Can only get fuckbuddies, but no girlfriend (21)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-14 00:08 ID:2+aAxdEh

I have a bit of a problem right now in my life.

Recently, I just got out of a casual sexual relationship that was quite fun. Hot, sweaty, no-hole-unplugged all-night-every-night sex/BDSM play with a female friend of mine... whew, it was amazing!

But now that she has moved, I am looking back on the situation and thinking... I still feel something is missing. I still feel unsatisfied, and I think I know why: I haven't been in a relationship in three-and-a-half years, and I'm slowly beginning to miss that. I've slept with 6 people and fooled around with 5 others (I think...) in the past 3 years. However, these were ALL casual encounters... one-night stands and fuck-buddy arrangements. I try to find myself a sweet, nice, down-to-earth girl, and they all seem to flake out on me... and I can only find people that are uninhibited and eager, but also a little psycho O__O;;.

This frustrates me, as it's not like I'm being particularly pushy... I stopped trying to fuck on the first date a good while back, and have refined my more gentlemanly qualities, so I'm not (I hope) coming off to the "nice girls" as some kind of sleazebag... yet no luck in terms of finding a girl who will LOVE me for who I am. =(

...I'm sick of fucking; I want to know how it feels to make love again. Help me?

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-14 00:51 ID:R0WrwSGW

>>1 Perhaps the best advice I can give you consists of two things: A) Forget about sex entirely for at least the first few weeks (unless she brings it up), and focus instead on learning about new women and discovering what you are interested in in life (and then relating that to them), and B) talking to women in general who you aren't interested in having sex with. They're great for asking how to approach relationships.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-14 02:59 ID:2+aAxdEh

>>2

>>A) Forget about sex entirely for at least the first few weeks

Tried that, mate, and it just sort of... happens. Like I said, when I try to attract a nice, down-to-earth girl with a lot of the same interests as me and is on the same intellectual level as me, they flake out... whereas the wilder ladies stay longer (but not very long regardless).

>>B) talking to women in general who you aren't interested in having sex with.

I have a LOT of platonic females friends, and I value them greatly. The problem is that I can't get that great of advice from them... I usually get a "Friend Zone" speech: "Awww, man, you're a sweetheart, of course you'll find a girl who will stick with you and genuinely love you, if I didn't already see you as, like, a brother to me, I would definitely date you!" (rolls eyes). That, or I end up sleeping with them/fooling around with them eventually... and once again, I get stuck with "I just wanna keep this casual, and just between us." ARRRRRGH!

4 Name: little fox : 2008-03-14 03:29 ID:ErbSDq7A

So, then, leave the sex at all. I mean, genitally ;), because sex is our conformation: you know: male - female hehehe. I mean, sex is a part, not the whole. You can't catch the whole by sex, and what I guess you want is a woman (a entire person), not just those square cms called erotic zones ;)

Now, here come the hardest part. You have to stop them. Hehe. We all know it's so hard. Maybe she'll like it in the end... if she deserves it. As I can see for your "talk" you don't have... how I can say it... intellectual insufficiency hehe. So, let's try to rule our body by our mind. I guess we all can. Even if it's hard to do.

And I'm not meaning "platonic" relations.

-have look. You need it.

a.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-14 12:18 ID:AyYXL9vO

Do you have any idea why your romantic relationships fail? Don't you notice a pattern?

Hard to say anything without further information, but intuitively it seems like maybe you're not interested enough in the girl you're aiming for?

How did you meet your potential girlfriends?

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-14 18:47 ID:2+aAxdEh

>>Do you have any idea why your romantic relationships fail? Don't you notice a pattern?

I have only noticed one pattern, and it's quite tragic: every person I have ever been in a relationship with- every single one- has cheated on me or left me for another person. Not just left me or broke things off with me; left me for another person. Not a single exception. Seriously, all 4 break-ups I have experienced in my young life has ended with "I'm sorry... but... I've found someone else" (except in 1 exception, where I only found out 2 weeks after the fact that she was boinkin' a good friend of mine). Some luck, neh?

>>How did you meet your potential girlfriends?

All over the place: school, parties, the bookstore, through friends... Meeting women is easy!

