When feelings fade/change (7)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-14 17:27 ID:z+ZOmvgz

how do you deal with it when the initial 'honeymoon' period ends and the rush of being in love kinda dies down? in its place, arguments start, and differences in mentality and values come to the fore.

I'm in my first relationship so I'm clueless. I keep hearing that this is part and parcel of being in a relationship and can be dealt with...but how?

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-14 18:22 ID:C5aXyAUi

Delusional: yes can be dealt with, fake it

Truth: Everything ends

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-14 21:22 ID:26MobtSv

Relationships change, that is inevitable, because people themselves change. Those that don't change die.

Your relationship reached a crisis point. If you fail to adress the crisis, it will fail. But if you manage to solve it, it will strive, because it will have become deeper. Probably the current crisis is due to the fact that both of you are behaving more naturally than before, and each one of you is having trouble coming to grips with the newly apparent aspects of the other,... The key to solve this is to get to know and accept the other, while making compromises on certain aspects of your relationship. You also have to learn to deal with conflicts whithout ending in violent arguments.

The good point of passing this crisis point is that you will be able to behave more naturally with your partner, and know that you are being loved for what you are, and not because of you partner's illusions about you.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-15 17:09 ID:yrT/KXy5


wow thanks. that was a really insightful post. OP here btw.

okay now the thing is that my gf had actually been feeling some unhappiness about our relationship but had kept it to herself. so this feeling has been building up. and i only just found out about it.

she herself cannot pinpoint exactly what the problem is, but the closest thing we can guess is that she's sad over how we disagreed and how i handled our arguments...leading to her feeling sad and unsatisfied. all this while i never knew it was such a big issue to her...

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-16 09:53 ID:FxqTMyXO

Lack of communication is a common source of problems, because like you said, it allows conflicts to get worse before being able to adress them,...

I think you should tell your gf to be more confident about you and speak things as they cross her mind. This can be hard and brutal, but is very helpful.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-16 16:54 ID:5M8XWf8F


yeah we did hrash things out somewhat.

i agreed to make the effort to change some of the more negative aspects of my behaviour such as not imposing my views on her too strongly.

she agreed she'd try to be more expressive and not bottle up her feelings.

but still, the strained air remains...i think she's still feeling unhappy and sad, since the problems were discussed and are now clear to see.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-17 11:58 ID:EwVXQMwH

Don't worry. It's not bad to have problems, it's bad not to address them,...

Spend some quality time with her: do pleasurable things with her (not just sex). The good times with hermust be more common than the bad times.

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