Single, not desperate, but hoping to find her (26)

1 Name: Ota Otoko : 2008-03-30 23:45 ID:Tf325CuI

I have just recently found this site, and feel like it is the right place to chat about this. Because of the fact that I want people to know what I am before they know who I am. So I do hope all of you will accept that. 「(゚ペ)

In real life, I am either like Keiichi Morisato (Ah! My Goddess) or Tsuyoshi Yamada (Densha Otoko), if not both, when it comes to luck in life, love, and other things. But the similarities all end there, since life is not always like a TV drama or even an anime. Especially since a goddess will not appear out of nowhere, like Belldandy did... Right? _| ̄|○

But with my case, I know that people will just tell me that there are millions of girls out there, and I have to meet them all. But, for me, it feels different. Because while there are millions of girls, out there for me to meet, there is only one that I was destined to be with. I don't care if I have to save her on a train, or even have to call a wrong number. I just want her to like the real me, so I can be honest about who I am to both her and myself.

If you want my specs, I will give them to you. I will also add that I know I have a flawed approach to girls, and will be willing to work on that. I also hope to have the confidence to be with the right girl, since I lost out because I lacked that before. _| ̄|○ And with any help, I hope to overcome all that and be with the one I have been looking for.

So with that said, I do not know what I should add. I just know that I do not want to lurk here, or continue worrying or wondering. Those will get me nowhere. And I do know that I want this to be more than a dream or a fantasy as well, which means no flings for me. That, and I thank you in advance. (。・_・。)

2 Name: Future Ota Otoko : 2008-03-31 01:51 ID:qBGdk3LY

You= Me four years ago

Now= No hope, no dreams, all that fighting made me empty...some are meant to be alone..

3 Name: Ota Otoko : 2008-03-31 02:37 ID:Tf325CuI

Future, I have hope because I do dream.

Mostly because life is a dream that you are living. And also, I have learned lately that you cannot find what you want if you constantly fight. Be it with yourself or others. I learned that I wasted most of my life because I was fighting a pointless battle. _| ̄|○

So even if I was you, four years ago, I also know that you need to do what I am starting to do... Stop fighting with my own emotions, my own doubts, and my own fears. That is why I came here in the first place. Because other places were more harmful than helpful.

Besides, if I can help you by saying this, then I hope that I can be one step closer to being the person I want to be... "Never give up, never surrender." Because all I know is that I trust others here, and see no point of giving up.

Because, in all honesty, if you respect the ones you like and love... you do not deserve to be alone. And myself, I am hoping that the girl I am meant to be with will realize that I would respect her and everything she is... even if it takes another 4 years. And I do hope your life changes for the better.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-31 02:50 ID:AWe1DdGf

ota otoko,

trying to find the "one special girl" is dangerous. you will inevitably become extremely attached to one girl, and you're royally screwed if that one girl doesn't like you. i have experience with this, trust me. your best bet is to keep yourself open to every type of girl (as long as you find her acceptably attractive).

another thing you can't allow yourself to do is to view any girl as a goddess or super-being. you must believe that no girl is better than you or ever will be. use this knowledge to boost your confidence. in time, you will find that YOU are the boss, not them.

also, don't worry about your looks too much. while males are mainly attracted by looks, women are most attracted by confidence and sadly, money. focus on making something out of yourself while not neglecting your physical appearance.

in short, just keep growing and work towards your ultimate goal/dream and don't let yourself get put down by girls. free your thoughts from them, and girls will come to you naturally.

good luck.

5 Name: Future? Ota Otoko : 2008-03-31 02:51 ID:qBGdk3LY

>>3Fades* and there is hope

Goodluck

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-31 05:40 ID:Zq8qQvOi

honestly dude i like it how you are thinking that you will find that one person, but speaking from advice, you are just going to settle with a girl, who is great, but she was one of many loves in your life. expecting to find that "one" by chance and on the first try is possible, but improbable. so you just need to get out there, take a few hits to the soul but understand in the end you will come out on top.

but then again, this is assuming you believe "the one" exist. honestly i believe in a soulmate, i just believe in a mate.