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-14 21:10 ID:OKYoIPy2

Well,... In that case in think you are perhaps rushing things, and starting the relationship too soon,... Get to know the girl well before going out with her.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-14 21:57 ID:2+aAxdEh

>>7
I make it an effort to NOT rush things... I don't like to come across as a fuckin' wussbag. Clingy, desperate behavior turns women off immediately. In fact, I think it is my chill, laid-back, and slightly-cocky behavior (sarcastic, but with a humorous, charming tone) that makes me popular with women and makes it easy to get them into my bed.

When I do take my time, take it slow, etc. with a girl, they eventually flake out on me, or throw me in the "Friend Zone".

I don't get it, I thought chicks dig the "bad boy"?

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-14 22:06 ID:2+aAxdEh

Oh, and another thing:
I have noticed that some of my guy friends are like "Dude, how do you get all those chicks?! Teach me your ways!" and I do show them the ropes. They use my techniques, and they all end up finding stable girlfriends. I... end up getting my dick sucked in the bathroom.

Okay, let's get it this into perspective: Coming across as a wussy, desperate guy is not my problem. It's the fact that I'm coming across as a manwhore. How do I quit coming across as the "playah"/manwhore and become the dashing, charming guy that will rock a girl's world, not just her bed?

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-15 02:06 ID:gIaBcdcx

>>9

Goddamn, I wish you'd come over here and rock my world and my bed. Someone with a little self-confidence is exactly what I need right now.

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-15 02:22 ID:2+aAxdEh

>>10
Heh, good to see I'm charming even on 4-ch.

A guy friend of mine said tonight "Dude, I wish I had your problem!"

No you don't, my friend, no you don't... (sighs)

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-15 22:14 ID:2+aAxdEh

You know what?

Forget it. I'll worry about this when I go back to school in the Fall. Until then, I'm gonna keep playin' around and doing my thing.

DAMN it feels good to be a gangsta.

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-16 11:39 ID:Heaven

After reading >>12 I feel like we've all been taken on a ride by a certain fag.

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-22 03:05 ID:PSEJ440L

>>13 Seikai. "all 4 relationships" ended up in a girl going for someone else, and that = BAWWW I'LL NEVER FIND ANYONE, while also somehow being compatible with being a "ladies man"?

Just in case the PG King line was inadvertent and OP is just a clumsy guy who has a one-track pattern: OP, learn to talk to the women about deeper issues, and not just whatever you've been doing tot his point. Asking if they want a long-term relationship is probably a good start. Then see how well you match up with ehr when hanging out in general.

In other words, make sure she wants what you want and rather than woo her, just notice if you enjoy each other's time and feel attracted in non-date settings most of the time.

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-22 04:24 ID:h6ZunIh/

This sounds exactly like my senior at my last job. Dude, just buy more cars :P

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-04 04:09 ID:CNovCxvZ

>>1

>>I try to find myself a sweet, nice, down-to-earth girl, and they all seem to flake out on me...

rofl you are a fuckbuddy type but want a Cinderella lolol. I feel bad for the girl seriously.

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-04 04:10 ID:CNovCxvZ

>>1

>>I try to find myself a sweet, nice, down-to-earth girl, and they all seem to flake out on me...

rofl you are a fuckbuddy type but want a Cinderella lolol. I feel bad for the girl seriously.

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-04 11:09 ID:m+zpbGfN

>>17

I agree, nice girls wouldn't want guys who sleeps around all the time...

perhaps you need a change in... errrr hobbies?

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-04 18:45 ID:2+aAxdEh

>>18
OP here, amazed that this topic got bumped up!

Yeah, I've done a lot of thinking and studying since I last posted, and I realized I am going to take a break from sex and dating for a while (like I said). I'm going to quit being a dumbass, get to the root of the problem and quit being a manwhore. No more fucking on the first date, no more banging my female platonic friends just after they get out of a relationship (i.e. stop being an idiot and getting sucked into being the rebound boy), no more drunken romps at parties... Keep myself in control of my desires instead of being a slave to them.

You live, you learn. Hopefully, with this reality-check and new mindset, I can- at a later date, after I've done some more thinking and maturing- get back in the game and find LOVE instead of just finding ass.

20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-04 19:00 ID:Heaven

>>19

Hey, good luck OP. You sound like a pretty cool guy.

21 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-05 02:23 ID:UtdwMBu/

gl, hope you can do it.

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