Self Improvement (46)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-05 10:42 ID:XpQTBlZI

So i just got rejected. She said shes not ready for relationship and want to focus on her career. though the fact that i was an obese,hairy,smelly,basement dwelling geek with lots of personal issues and no job & no qualification probably contribute a little to her decision.

good thing is i care about her enough to change. right now i work out regularly, have a job though it's not glamorous or pay much, keep a good hygene, slowly working out my personal issues and generally being a better person.

So

  1. when is a good time to ask her out again? it's not realistic to wait till i'm a hot millionaire because she probably find someone else by then but asking her before i'm good enough will probably just annoy her and make her avoid me.
  2. is it okay to tell her i'm changing for her or will that put her in a tough spot?
  3. should i give her some space until i'm ready or stick to her and act normally like before? currently we still talking but she does keep some distance.
  4. have i fucked up too bad when i confess to early and now have no chance whatever i do? maybe i should just crawl back to my comfy basement.

part of me is afraid because i'm putting an effort and if i fail it will hurt so much more. in fact my sad life was because of a bad relationship that made me lost faith in people and stop caring for myself.

for the record this girl never had a BF and is really just starting her career. and its been 2 months since my first confession.

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-05 10:58 ID:LcrvZZ8u

change.. but do keep your distance... if i were her. I'll tend to stay somewhat away from you. You know, from sending wrong signals. Perhaps it's her nice way of rejecting you, perhaps she's not interested in you.

Change, and perhaps meet another girl??

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-05 11:05 ID:xcpPvpaB

Keep working out etc for YOURSELF not for her. If you work at improving yourself for yourself then you will be much happier. It sounds very promising that you are so motivated to make the change and have already started improving yourself! Just try to use your own wellbeing as motivation as well as/rather than what some girl thinks of you.

In answer to your questions

1)I would probably say don't ask her out anytime soon because, as you say, it will probably do more harm than good.

2)I would not say that I was changing for her. Again, that's just like confessing to her again. I suggest that if she notices your change and comments on it then "play it cool", just say that it's something you've been meaning to do for yourself for a long time, you've taken control, you feel much happier now you've looking after yourself etc. You kinda want her to be thinking "hmmm he's looking a lot better nowadays" but not giving her a clear answer that it's for her benefit - that way she will be more intruiged as to why you've taken on this challenge.

3)It's really hard to act normally, like before, after doing something like confessing/asking out. She's going to be worried that if she lets you close to her you are going to try again and just embarass both of you. I've been going through something like this for quite a while now and it's still a bit awkward even though we are just friends. Give her some space, but when you do talk to her try to make the most of it - what I mean is don't speak to her about feeling down or anything like that, speak to her about fun stuff, crack jokes etc. I'd advise keeping any flirting very minimal at the moment, you want to try to get her to open up to you again before you try something like that.

4)Not knowing more of the situation (and her side of the story) we can't really tell you if you've fucked up completely or not. Confessing to someone early on is usually bad, because they probably don't feel quite so strongly as you do and they get scared off by your directness. However, I'd like to think that if you got on with your own life then maybe her opinion of you will change. Soooo I'm afraid thats a maybe.

Don't give up hope, even if it doesn't work out with this girl. That's why I'm saying do these changes for yourself, and you will become a more attractive person without looking like a try-hard.

Also, it is possible that she genuinely wants to focus on her career. What career is it? If it's something that she has to spend a lot of time working outside the usual hours then it's understandable that she doesn't want to date because she needs the evening to catch up/prepare extra work commitments.

Finally, you say it's been 2 months since your first confession... How many confessions have you had..?

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-05 11:18 ID:XpQTBlZI

>>2

well I'm not interested in another girl. I was alone but not lonely. I try to get back to dating because I think she's special and not because I'm desperate, so is it really bad idea to ask her on a later date?