7 Name: 映画男 : 2008-03-31 06:48 ID:X5NOuBET

I've been in your situation before, I liked this girl for 2 years and i really thought she was the one i've been looking for and i fight alot of battles just to get near her, but the results end up not as i expected and to be honest i really think i wasted 2 years here waiting when i couldve gone and find others out there who are prob alot better then her. you have to watch out not to be so obsesed with just one girl cos it scares them away. focusing on one particular girl sometimes bring down your confidence and you dont want that to happen, but hey you never know, your "special girl" might work out for you! keep dreaming! we're all dreamers! =]

8 Name: Ota Otoko : 2008-04-01 00:33 ID:Tf325CuI

Thanks folks for the words of advice and other things. I will always feel that there is just one person for everybody. Which is why I will always be looking for "the one".

And yeah, I worry that I might sound like a stalker to her. That is one thing I always worry about. Especially since you can never be sure with guys these days. _| ̄|○

But I also figured that what I need to do is take it in steps, which will mean that the one I end up being with will begin as my friend... and will become my best friend when there are other changes in the relationship.

And also, 映画男, I have been in your shoes. What you summed up was my second relationship. It never became an offline bit, because things would have gone downhill the moment I was able to be there for her. But thanks... I will continue to dream, and hope that my ultimate dream will become real. So thanks for saying that to me.

Plus, also, 映画男, I hope you will realize that two years with the wrong person can be a good thing. Because that way, you have learned something that may help you lean towards the right person in the end. I learned that myself.

9 Name: My best advice.. : 2008-04-07 22:34 ID:zEfvsqLP

Sometimes you'll only love one person with a passion that cannot be matched.

That's rare and short lived.

Find a girl, make friends with her, take it from there.

Ideals and idealization lead to disappointment.

Like "Harry" said..

Sacred things are meant to be touched.

Place it not on a pedestal. You may yet find someone who may not meet your ideal, but is the best thing you need.

The things we think we want we don't need. The things we really need we rarely want.

10 Name: anonymous7 : 2008-04-16 06:35 ID:NIX0LhTd

The things with those...from personal experience......I dont think when you are looking for one, you would get one..... instead just let it be. Although it might take ages, take your time to reflect your life so far..

I am still young but been through a lot of relationships that completely screw me up over trusting.

I just read Densha Otoko and it just touched me.

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-16 07:50 ID:bl09T/+h

Well, keep up hope, but don't obsess about it. That's it, really.

12 Name: Cookie Monster : 2008-04-16 09:09 ID:BInLoLMy

while stories like the one of densha, I's, or video girl Ai have made me believe in "true love", i never wished for a personal version of those stories for myself.

i guess i can tell you my story of the girl who mattered the most to me thus far.

one of them was a girl with the same initials as mine so she had a locker right next to mine. i was infatuated with her best friend at the time i met her, so she and I became good friends little did i know that she liked me at that time.. now when I look back at it, it must have been tough for her at times, trying to encourage me to go after her friend... anyway, in our second year, i started to see her in a different way (well its not really hard to, since she looks and acts just like the sassy girl). she ended up rejecting me though when i finally asked her to be my girlfriend. we didn't speak for about half of a year? or so and one day she emailed me to talk about what happened and how she finally worked up the courage to say yes.. and well I'm getting sleepy so I'll wrap it up.. ok so she made me a better person, she made life much more enjoyable, and well we both took care of each other well and etc etc.

the point I'm trying to make here is that, she was the only girl that I felt I would actually want to be with forever. now I'm guessing that's the type of emotion that you're looking for with a girl. but um yea as you can see, I didn't meet her by saving her from a drunkard, she didn't come out of a video, she was not assigned to be my partner in planning out a school event (admittedly any of those would have made a lot cooler story -.-).

don't sit there wishing for those things to happen, look around you, these opportunities that you are waiting for are always around you, but you just cant identify them b/c 1) your concept of finding the one is too "mangaish" 2) opportunities are always covered in work. so next time you encounter a girl who attracts you, don't sit there and wait for a sign that indicates that she's the "one", go up to her and get to know her... after you put some time into it, you may just discover her to be the one.

ok well it's 4 AM and I'm stressed with work, so I don't know if this helped any.

well good luck and if you need more help, just keep on posting

hope i helped and eat more cookies... =]

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-16 09:24 ID:KT5dc9yB

>>12
This was actually very insightful.

In fiction, stuff happens to the hero and then he changes. In real life... you have to make it happen. It's an active situation, not a passive one...

