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1 Name: Fail-chan : 2008-04-08 00:18 ID:Xe/pP6Ef

I need help.

I don't know how socialize.

I'm very conscious about my appearance, I take good care of my skin and my hair, and I never let my weight go over 50 kilos. People say I'm pretty all the time. I do everything a girl is supposed to do in order to be attractive. But whenever I look at a mirror, all I can see is a dark and lonely person.

I don't have many friends. I wish I could be like the 'popular' girls. It seems so much easier to them to make friends. Those girls are never lonely. Everyone loves them.

I wish at least one person could love me too...

I'm so afraid of letting people know the 'real' me... I'm scared they'll end up using my weaknesses against me. I've been bullied a lot before. I'm scared of being hurt again.

For that reason it takes a long time for me to make friends. It's almost impossible for me, for instance, to go to a party and be comfortable around someone I don't know.

I can pretend I'm ok, but lately i've been having the feeling that even when I'm surrounded by people I'm all alone.

I feel socially retarded.

Anyway, never mind me _| ̄|○

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-08 00:38 ID:xnUgzOT2

You and me both, hun.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-08 00:47 ID:46vI4hE9

Welcome to teenagehood, kids.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-08 01:40 ID:eYM6M4mM

hey.. how old are you??

5 Name: Fail-chan : 2008-04-08 01:51 ID:Xe/pP6Ef

I'm 19

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-08 02:37 ID:P6i6OM2v

Everyone does not love the popular girls. I personally can't stand those fucking bitches.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-08 04:08 ID:QvKLZkij

The popular girls are much lonelier than you. Or, they will be, once they realize that nobody was really their friend for any important reason.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-08 04:21 ID:ZlLqwBtX

The reason why you feel lonely may be that you didn't actually find a guy you are attracted to. That does not mean nobody is looking at you. Try to look suddenly behind you at the parties and you'll see guys checking you out.

There's no real definition of socializing. What is it? Talking with somebody about things that are not of particular interest to either of you? I don't think so... You should actually pick a guy that you think you might like beyond his appearance and approach him subtly. He will understand that you are interested in him and at least a conversation will happen between you two. From there on, let him lead...

Right now, you didn't really say that there's somebody you like. You just whine that nobody loves you. First step: mature a lil bit :)

Popular girls... Not all guys like them... The question is do you like guys who don't like popular girls?

Look around instead of losing time evaluating your "level of solitude"...

Good luck!

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-08 05:16 ID:1g5nIWED

>>1
Personally I don't like those popular girls you speak of. I usually sit looking at the girls who are like you, thinking how cute they are and how much I'd like to get to know them, but I'm not the social type.
Perhaps I'm a bit afraid also, I've been bullied too. I assure you there are guys who already like you, and would love to get to know you. But you're so closed up, they are afraid to approach you. And they are the same and you're afraid of them. Works so well for everyone, this fear of hurt and rejection.

I for my part have now decided to toughen up and take a few punches to get my ass out of my loneliness, I'm old enough to be a father and that is what I want to be. I've noticed that the more I give myself away, the more people approach me. And I have yet to be treated badly for being outgoing. People may think of me what they will, as long as I find that someone to share my life with, it will be worth it.

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-08 05:46 ID:AhnPo5Im

50 kilos isn't much... at all... if you're not very short, you're probably underweight.

Most importantly, it's like several others have already said. Everybody doesn't love the 'popular' girls. There is a large and noticable group which generaly does 'love' the 'popular' girls, this generally consists of superficial, idiotic types.
Most other people think very little of these kinds of people.

The kinds of people who will love someone for who they really are, and despite their flaws like not being socially adept, are not often found in the 'popular' crowds. The popular types are the ones most likely to bully people and use their weaknesses against them. Do you really wish you could be like them?

I think your problem is just that you lack self confidence and close friends, and you've made the mistake of trying too hard to conform to what you think would be found acceptable by 'popular' types, in the hopes that they'll like you and not bully you. The first step to fixing this is spending some time learning to love yourself more. Liking yourself is an important part of being attractive, too. Focus on your good qualities, accept that you're just as good as anyone else despite whatever flaws you have. Try to embrace who you are as a person as much as you can. Attractiveness and avoidance of being isolated is much more about frame of mind than it is actual social skills.

Once you've done that, it's easier to make real, close friends who'll love you for yourself. Try to be open and willing to talk to anyone. When people talk to you, try to ask questions as much as you can; it generally causes them to talk to you more, and leads to finding friends often where you never expected to.

