ruining her relationship… which is sad.

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-05 15:55 ID:5NrvEkZY

Let me be as blunt as possible with you.
No matter what you do, you are running a 90% probability of losing this friendship. Drunk or not, you've already gone way too far.
I do not automatically agree with the other posters in this thread that she's probably rather flighty and looking for excitement, however, this is also a situation of "She did this WITH me, how can I trust she won't do this TO me?" Try to let her down lightly; something like "I'm sorry, but I just can't do this to [best friends name here]. I was drunk/not thinking clearly that night... I'm sorry, but I don't think we should hang out any more."
And then follow through. Don't hang out, no matter how tempting it is.

Now, on the other end, you also have to save the friendship somehow. Obviously, there are two choices: Lie or tell the truth.
If you lie, and he finds out, then you're fucked. If you tell the truth, and he didn't suspect anything, and wouldn't've asked, then you just dumped this on your friend to relieve your own conscience. As I said, you're probably going to lose the friendship. There's no real way around that unless you invent a time machine.

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-05 22:27 ID:HeU+cqYY

Bros before hoes

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-06 03:27 ID:Heaven

>>15

>If you tell the truth, and he didn't suspect anything, and wouldn't've asked, then you just dumped this on your friend to relieve your own conscience

And/or to follow through with the ethical admittance of guilt to a party who may be injured by potential future revelation of said act, or who may be harmed by said girl continuing this type of behavior.

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