Self Improvement (46)

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-05 11:05 ID:xcpPvpaB

Keep working out etc for YOURSELF not for her. If you work at improving yourself for yourself then you will be much happier. It sounds very promising that you are so motivated to make the change and have already started improving yourself! Just try to use your own wellbeing as motivation as well as/rather than what some girl thinks of you.

In answer to your questions

1)I would probably say don't ask her out anytime soon because, as you say, it will probably do more harm than good.

2)I would not say that I was changing for her. Again, that's just like confessing to her again. I suggest that if she notices your change and comments on it then "play it cool", just say that it's something you've been meaning to do for yourself for a long time, you've taken control, you feel much happier now you've looking after yourself etc. You kinda want her to be thinking "hmmm he's looking a lot better nowadays" but not giving her a clear answer that it's for her benefit - that way she will be more intruiged as to why you've taken on this challenge.

3)It's really hard to act normally, like before, after doing something like confessing/asking out. She's going to be worried that if she lets you close to her you are going to try again and just embarass both of you. I've been going through something like this for quite a while now and it's still a bit awkward even though we are just friends. Give her some space, but when you do talk to her try to make the most of it - what I mean is don't speak to her about feeling down or anything like that, speak to her about fun stuff, crack jokes etc. I'd advise keeping any flirting very minimal at the moment, you want to try to get her to open up to you again before you try something like that.

4)Not knowing more of the situation (and her side of the story) we can't really tell you if you've fucked up completely or not. Confessing to someone early on is usually bad, because they probably don't feel quite so strongly as you do and they get scared off by your directness. However, I'd like to think that if you got on with your own life then maybe her opinion of you will change. Soooo I'm afraid thats a maybe.

Don't give up hope, even if it doesn't work out with this girl. That's why I'm saying do these changes for yourself, and you will become a more attractive person without looking like a try-hard.

Also, it is possible that she genuinely wants to focus on her career. What career is it? If it's something that she has to spend a lot of time working outside the usual hours then it's understandable that she doesn't want to date because she needs the evening to catch up/prepare extra work commitments.

Finally, you say it's been 2 months since your first confession... How many confessions have you had..?

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