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-13 05:26 ID:UdKKkIBt

>10 said it best.

You said you're afraid of letting people know the real you. That you're afraid people would use your flaws against you. The thing is, people who would do that, do that to anyone and everyone. You can't live your life in fear of those people. You have to live life on your own terms, as the real you. And in order to do that, you have to accept yourself, and accept that other people will accept you. Because they really will. But if nobody can see who the real you is, how can they ever come to like you for who you are?

There's someone far more beautiful than those 'popular' girls inside, you just have to let her out and love her.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-13 06:37 ID:G7vkBTK2

I feel like I'm at the same level as >1 so reading everyone's responses has shed light on what I need to work on as well...Thanks everyone...

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-13 08:13 ID:jrfFdgxZ

Yikes, I didn't think it was real because it was too idealic. We're all dark lonely people, we all lead depressing lives and we're afraid of everyone. Aren't we?

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-13 09:19 ID:Heaven

>>13
No. Not if we try not to.

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-13 12:51 ID:6v7gzirM

>>13
No.

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-13 13:40 ID:Heaven

>>13
The goal of life is to try and ignore the fact that it sucks. If you can achieve that by laughing and generally having a good time, it works to your advantage. People who are cursed with seeing things as they really are are usually the ones who end up lonely in the end.

17 Name: Success-kun : 2008-04-13 14:53 ID:RS+DSrVY

>>16 The fact is that it doesn't.

It's a matter of perspective. If you think it sucks, then it sucks, if you think its great, then it is. Subjectivity.

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-14 19:49 ID:6iPxDO3v

>>1

let's meet up.

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-14 22:46 ID:apbb6+hp

>>16

Sartre would agree with you. So do I. It is called the absurd victory.

>>18

You gonna get v& ! Besides, I saw her first!

20 Name: Mangekyou Sharingan : 2008-04-17 19:54 ID:FF/Ascxr

hm...my philosphy is.."there is no ugly person in this world,but yet no person in the world is perfect".think hard bout it.

21 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-17 21:25 ID:Heaven

>>20
oh wow that is very deep

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-18 07:47 ID:UfVWY+rS

sorry, there are lots of ugly people in the world. It's fact.

23 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-18 09:30 ID:Heaven

>>13

Not really. I lead a dark life, which could be considered depressing and lonely, but I am far from feeling either.

24 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-18 22:53 ID:HAEvNv3/

yo Fail-Chan...don't put urself down. U r who u r. I think da reason y u feel dat y is b'cuz u categorize urself away from other cliques. Therefore, u b'come envious and depressed. However, if u still want ppl 2 b open 2 u...THEN OPEN UP TO THEM!!! i kno it hurts 2 say "I'm so afraid of letting people know the 'real' me... I'm scared they'll end up using my weaknesses against me. I've been bullied a lot before. I'm scared of being hurt again." I've went through it b4 too...b'cuz I LET THEM hurt me. However, dat was in middle school. Even though I got bullied again in high school, I at least put my foot down and told them 2 fuck off. Apparently, some ppl admired dat...and now I have good friends.

Da main point, Fail-chan, is build up self-confidence and courage 4 urself. Only dat (and stop callin' urself Fail-Chan...we need 2 give this grl a new name) will enable u 2 have ur head up in society.

25 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-22 04:11 ID:vqPgaUe+

Are you the girl in my chem lab?!

26 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-22 05:19 ID:Heaven

>>24
Can't you write correctly? Goddamit, you're a pain to read.

27 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-22 05:51 ID:plC2nq1f

Fail-chan, I think you just need to build a bit of confidence.

Are you in high school? College? Either place is a good place to start. Perhaps a more casual relationship or dating experience to start with might be better.

Don't go looking for love. It doesn't happen like that. Not often, at least. Instead, find an available-looking guy that's a bit substandard for your tastes who might share something in common with you. Maybe someone you've talked to once or twice.

You'll feel less intimidated this way. Suggest to go have coffee, or study together. Out of the blue, just like that. Don't pile on pressure. Don't go ZOMG IM SO LONELY. It doesn't matter if you stumble midway through talking, either, or anything embarrassing like that. You're just trying to get some attention from this guy. If he's interested at all, he'll pick up and take over from there. After all, a lot of us guys are really shy too, and wish that we had opportunities like that. Some of us are really afraid to meet women.

Don't get discouraged if you get turned down or brushed off. Just keep up hope. Try again after a little while. This is a great way to make friends, as they can introduce you to other people, and if you end up really liking the guy, and he's giving off the same kinds of signals, you might have something there.

