would you rather love more or be loved more (25)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-09 14:35 ID:aX9UayTM

i believe that in every relationship there will always be one party who loves his/her partner more than the partner loves him/her.

there is no problem in this unless the disparity is too big.

but would you rather be the one who is being loved more...or the one who is doing more of the loving?

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-09 15:21 ID:h690bG/d

Being loved more, the other side hurts like a mothefucka.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-09 15:55 ID:WSaCyudL

>>2

i'd imagine that being the one who's loved more means you might not be as 'into' the relationship and the dizzying feelings of being swoony in love is less. haha pros and cons mate...

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-09 16:32 ID:Heaven

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5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-09 19:16 ID:jNFjM7+Z

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6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-09 19:25 ID:h690bG/d

>>3 True, but i was on the other side once and you never really get over it.

7 Name: Chou : 2008-03-10 03:29 ID:YipGmWXL

I'd like to say love more, but it'd probably be wasted D:

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-10 10:49 ID:chyk5qNf

>>6

i am on the other side (ie. loving more) and both of us recognise it.

i'm the guy and i keep thinking this is unhealthy. i'm always the one building my life around hers. and placing her as my top priority most of the time. trying to change...

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-10 10:54 ID:Heaven

>>8
I'd like to be loved more but I'd place my significant other as my number one priority. If she wanted something from me I'd fulfull that request, assuming it was a reasonable one. I'm the type that's clingy and will stop whatever I'm doing if my significant other called me.

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-10 20:44 ID:TgVWj3KI

From way over on the other side of the fence, being loved and not being able to return it is hard to describe, but entirely unpleasant.
These feelings are as difficult to create as they are to ignore.
The hardest part is the necessity of hurting another person emotionally in order to move on.
It's also vicariously embarrassing when a woman refuses to let go (I mean physically as well as emotionally, like you need a crowbar to pry her arms off you).

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-10 23:01 ID:wb0DLoEl

These things can alternate, and sides switch,... Phases vary

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-11 16:22 ID:goQVPqY7

>>11

i dont think so. once the 'frame' of the relationship is set for a couple of months its quite hard to change...

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-11 18:19 ID:PAqwvo1J

I'm loved more, and she knows it, and it's frankly kind of depressing sometimes. I love her, but not quite like she loves me. But I try to make up for it by being very attentive.

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-11 20:58 ID:XzUSMSrw

I wish my girlfriend loved me more than I loved her.

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-12 11:25 ID:WSaCyudL

>>13
don't let her down...but then again don't be bounded to love her by a sense of obligation...i think that kind of thing happens sometimes...

>>14

me too...for my case the 'power balance' was okay at the beginning...but gradually i centred my life around her.

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-12 17:43 ID:PAqwvo1J

>>15

>>for my case the 'power balance' was okay at the beginning...but gradually i centred my life around her.

Ah, but you see, the same thing can happen if you're the more loved (>>13 here, obviously)... when I say "being very attentive," I might as well say "centering my life around her." She's very much the center of my life, almost as if I'm trying to make up for something. Oh, and we're married, not just dating, so I'm committed to not letting her down.

I shouldn't exaggerate the difficulties. I do love her, just not quite like she loves me. I'm also angrier and more depressive than she is, which frankly gives me sort of an excuse.

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-12 23:10 ID:wWG1TEFi

I think in my current relationship, I actually am loved more. ALOT more. I do love her with everything inside of me, and I would do anything in this world for her, but it's hard to feel the same way for her as I have others in the past. We've already made a marriage date and everything, and I am content with our relationship, and I want to be with her forever. Sometimes though, I feel like I have felt stronger love for someone in the past than I have for her...

It kind of bothers me, because I want to love her more, and there isn't anything she is doing that makes me love her less, in fact she is perfect to me. I just don't know what it is that makes me feel like our relationship is about her loving me, and having this amazing story, and I am the other character being sought after so much, and loves her, but has had alot more love intense relationships in the past...it's odd really...but I am sure she loves me more, and I hate saying that because I strive to love her more, so much my head bursts, and it's hard sometimes. I almost feel like I am forcing myself to love her...because I want to. XD I know that sounds weird...idk...

