So there's this girl in the youth orchestra I'm in. I'm 16, she's 13. I once walked towards the 4-girls-group she's standing in in the break, which is how I came to know her. Afterwards we didn't have any contact for a long long time. [/backgroundstory]
Now she's smiling the absurdely biggest smile I've ever seen whenever I walk past her or whatever, usually companied with a "hi!" (then walking quickly past me). Now she's also sometimes rubbing my hair. Reminder: I'm 16, she's 13.
So my suspiction is that she's in love with me. And she's actually well developed (like Mikuru Asahina, I guess?) ánd she's the first girl in a long time to show interest in me, so I decided to give it a go. Problem is, I usually really mess up with girls, and I don't want to mess up this time. I haven't had a girlfriend for 6 years, so no experience there.
I'm looking for some beginner's advice, and any suggestions or comments about this situation would be nice too. Thanks for reading.
It's only a high school crush; she'll lose interest in you eventually. Unless you're just going for casual sex, stay away, but given your young ages there's going to be way too much drama involved for it to be worth it. If you ask me, it would be better to stay away and wait until you two are mature enough to handle real relationships.
Yeah she's in love with you; she's fucking 13.
>>3 LOL. Exactly.
OP, if you actually think there's even the slightest chance of this not being schoolgirlhormonescrush, then just keep it casual conversation. If she continues to like you for the next two years, then you can make a move.
PEDO!!!!!
Yeah bro, sorry... that's called temporary crush. Also, 16 and 13? Ehhhh... I'd say no. It may only be 3 years difference, but the difference in maturity (physically, emotionally, and mentally) between a 13 year-old and a 16 year-old is vast. Trust me, when I was 17 I slept with a 14 year-old, and I look back I realize that was way too much to handle.
Find yourself a nice girl your age, and keep it real.
16+13 does not equal pedo, and should not be treated as such.
That said, the age difference still might become a problem emotionally or legally.
The age difference was my issue as well, but I asked my friends and they said it should be okay (and that I should take this chance), so I think that at least is accepted here.
But what about you saying I should wait for maturity, do I have to girlfriend my right hand for two more years? I`m getting a bit bored of that, you know.
Anyway, I`ll be having a concert tonight, so some quick pointers on how to act etc will be highly appreciated. You have to understand I already decided I am going for the girl.
Just compliment her on something stupid and make equally stupid jokes. It's like shooting dead fish with a water gun in a small barrel.
I don't think a difference of 3 years is so important, and it's quite common to have girls going for older guys. 13 and 16? I see no problem there.
As for the temporary crush, I think you people should get real. Even for people in their twenties feelings start fragile, and then become stronger with time. And you don't intend to marry this girl, right? So why not take your chance to enjoy your time with her, and take this opportunity to mature a bit?
All in all, I think you are asking yourself too many questions. Just go for it, enjoy it. Who knows, it may even turn to be your lifetime relationship. Unlikely, but so are all relationships anyway. At the least, it could be a relationship which could provide fond memories for the rest of your life,...
>>1
lol that's so cute, but seriously don't go after her. Let her have her little crush, if this is really something, it needs years to age.
Don't let your personal thirst for love and affection cloud your judgement.
PEDO!!!
When I was 13 I asked out a 17 year old guy, but he actually looked about 24 and may have been older. I was 13 and looked 13. He said yes. Anyway looking back, I think he's a total pedo!
We had nothing in common and he just kept trying to kiss me. I
really didn't want to do it cause I wasn't ready yet.
>>13
You are pretty twisted, actually,... Of course he should not force into something you did not want, but on the other hand you were attracted to him and showed it. Kissing is a natural extension of that, can't blame the kid for wanting it. It's natural, at 12 I was kissing (willing) classmates.
And please review your personal definition of pedophlia. Hint: pedo is your husband if he screws you 4 year old kid. There is no comparison with the case discussed here. C'mon, even Juliet was 14 in Shakespear drama, it does not make it lolicon!
OP... 13 and 16 is a little different... the difference in age may be okay, but that 13 year old just came out of middle school... can you guarantee that you wont do something stupid that can hurt her? Think about that.
Well I'm back and guess what... she wasn't at the concert. She was overstrained. From what I hear, she hasn't been on school for a week, making me accidentally one of the last people she saw before she overstrained - which was just a short cycle back home, after orchestra repetition last week.
I asked another girl her mailadress ("to send her my get well wishes"), and she just referred to the girl's schoolmail, which she probably never uses. I guess I can't really do anything about the situation... -__-
>>16
protip:
contact her over the internet in any way at this point and you will only come across as creepy
I would still not recommend it, brother. I'm with >>15 here. 3 years may not be a big difference for 18/21 or 19/16, but 16/13? The mentality of a 13 year-old is vastly different from that of a 16 year-old.
Surely there's a fine orchestra geek honey your age that is around that you can connect with. Just look around, man, just look around.
>>18
Thanks, didn't know :). Though I find it hard to do nothing at all right now.
Guys, she looks like 15, she's more developed than some girls my age. She's also turning 14 soon. You shouldn't worry so much about that part.
Don't listen to anybody being an idiot. A 13 year old is already pretty healthily sexual, especially if they're girls. It's not like you're robbing the cradle because they're 3 years younger. You've had 3 years more life experience than her, but if you talked to her you'll see it's not a hugely dividing difference.
Just treat her like you would any other girl. Just be your nerdly self (based on that Mikuru inference you're definitely a nerd). If she doesn't like it, that's her problem. Don't go ranting in her ear about how Lucky Star is a funny anime and how most people don't get it or anything, but don't advertise yourself as something you're not.
>>21 Thank you, at least there's some basic advice :D
Anyway, she wasn't on school again, so now she's even longer than a week overstrained. So I've got a question for you guys: would you say it's romantic, or creepy to contact her in some way at this point?
I could imagine I could score some big points if she thinks it's romantic, but I'll fall hard if she doesn't.
Try sending her a cute get well soon type card. Or maybe you should ask one of her friends to take it to her. If she's interested in you, it'll make her really happy. If she isn't, well, you'll just come off as being someone who cares.
>>23
>>24
He will come off as someone trying to get inside a 13y/o girls panties, do you guys fail at life or something, WTF? Don't tell this poor guy to slay himself.
At this point, the correct approach is: Ask a friend of hers if she is ok. Ask her friend to tell her to get better, and/or Trumpet said "hi"
No fucking cards and shit at this stage goddamn
Thanks for your involvement, though >>25 might actually be right on the stage thing, so I'll try his advice. Still, thank you all so much, I'm really happy with the input.
Stick it in her fucking pooper.