14 Name: MidoriTake : 2008-04-16 14:07 ID:+OPTY19F

I Have both read Densha Otoko and watched Ahh!! My Godess and most likely it wont happen like that although it would be totaly awsome if it did!!! But from my experiences all I can say to help ya out is to not ever give up and keep looking forward and if you believe that that woman is out there waiting for you then you absolutely cant give up looking for her!!!! Soo just keep confident and dont give up the search for that "one" _|-|o

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-24 18:26 ID:8KcrBPnV

Oto Otoko, I think you are obsessed with finding a girlfriend. Do you have any other goals in life? Doing something that you enjoy and are good at? I say stay busy and live your life, because you'll probably meet someone when you least expect it.

16 Name: Tentacie : 2008-04-26 09:49 ID:Y0h5ujnI

( Continuing the odd trend of using a name in this thread. )

I really think it's beautiful that you are devoted to finding "The One". As others have said, it is dangerous business, but don't give up hope. I'm sure you'll find her eventually!

It's certainly not a good idea to look at every girl you meet as "the potential one," though. You should try to keep this idea in the back of your mind, and meet women as friends. When you find "The One," you'll know it without doubt, and you'll be glad you waited for her. I think. That's what I'm hoping for, for myself, atleast - although in men. Good luck with your search!

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-26 12:56 ID:x21p8Gka

A friend of mine mentioned the other day that instead of waiting to find the perfect car, it's better to try the ones which are on the market to see what sort you like.

I replied that funnily enough, the reason I hadn't yet bought a car was that I hadn't found the perfect one yet, and thus the advice was for me more literal than his comment was originally supposed to be.

18 Name: Tentacie : 2008-04-26 15:52 ID:Y0h5ujnI

>>17 Comparing love to a car will get you shot/mauled by the nearest woman.

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-26 21:03 ID:Heaven

I would rather stick my dick in a car's exhaust pipe than have to deal with a woman.

True story.

20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-27 12:59 ID:x21p8Gka

>>18
We were near women at the time, and he got away without even a contrary comment from one.

21 Name: Tentacie : 2008-04-27 17:58 ID:3IioPe4E

>>20 My, that certainly must mean that his logic is solid!

When buying a new car, you can settle for something less than perfect because you replace a car every few years. If you were told that you would have to spend the rest of your live driving the same car, you would certainly try to find the perfect car, and wouldn't settle.

OP is looking for "the one". He wants to spend the rest of his life with one woman. He's not going to settle for anything less than perfect.

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-28 05:06 ID:Heaven

Finding "THE ONE" and knowing it from the start does not happen. This is an extremely flawed approach. Especially since everybody has flaws.

Fact is, that people are flawed. Do you think that you're capable of being The One, someone's dream man?

23 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-28 13:26 ID:Heaven

I know for sure I'm not.

24 Name: Crusher : 2008-04-29 19:48 ID:FgK50VxG

Finding "The One" is a nice idea, and a romantic ideal. How realistic is it? I'm not sure, even though I still cling onto it.

But as some people have touched on in this thread, sometimes its not "love at first sight" it's "love over a period of time" and both can mean The One.

One of my friends wrote to me:
"Like you, I waited for That Person. I wanted him to be sexy as hell, Ivy League-educated, well off, hopefully Indian or Asian... well, then I realized that my expectations were 100% bullshit. I realized I wasn't settling - I was being realistic. and I realized that all my silly 12 year old plans of finding a guy and knowing him for years and being s0lmatez and going to Yale Grad School together was retarded and never going to happen (and furthermore, I didn't want it to). and so I had sex with one of my best friends and now we're kindofinlike, possiblyinloveifIweren'tafraidoftheword. and hey, he's cute, goes to UVA, well off, and is Asian... not too far off the mark."

So give all girls you might like a chance, eh? You may be surprised.

25 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-30 02:48 ID:ZEexVKEZ

I used to stress over finding "The One."

Then I got punched in the gut with the fist called "adult life." Now I honestly could not care less -- when I get back from a long day and collapse in front of the computer, the absolute last thing on my mind is going out to socialize. Even if I was so inclined, I have no time left in my day to devote to dating things.

Best cure for unrealistic expectations? Load yourself up with so much work that you lose all desire for close human contact.

26 Name: Dark Angel : 2008-05-12 23:40 ID:VNUReEbm

I know how u feel ota otoko coz I feel the same
I like to find the special one for me .
like in(Ah! My Goddess), 4 me until know I didnt find it _| ̄|○
I really wish that the real life become like anime, every one can find his special one and stay together always.

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