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-05 11:39 ID:XpQTBlZI

>>3

well i did try to improve for myself a couple times in the past but it never got anywhere only this time i'm getting result because the i have a clear goal and something worth fighting for. well i guess thinking myself isn't a good enough reason to improve already show i have confidence issue.

how much distance should i keep? Currently we just chat on msn, txt message and meet up on special occasion (birthday etc) because we have same circle of friends. but she generally just replied and never start a conversation though sometimes i can still get her into a good debate.

i think shes doing something like graphic design but i'm not really sure. she usually say "it's a little bit of everything"

and oh i only confessed once. i said first because i'm planning second. just a matter of time. unless something change my mind.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-05 15:16 ID:xcpPvpaB

Well OK fine, do it for her. But if she rejects you again just say fuck it and move on and do it for another girl (or the idea of another girl) because otherwise you're just going to slip back into bad habits if that happens.

That she doesn't start conversations isn't that great of a sign, but equally some people (like me) don't start online/text conversations even with people I like a lot.

I recommend you don't "confess", even if you make vast improvements in yourself. When people get dates, they don't go up to somebody and say "I really like you", they say "Hey, I'm going for a coffee would you like to come?" etc. The idea is that you're putting the two of you in a situation where its just the two of you, but in a public place and not a "classic date" thing (e.g. dinner at a restaurant). You have to get her interested in you enough to be able to get into one of those situations, and confessing is just going to scare her off if she doesn't like you as much/at all.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-05 17:11 ID:QYYlSAJC

I'm a girl, so here is a female opinion!
First of all, I think you should work really hard for awhile to show her that you really are changing and you really do have the willpower to keep at it.
Since it has already been a few months since you confessed, it won't be so daunting to her if you approach again in a month or two, but like >>6 said, you shouldn't really confess, especially since she's rejected you before.
Ask her out for coffee or something simple like that, and try to be nonchalant about it.
If she says yes, then great!
If she says no, I would do one of two things--
1) Pull up a TON of confidence, and try and convince her to give you a chance. Say something to the effect of: "Just give me one shot. If you don't want to go out with me again, I'll give up and leave you alone about it, but please come with me once just to try it out!" See what she says. Putting it that way makes you sound confident without being cocky.
or 2) If you really feel like you'll have no chance with her, ask her what she doesn't like about you. Even though it'll be hard to hear that, it will give you a list of things you can work on so you can come across as more desirable to girls in the future!
If she rejects you a second time, then I wouldn't really ask again. Some girls might like that, but i think most would feel annoyed/creeped out after too many attempts.

Keep us updated, and good luck!!

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-05 22:50 ID:BiAt3rlo

thanks for the advice. so to sum it up

  1. Take time and work hard on myself first
  2. No more confession and casually ask her out
  3. Give her some space

1 more Q

Since shes not telling me whats going on in her life now should i get help from her friend? so far most people in our group don't even know i asked her out or even that i have any interest in her. Just so i don't ask her out again when shes having problem and just end up giving her extra mental burden. I'm not too sure about this idea because its sort of an invasion of privacy and it might cause problem within the group. but hey i'm new in this.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-06 00:49 ID:LcrvZZ8u

>>7

lol, just bc we didn't mention that we're females... doesn't mean we aren't!
Anyways, personally, I don't think that asking her to give you a chance if she says no to coffee is that great of an idea... cuz that means you're still not over her-- and that may annoy her. Cuz, she might just say no to coffee due to other reasons.

>>8
I would give her a lot of space, and while at it, do something else in your life that you may enjoy.

And the meaning of the giving her space.. is don't invade her privacy!
Just focus on turning your relationship you have with her back to a friendship first.

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-07 02:04 ID:7ipyEjlo

>>1

I am in very similar situation, but I am also trying to change myself... Not very good for my health but I feel that if I stop I can't continue... I feel so down to the point of thinking of myself as so ugly and fat that neither the plainest girl would ever date me. For the record, I did date a girl last summer. She really liked me but I didn't and broke up... That takes my credibility away but I just couldn't help it.

Anyway, even when you strip off the fat, change your looks and whatever, you'll still be that same person. If she doesn't accept you at that point, then it wasn't your obesity or looks that caused it, but you might not be her type. It can be a zillion of other reasons too: she doesn't trust in relationships, workaholic, lack of confidence etc. Frankly, it doesn't sound as a good idea to me that you idolize her so much at this point. You risk putting her on a pedestal. At least that's what happens to me...