Of course, this is just my advice. I've never dated a girl, never had a girlfriend, never been kissed. So take it with a grain of salt.

28 Name: 5664 : 2008-04-22 20:57 ID:zhhIElRj

hey, i just noticed something-
people like us give really great advice...I have been up and down this whole bbs, and there are some really great thinkers in here.
props to all of you. with that aside...

>>27
He is absolutely right. The one thing I will add to this is if you find someone who is substandard that you think will not take you on a fling and will give a good relationship, don't be discouraged if he is really shy. Just keep on trying with him and trust your instincts.

The only catch is that if they are an odd sort of shy like they might be living in their head a bit, don't try to start anything with him.

I offer this advice with tried and true knowledge that I am confident in.

Also, 27, things might be looking up for you soon. So just be patient.

29 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-22 21:40 ID:q4YfgTPK

>>25
LOL

30 Name: Cookie Monster : 2008-04-23 06:54 ID:gNpF388T

well um popular chicks hmmm i don't know all girls seem to have a social circle that they join by just chattering away.... it seemed a lot simpler on the girls side, i mean guys' side isnt that much different as well

i say join some organizations or clubs or anything that involves a membership of some sort

and as for the love thing, try to work on your appearance. i dont know what you look like, i dont care, and im not suggesting plastic surgery if you think of yourself as a fugo.

but what i am saying is dress well, take care of your hair, makee up well i never liked make up on girls so eh, play sports so you feel better about yourself and etc... yea confident girls are generally appear to be popular and cute

and if it helps i love you. not in a i will stalk you from now, but in a Barney song way since your a 4chan person as well
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n4MNCkErQVw&feature=related

"i love you, you love me, we're a happy family~~~"

and that alone feeling..well I had that feeling once in high school after a break up but um welllllllllllllll yea you can always talk to people, you can email me at downloadnova5@gmail.com

jokes and unlikely-to-be-accepted advices aside... first step to fixing that problem is to drag yourself out to places, even if you dont know what you could possibly do with the people there... im not saying goto random places, just places you know are popular among your age...

31 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-23 13:36 ID:1UYRHYz4

>>27 here.

>>30 ....wow. You're kinda creepy, aren't you? Why don't we restrict ourselves to giving advice, rather than soliciting yourself to depressed girls.

Seriously though. Popular girls? Lose appeal. And for a segment of the population, they're just not appealing. Generic, cookie-cutter girls with shitty fucking attitudes and giant, stretched vaginas, for the most part.

Being yourself is the best policy. There's plenty of guys out there who like girls who aren't popular. Hell, for the most part, it can be a relief. Less assholes looking at your girl, and less investment in a poisonous social circle.

Seriously though....why do you feel so dark and lonely? And why are you afraid to show the 'real' you? What is the real you like, exactly?

32 Name: Cookie Monster : 2008-04-24 01:21 ID:gNpF388T

>>31

ok i know im new to this online community thing, but since when is giving out an email address an act of "soliciting yourself"

i have never asked for an email address from a girl or have i given out my email address to contact a girl later, i mean wow, are you kidding me. im still in a university, so i know that im not outdated, but i have never flirted over emails. get your mind correct and i said in a barney way - - i have no intention of meeting someone online and i get dates every weekend so chill with the accusations, i was bored so i just replied to this depressed girl's shit,

and since when do popular girls lose appeal? im not talking about door met whores, im saying socially open girls. and she doesn't like herself. you cant know who you are just by being isolated, you have to interact and see your reflection from others to understand yourself better in order to be yourself.

alright and now back to the OP

sorry if that sounded like what 31 suggested, good luck on your own.

33 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-24 03:57 ID:Heaven

>>32
I'll give you a tip if you're new: don't overreact and cool down. Don't let violence boil up.

Relax, there's nothing personal.

34 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-24 15:53 ID:KFtaLjVT

>>32 >>33

... and get rid of that username, go anon \o/

35 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-25 05:05 ID:S60KnOBD

>>32 i get dates every weekend so chill.

Shit was so cash.

36 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-04 02:57 ID:mZAZZYuO

Hope you're having some sort of success out there, Fail-chan!

37 Name: Thunder!3GqYIJ3Obs : 2008-05-04 04:05 ID:ADbhiT8d

Yeah, I wanna hear more about Fail-chan!

also, >>35, I lolled. (`・ω・´)

38 Name: soccerfuu9 : 2008-05-04 08:29 ID:ls/EpV1o

Since I'm new to this thread...i'm just going to give this girl a new name: Kawaii-chan!

