I see what you mean.. Although I don't think I am ugly. It's not like one can't look at my face. My true problem is weight and image which I am changing slowly. Yeah there are some facial features that I would like different but can't cry over not being Brad Pitt really...
>>21
I am wearing glasses, have serious facial expression by nature, look (and act according to some) a bit elitistic which somehow scares people away... not just girls, but people in general. It's just happened too many times so it's not just imagining. In addition to losing weight and changing my appearance, I am studying my behavior and others' reactions... My straightforward earnestness in everything I do tends to notably generate some anxiety and discomfort in people. They suddenly try to measure up against me... A girl once told me that I am "out of reach" in many ways and that if she would be in a relationship with me, she would always have to fight against herself and live under the impression that she's never good enough for me... In one way or another that's what I get from most people I know and/or am dealing with for whatever reason. So, yes... sometimes I think that weight is just part of the issue and maybe even marginal. Something else stays in my way obviously. As hard as I try I can never convince people I care about that I am not judging them, trying them or anything like that and I'm not really, but most of them just find it hard to relax in my presence. There's a context to that, of course. I am certainly not bragging about it, but I am a bit of a person others would be envious of. Be it earnestness, intellect or just charisma (obviously not physical), most people I know find it hard to accept me the way I am... So that forced me to go into hiding. But the more I pretend and try to hide my natural complexity and deepness, the more I irritate those around me because they know I am faking it... I can't even try to act stupid and oblivious because they know I am pretending. As any other human being, I guess, I questioned myself whether it's me or them, but lately even though I think that it's their mental filters that don't let them accept me, I realized that the world is not going to change for me... I am the one to adjust.
Don't get the wrong impression.. It's not like I am isolated from the world and people I know.. I socialize quite a lot, eventhough you wouldn't say that from what you read so far. But there's this inevitable reserve people have when they approach me that made me think so low of myself.. I can and will lose weight. I can change my style. I can adjust a bit, but I can't and frankly I don't want to fundamentally change myself just to fit others' reality... It's unfair because I never expect anybody to change what they are. Yet, I seem to always be expected to change, I guess.
And your question about obesity. I am obese yes, but at 6'1'' I am far from extreme obesity... so let's say I am just plump in a lack of better term :) Certainly not something that's so hideous... I see a lot of guys who are quite more obese than me, having girlfriends... And I must apologize because I am not perfect either. I dumped the girl (my first date in whole life) over trivial reasons... I guess I didn't like her enough and now that's coming back at me... And I am whining over the recent failure because of my insecurity...
Ah far too many thoughts on my mind right now.. Sorry for bothering you guys. I think I'll just continue getting rid of my weight and do some more introspective.. As >>22 said it must be more than just that.. And no, I don't have too many female friends, only 2.