Give her time... And don't stop initiating conversations with her on MSN even if she doesn't say hi first. I know that once I did that to a girl I liked and after two or three logins without initiating conversation with her (on MSN) she wrote me and yelled at me "what kind of a friend and a guy I am not saying even hi to her anymore" :) It's funny but some girls want to keep you close even if they are not ready for more at the moment. With these things you have to forget every female stereotype you ever heard of or read about somewhere...

And more than anything, good luck!

P.S. Never stop your self-improvement, even if she turns you down. Remember there's more girls in the world than guys :)

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-07 04:19 ID:OMLnOTWt

well i think body image is the least of my problem, i don't consider myself ugly i've just been slacking for too long. what i need is to "man up" because i feel like a boy in the mid 20s. yesterday there was a group meeting and i felt there was an awkward silence between me and her so i dared a friend to do something stupid. i think i came out looking like a jerk and lost more point with her. i don't even usually do those juvenile stuff

so ladies, what do you expect from a proper man? respectable job, car, what else?

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-09 03:03 ID:/kvtuIFj

Well after much observation - and quite a good dose of reading, plus some personnal experimentations, I think I can tell you what girls crave the most: confidence.

And that's about it. Not caring too much about them, also. I don't mean you have to be a jerk, not at all, but I mean don't ever act as if you needed any form of validation from them. They have to be the ones seeking validation from you because you are so awesome.

And that's why it's important do keep doing your self-improvement, and to do it for yourself. Because that way, when you see it starts to work, you'll feel better about yourself. And that means a slight boost to your self-confidence. And you're going to use that boost to keep improving; it's a virtuous circle.

Also, drop the negative speech. Everytime you think something bad about yourself; or consider something you've failed, or whatever, you must stop for a second and reformulate that thought in your head, or better yet say it out loud (provided you're alone, of course). You should reformulate it on a positive side, or if it's impossible, blame it on fatality - don't ever blame yourself. Also, seek what you did wrong, and tell yourself to watch out for that next time.

When you get confident enough in yourself (well, don't go overboard and become narcissistic; I know when you've disliked yourself for a long time and start to like yourself it's easy to do that) you'll see that people around you, probably without even really noticing it, will start to like you more. And more important: girls will start to look at you as a potential "mating partner", to put it bluntly. When you think about it for a second, it's basic logic: girls want someone who can look after them; if that person is having issues and whatever, it's going to bring them problems, and they don't want that. On the other hand, if that person is shining and burning with energy and confidence, they will feel uplifted and reassured by his presence. Aaaaand... they will search for more of that presence.

I know I'm simplifying things a bit there, but seriously - job, car, money, reputation; it all goes down the drain against a shining personality. Confidence, positivity, energy, leadership (that last one will probably come more and more as you reinforce the three first, because you will take a "higher importance" in your social circle).

That's about it. The rest is a bonus.

Remember: you're doing it for yourself, because you are awesome (or at least going to be more and more awesome each day).

13 Name: Some good advice : 2008-04-09 03:06 ID:HCnXPwWD

Plenty of fish in the sea.....

Do what YOU want...and don't confess "love" to someone...

You either get involved or you don't.

Like...you ever make a new friend that's the same gender? What did you do? You talked to them and introduced yourself and made buddies.

The only difference is that you are doing this with girls.

Girls have nothing to say...but they say nothing so charmingly we pay them attention.

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-19 04:03 ID:7ipyEjlo

Hey, how's weight loss going for you? I am OP from "I was just turned down" thread. Is there any news on the love front?

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-19 04:08 ID:aNJVFB9T

So apparently women are awful at giving advice.

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-19 06:24 ID:Heaven

weight thing is slowing down but still going, as i said body image is the least of my problem. currently on 6" & 220 lbs so thats not too bad. i'm focusing more on my job and confidence issue.

as for the love thing i told her i'm backing off because i don't want to lose a good friend. because shes being overly formal lately lately and i prefer to have my good friend back.

also my sister is stressed out coz she feel she's getting stalked by some guy she rejected and i don't want to give her(my friend) that kind of mental burden.

all goin well i guess

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-19 06:54 ID:Heaven

i meant 6 feet. i usually work with cm so wrong symbol there

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-21 14:04 ID:h/pSkjcH

so.

i sent her an email saying basicly i accepted her decision and not gonna pursue it any further and ask if i can call her just to chat and catch up since we've been keeping distance and haven't talk much lately. i also told her that since this is over i wanted her to know that i really did like her and not asking her out from desperation.

been a couple of days and she's not replying. and i actually feel a lot worse now then when she rejected me because i still do care for her but since it's kinda hopeless i wanted to at least save the friendship.

so yea, did i do anything wrong here?