39 Name: ure-kun : 2008-05-04 08:51 ID:Yh7zLimC

I'm sure you are attractive and that attractiveness is going to attract guys and because of that. You will be attracting the trash and the jewels as well. I suggest date multiple guys and learn things about them and let a little bit of stuff out about yourself gradually.

Don't worry about being socially retarded. The only reason you are is because you haven't been trained or practiced that particular skill in your life. YOu just gotta build that up from scratch, work little at a time.

40 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-04 09:18 ID:YKhRfAa9

>>39
Don't date them at the same time.

41 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-07 08:33 ID:EZrKpEEG

>>22. >>sorry, there are lots of ugly people in the world. It's fact.

looking from biological point of view. darwin's theory on the survival of the fittest. if nobody wants to be with ugly people, why do human still produce ugly people then. according to the theory, we should all by now be beautiful because ugly people would be exticnt already. so what went wrong???

seems like 'ugly' people according to you might be considered beautiful by others. my point is 'beauty is in the eye of beholder man'.

42 Name: soccerfuu9 : 2008-05-07 09:43 ID:Z0qW3m70

sweetness comes from the heart...not the image. You show that to the guy...you will have a good shot at winning his.

43 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-09 02:13 ID:jq9Sz/Gf

Honestly, I find that most of the stereotypical "popular girls" are shallow assholes who put on a show to be liked.

Where I'm from, almost all of them are clones of each other.

44 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-09 04:27 ID:jmpVhuGr

>>1
Jesus girl. 50 kilos?

I weighed that much when I was 10, and I'm by no means fat. Have you considered that you might be underweight, and that that might be detracting from your attractiveness?

45 Name: Korra : 2008-05-10 05:26 ID:gYR5/DjS

Boy facts:

"Romantic Love for boys: Bestfriend turns Girlfriend."

Hard to say, but if you first look for friendship, you'll form a bound of trust and respect which could turn into something bigger.

That IS socialize.

46 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-11 01:53 ID:jQfR7QKA

>>43
Exactly!! Me too. (Because I'm a girl, I can't really comment on their attractiveness, but they all seem the same skimpy outfit and hip hugging jeans set to me.) 50% of them have about two words in their vocabulary (OMG and like). 50% are A+ overachievers (but I have a feeling half of that GPA can be credited to cheating/copying/sharing answers)

>>38
I like it. I feel sort of bad referring to OP as Fail-chan, because I don't think she's in any way a "Fail".

>>1
You seem like a kind person, but rather self-conscious. You don't need to be comfortable around strangers all the time. Although, just saying "Hi!' to other people you see can make a huge difference.

I'd like to be friends with a kind, but rather shy girl like you, OP, rather than a person who's really good at socializing, but is the clone that 90% of popular girls are. Good luck ^_^ You're definately not alone.

47 Name: soccerfuu9 : 2008-05-12 03:32 ID:Ug49Spej

Where is Kawaii-chan?

48 Name: Kira : 2008-05-12 13:35 ID:cr2tJoN+

Popular for not here is a fact that you should look for: Life only comes once so have fun.
Just don't care about those petty things and just look for you are own life and if you want some friends or happiness then you need to commit on yourself.
Happiness and friendship doesn't just fall from the sky, you need to look for it, explore it, improve on it, etc.
So don't look at your mirror and feel depressed, go out and find the things that you seek for instead.
Good luck! -Kira

49 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-13 03:02 ID:X+xWlsBt

You do sound as though you are lonely, but please do not become someone you are not in order to have friends. Your ultimate goal should be to become a happier and more whole version of yourself and this will attract people to you. By that I mean you shouldn't try to become a popular girl for the sake of making friends, because those friendships will be empty.

You should aim to become better at being yourself, a little better at socialising to widen your current circle of friends and thus less lonely and more comfortable with yourself. Try spending more time with the friends you do have, maybe try to get them to join a club with you, have fun together, when you have fun you attract other people to you and with more practice socialising you will lose some of your awkwardness.

Last of all but maybe most importantly is, you have to let people get to know the real you, you need to practice it. If it is really difficult then a perfect place to start is here, anonymous as the internet is, nobody can hurt you. Well sure they could say mean things, but they can't in really hurt you.

50 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-13 03:45 ID:vqPgaUe+

I think this thread was more of a venting thread, yet a hundred people came giving this and that advice. Maybe thats why she doesnt reply.

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