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-14 00:30 ID:SUwi2GO/

>>17 Perhaps it would be useful to take a short break so that you can date a bit? Let your feelings end up being what they will be? ya know?

19 Name: 808azn : 2008-03-17 12:24 ID:cC/4LxzF

i would like to love more. Being loved is a heavy burden

20 Name: LovedAndAsian : 2008-03-17 12:28 ID:AM5LIYIx

I'm tired of both .. T_T aka-broke up

21 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-17 14:24 ID:lS9t3CHX

she's gonna fucking choose to go for somebloody class outing with her ex-school mates when she already agreed to hang out with me.

i hate loving more...

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-17 17:00 ID:1SLdJmpA

tonight things exploded. we were talking on msn. the topic went to our r/s again...and since i asked her to always be straightforward about what she felt, she was.

she said all the problems are making her rather go out with her friends/classmates than with me. this friday i actually had plans with her...but she called it off cos of class outing. i asked if it was an easy decision...she said quite easy. about this friday thing...i felt damn frustrated cos we already made plans, but i wanted to be less clingy so i even told her to go ahead have fun.

she actually asked me to go hang out with my friends more and get more of my own life. don't let everything in my life revolve around her. she said if its like that i won't survive after she goes.

she said she knows i'm controlling myself not to get pissed off about her not choosing to spend time with me (out of the whole week, she's only giving me saturday afternoon). she said i should naturally be fine with it...cos whenever i have outings on she doesn't whine about it at all cos she's not so dependent. and she said she gave me too much of her time that's why i end up like this...told me to stop being so dependent and clingy.

and this is the worst...she said she doesn't feel kan cheong at all that we have little time left to go out (she's leaving in 2 weeks time.) i asked her would she mind if we dont meet at all until she flies...she said she don't mind and got no feeling about this... sad.gif

she said she doesn't think she'd feel like that if all the problems didn't happen. the thing is the problems are all built up for several mths...

i feel like the girl in the relationship...and she is the man. i've become so wimpy. the entire frame of the relationship is wrong. she knows it, i know it.

i'm not the person i was...i wasn't so needy before. and she's not who she was also...now so cold and distant...even she realises it but says that she don't know why she's like that. should i end it? i dunno if this can be saved...cos the problem seems too deep rooted already. she doesn't respect me as a man anymore...its like even if we stay together i'm not sure if there's any way to solve this. her sadness has evolved to impatience and contempt...

another option would be to take a time out for couple of months...since she's going overseas but will be back in july to apply for a visa.

i am really on the verge of ending it...i still love her, but i dunno if i can love her if she views me like this..i dunno if i can take a relationship where she obviously doesn't care as much about anymore. and she has the upper hand over me. maybe i should just stop torturing myself. let her move on and let myself move on.

any advice?

23 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-22 03:16 ID:PxA+Sxx6

>>22 It isn't hr fault that you want more time with her than she thinks is good. Furthermore, perhaps you simply want more time than the people she's met before. It isn't necessarily unhealthy/over-dependent. However, it may very well be.

Advice? Break up with her, talk to a counselor or other friends to find out if you are being overly dependent. I suppose you could post more here, as well, but I don't think that'll help as much.

As for you being "wimpy", etc., perhaps you're just thinking of yourself as in the wrong and therefore bashing yourself.

24 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-22 04:29 ID:fGOJT4hC

I would prefer to love more.

In high school, my first real girlfriend (I had a couple of drunken make out sessions that resulted in a week of a awkwardness or "I don't remember anything" lie from either us) loved me more then I could really understand. I don't know why, honestly, it was a pretty geeky art-nerd first relationship. She would write poetry about me, talk about getting old together, design tattoos that she wanted me to get, etc. Eventually it got to be way too much, and I dumped her.

25 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-22 05:44 ID:6UusAe9m

> getting old together, design tattoos that she wanted me to get, etc..

Ew.

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