19 Name: 5664 : 2008-04-21 20:54 ID:qnhoqjTr

How much would you say you changed physically? Like from what you were being a 1 and, say...clean cut attractive man is a 10?

20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-22 00:38 ID:h/pSkjcH

a 4? can't really change that much in that short amount of time. does it even matter since i'm just asking to go back being friends

21 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-22 13:51 ID:Heaven

oh wow... she said shes not being distant and its all just in my head... i guess i really do have serious psychological issue..

anyway i guess i should stop posting here for now. and spend more time in the real world.

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-22 14:56 ID:UAacGrbQ

>>21

I don't think you have an issue. We're humans after all, and it hurts when we're rejected. And frankly I didn't expect her to confirm that she was distant. Girls (and people in general) are usually like that. We become defensive and deny that we are avoiding somebody...

>"...and not asking her out from desperation."

This could actually sent a different message -- that you did ask her out out of desperation... When you have to say something like this even if its true (as it is), it never sounds good. So, if you left that out and just told her: well I liked you but I don't want that to ruin our friendship... It's all minor things and people shouldn't over-think but they do.. So you have to live with that.

It's probably good to just let it cool off. I'm sorry but it sounds that she wants to take you off her back. And there's a way to check. Maybe give her some time and space, and if she doesn't call you anymore, then you knew it from the beginning...

If it doesn't work out, then it's time for you to move on. You've actually got very good things out of this.. changed your appearance for the better, looking for better job...

Keep your head up!

23 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-23 05:28 ID:tK7CQrtW

>>22

>This could actually sent a different message -- that you did ask her out out of desperation...

I don't know, I think it really depends on the context and on the tone he used...

>>21
Well, you might have to move on now... I don't know. Just give her space, do other things. If she cares about you - as a friend - she won't let you totally disappear. Or she might, if she thinks it would be easier for the both of you.

In any case, never forget the mindset you had when you decided to improve yourself. Never forget the positive feelings you had when you felt it started to work. Keep this drive alive. Become better than you've ever been, each and every day!

Good luck to you!

24 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-23 20:11 ID:xcpPvpaB

>oh wow... she said shes not being distant and its all just in my head... i guess i really do have serious psychological issue..

I really don't think it was all in your head. She probably was/is keeping her distance and knows that hurts you, but doesn't want to hurt you even more by telling you that she is specifically avoiding you.

25 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-24 02:59 ID:Heaven

rape her

26 Name: OP : 2008-05-15 12:48 ID:QhdF4K+m

So here is the current situation. I'm quite content with where i am now. i get to wear a suit and tie to work, in a much better shape, more social etc. Haven't seen her for a while and we don't chat much but when we do it's a lot nicer then before. we started joke and open up to each other again. we're both quite busy i can tell shes really dedicated, working overtime and such so she didn't lie about wanting to focus on her career (shes from a rich family and doesn't even need the money).

now, I still like her. probably even more then before. but right now i don't know what to do. i'm afraid to break the friendship that only started mending but at the same time i don't want to regret giving up too easily

we known each other since we were 4 or so and i guess i've always been playing the weak little brother role. if she was the smartest in the class i would be the 3rd, she help me through my problems(even my first breakup) but never told me hers etc. is it possible for her to see me as a man after all the time i've been wimping out?

27 Name: Thunder!RQhIqRxs5I!!QiI33I8Q : 2008-05-15 13:58 ID:NK/ozRIW

OP, I think it's wonderful that you made all these changes, especially in just a month's time! So, first of all, you deserve a hearty CONGRATULATIONS just for that.

I would be wary about asking her out again so soon. Get to be friends again first - I know that everyone's afraid of friendzone, but since you already asked her once, she already has that possibly-romantic-potential idea of you in mind.

If I were you, I would continue to focus on improving myself, and maybe let the relationship develop naturally. She might notice these improvements and start to see you in a new light.

As for the "little brother" role - if you keep on improving and start to MAN UP along with all these great improvements, I'm sure she'll take notice.

Good luck and keep us updated!

28 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-15 15:03 ID:sDcTakuG

>>26

Wow man, I am glad for you. Two thumbs up! As for this girl, let it progress naturally. Maybe it was neither your appearance, job or whatever that caused all that. Maybe she is/was just stressed out with work. She really sounds like workaholic, her family being rich and all.

I was going to post to this thread to see what's going on with you. You were so down in the last post you made.

Take care and keep it up!!

29 Name: OP : 2008-05-16 01:35 ID:TmHmHBFh

hemm workaholic sounds negative, i like the fact that she's willing work and work hard even when she doesn't need to. i know too many girls poor and rich who never work in their whole life and just go from leeching parents to leeching boyfriend / husband.

anyway lately i've been entertaining the idea of dating. i'm a very straight and simple person and i always look for a long term relationship when i like a girl, but now i'm thinking maybe i should just find a couple of girls and just go out and have some fun. it'll probably a good learning experience so i know how to treat a lady better. or is it wrong to date when i have my mind on this one girl?

30 Name: 28 : 2008-05-16 02:27 ID:7ipyEjlo

>>29

I may have exaggerated calling her workaholic but it's you who knows her personally not me :-) well, i think there's nothing wrong for you to go out with other girls because she rejected your attempts already... now the whole nice guy thing, yeah i know what you mean... it would be unfair to that other person. but give somebody else a chance for a change and try not to think about Hermes (lol) while you're with other girls. That way it's not unfair... It will definitely be a learning experience, but don't think of it like that because that's where your feeling of guilt comes in. Think about it as just having some fun...

31 Name: OP : 2008-05-17 14:37 ID:rcYmL4L6

sigh.. her best friend just told me she never had any interest in me and apparently my recent gifts made her uncomfortable.... thats it i guess, nice guy finish last. she's still a wonderful person, i still love her very much. but now that our group broken up i probably won't see her for a long long time. It's time for me to learn how thing works in the real world.

32 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-17 15:36 ID:se8bRqMr

Oh man, that's so bad... I'm really sorry for you.

But you know, there are a lot of fishes at sea. You only need to move on, you have all that experience and you may use it to get an even better girl.

Cheer Up, you are just great.

33 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-17 21:39 ID:k3PHy+Kn

>>31 Yes Nice Guys finish last. Next time, don't call her, call her a whore in a fight and act like a complete asshole = succes!

34 Name: 28 : 2008-05-21 03:32 ID:7ipyEjlo

>>33

I guess that sometimes works... Something wrong with girls' immune system :-)

>>OP

Get your head up. She's not the only one. If she can't see you that way - big deal... I think you gave yourself best advice - it's time for you to start seeing other girls...

Keep it up!

35 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-24 23:29 ID:fokBYl3g

>>18

You didn't stop pursuing something worthless. Go look for the next girl, scratch that one from your life.

36 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-25 09:50 ID:zlxWwS3v

Yeah, kind of a sad end but take the time to look at how much you've improved personally from it and press on!

37 Name: OP : 2008-06-04 17:23 ID:TiyGn4/2

a couple of weeks ago i told her we should be honest with ourself and admit we need to take some time off to heal.

This week a mutual friend setting up a surprised birthday party for my sister. it's an important birthday so she's gonna be there coz she knows my sister. since it's a surprised birthday party they ask me to take my sister to the place which mean i have to be there.

what should i do? i don't want to be a jerk and ruin my sister's bday but i'm just starting to move on and i'm not ready to see her just yet. should i just swallow my pride and sit through it?

38 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-04 22:19 ID:7ipyEjlo

>>37

Tough call, man. I know how you feel, but I would show up there and greet her/ask her how she's doing (common courtesy) but no more than that. You gotta show yourself that you're strong enough to deal with your issues. Being in the same room with her and actually focusing attention to something else (your sis' bday) is going to be an important part of your healing phase. Yeah, it's too early, but man life is tough. I believe your sis will not feel the same if you're not there especially if you are close.

I can only imagine how much you were in love with this girl. But it's time to move on NOT move away!

Let us know how it went...

Good luck and try to talk to other girls at that party. After all that's what parties are for.

39 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-05 03:16 ID:tK7CQrtW

Hey OP, what happens to you is sad, but I think you should take it on your shoulders and still do it. >>38 gave good advice.

If really you're flipping out, you might want to talk to your sister about that girl, if she isn't aware of your situation, and tell her how you would feel uncomfortable would you have to spend time around her. That way, without giving out the surprise, you know you can count on her to look out for you. Hey, that's also what siblings are for...

40 Name: OP : 2008-06-05 05:14 ID:TiyGn4/2

hemm, i was leaning towards not going before because it sounds stupid saying we should take some time off then meet up 2 weeks later. but i'll take some time to think about it again. oh yea when i mean party it's more like 6 or so people sitting on the same table having lunch, cutting birthday cake and such. it's not like i can say hi then ignore her because she will be right across the table.

41 Name: 37 : 2008-06-06 02:35 ID:7ipyEjlo

>>40

You don't have to ignore her. You just don't bring things up, that's all. Anyway, I think she really expects you to attend your sis' bday. C'mon, you're closer to your sis than she is, right? So, it's not like you show up there to give her hard time...

In the end, do what you think is right, but I know I would show up no matter what.

And if you decide to show up, you will inevitably have to talk something.. So make it sound like you're talking to all of them.. When I think of it more thoroughly, your problem (not really a problem) is that you can't take your eyes off her. If that's the case, you should talk openly to your sister. She knows you better than us, your nature, level of sensitivity, tolerance and so on...

Anywayz, I hope it works out for you.. But I wouldn't miss my sister's bday for anything! Unfortunately, I don't have a sister :(

42 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-11 14:57 ID:UAacGrbQ

Hey how did the party go?

43 Name: OP : 2008-06-11 16:16 ID:Q5e9O4BF

i didn't go. some minor accident happen to my mom, shes alright now but i decided to keep her company that weekend.

44 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-11 17:44 ID:UAacGrbQ

>>OP

sorry to hear bout your mom... well it's probably better that you didn't go

45 Name: OP : 2008-07-18 02:51 ID:q+ToTSBm

so, season 2

things have gotten better with that girl. i haven't seen her for a while but she started initiating conversation on msn though we both try to keep it short it has good vibe. i'm mostly over her now and i'm glad i didn't lose a good friend

anyway i met someone last week, another childhood friend. things seems good, we met at a party and we connected pretty well. alot casual touching like tapping on hand and handshake. couple of days later i see her for work related stuff and she asked me out for lunch though she did bring a friend.

anyway i was thiking about asking her for a lunch date next week. no appointment just show up on lunchtime and take her out. see how well we connect then probably set time for classic dinner and movie date. the 2 red flag i have right now is that she lives in another city (1 hour away) and shes 3 years older then me. both are quite minor to me

so any advice for me so i don't screw it up? currently i'm still on interested level and not madly in love or anything but i still want it to work

46 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-19 05:44 ID:Q+o76um/

>>1

(1) You don't. You blew it; you're done. Find a new girl. Just like products fail when they're rushed out the door before they're done, YOU failed because you incorrectly assessed your social capital.

(2) Fucking no, that's called groveling. It's really unattractive. She doesn't want you now, she won't want you in the future. If she saw any value in your potential (which is to say she actually BELIEVES in your ability to change for the better), she wouldn't have turned you down. Women are pretty savvy in this department. Related: gold digger.

(3) Dude, unless this is your best friend of 20 years, no. Fucking no. You are DONE with this girl. Again, find a new one.

(4) Words of a quitter and exactly the reason you failed now and will continue to fail in the future. Don't crawl back in to your basement -- DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOURSELF. Lose weight. Go to school if you haven't. Get a good job. And for CHRIST'S SAKE, find some self-confidence! Make yourself ATTRACTIVE. Just as much as a relationship is about personal satisfaction, it's also in many ways a business transaction. What do you bring to the table? Right now, nothing. Best work on that. Fat rich guys bring money. Hot, stupid bimbos bring their looks. And so on for others in between those two extremes. Right now, you offer nothing from the sound of it.

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