Rough times with boyfriend [crapload of text] (13)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-11 03:37 ID:rXxk3QyT

Things got a little rough with my boyfriend yesterday and today. And the more I think about it, the more I worry.
When I'm with him I'm so happy, but then there are some things he does that just make me really upset. Maybe I am asking for too much. Whenever we argue, he doesn't understand why I'm upset and always wants me to tell him. But I want him to be able to figure out on his own sometimes. A relationship doesn't have to be all verbal, right? He should be able to tell what's wrong sometimes.
The truth is, I don't remember anything about what I used to be like before we were dating. But since my relationship with him started I've been really happy, and I remember everything I've ever done with him. But ever since we started going out, I've actually been crying a lot more than I used to. I cry every time we argue or disagree. I don't want to break up with him because [and this is so corny] I really love him a lot. But if it's so hard for him to just figure out why I'm upset and if he makes me upset so often, is it really worth it?
We have a weird relationship. He's a freshman in college and I'm a sophomore in high school now. We met last year in March and started going out in April of last year, which means it's going to be our one year anniversary soon. We barely even see each other in person anymore.
When we started going out I lied to my parents a lot in order to be with him, even if it was just an hour or two. My parents are typical extremely strict Asians. They found out about the lies and don't approve of our relationship anymore; they think we're just friends now. Obviously we're still together. I almost got into deep shit this year because I skipped a few days of school to be with him and my counselor found out. I never used to be like this, as much as I can remember. I mean, sure I had fights with my parents, but I never disobeyed them like this before. I even sneak out at night until like 5 the next morning to be with him, even on school days.
Bottom line is: I've gotten into so much trouble for/from him. We have wonderful times together and I love him very much. But truthfully, I think many aspects of my life were better before we started going out. I used to have [some] freedom and I seriously never used to cry so much.

This isn't a "should I break up with him" question. I just wanted to get some opinions... please no bashing = =...

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-11 08:53 ID:ICVptpTP

Being a guy I know firsthand that sometimes what guys need is for girls to spell out their feelings in detail for us to understand. I'm blessed (cursed?) with a slightly better/more feminine sense of empathy than most of my kind, but it is still important to understand that communication is the most important key to maintaining a relationship.

Don't be afraid to tell him in detail what it is you're feeling; don't think he'll leave you if you do, because probably the opposite will happen. Guys don't have the innate emotional sensitivity that girls do, which is why you rarely ever see guys comforting each other as girls do for example. But giving him that extra little bit of insight to your heart will probably help him feel even closer to you, which if you both love each other can only strengthen your relationship.

As far as your parents go, I would advise you to be careful. If he's in college now and you rarely get to see each other in person, then keep your meetings to being every once in a while and things that friends would go out and do, so you can minimize suspicion. Once you're 18 and/or out of the house and in college (if it lasts that long, and you have my best wishes that it does :) you'll have more control over your own life and your parents' expectations of you won't be as much of a problem.

And trust me, I understand how that can be; my last year of high school I met a freshman girl who was Asian, and we almost became a couple but she broke it off because her parents wouldn't approve of it. Things went downhill from there, and she stopped speaking to me :( But I do sympathize with your situation.

But I digress. Like I said, don't be afraid to come out and tell him what's wrong; don't assume that he should be able to tell, because quite honestly guys just can't do that sometimes, so we need to be told. Don't be more upset or act annoyed because you have to spell it out for him, but be loving and understanding and be detailed about how it is you feel. And if you both talk about what it is that upsets you then it'll be easier to work things out to keep that from happening and keep you from having to argue as much.

Best of luck :)

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-11 08:56 ID:u5jEw+ex

>Whenever we argue, he doesn't understand why I'm upset and always wants me to tell him. But I want him to be able to figure out on his own sometimes.

That's what most females expect from males and that's what most males hate about females.

>I'm a sophomore in high school now

Problem spotted

>I've gotten into so much trouble for/from him

Overall, it seems to me that this is a problem of depending, you depend on him and I believe that is not love. You need to define your priorities and he cannot be the top one.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-11 21:33 ID:cTxy7rE7

>Whenever we argue, he doesn't understand why I'm upset and always wants me to tell him. But I want him to be able to figure out on his own sometimes. A relationship doesn't have to be all verbal, right? He should be able to tell what's wrong sometimes.

Unless your goal is to be a completely unlikable cunt, don't ever do this again.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-11 21:43 ID:Heaven

+1. Women come up with the most irrational shit to bitch about sometimes, and guys simply can't bring their logical brains to figure out what the hell they're being blamed for.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-11 21:48 ID:xHGXsftS

I think you are WORTHLESS and need to DIE.

BITCH!

7 Name: Herbie : 2008-04-11 21:53 ID:h7zDePe6

Disregard that last reply (he sucks cocks).

Re: communication. If you want your boyfriend to know how you feel or what you want, TELL HIM. Until humans develop widely spread telepathic abilities, people aren't generally going to know what other people are feeling without being told in some way. Seriously. It doesn't get any easier in this regard as time goes on, either. Give it ten years and you'll still be bringing shit upon yourself if you just expect your man to somehow know what's wrong.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-11 23:54 ID:J9jqd1Ok

>>3
said it best

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-12 00:03 ID:UUW+vdG8

I agree with >>2, >>3, and >>7, the rest of you suck.

Guys have this thing missing from their brain that keeps them from "figuring out" anything, even from someone they love. I know it'll be tough just simply talking to him about it, but guys prefer it if you just say it out loud. If he thinks you're being stupid or if he gets angry at you, then I don't think he was really worth the trouble after all if he can't even understand how you feel even after you tell him.

And just so the guys know, the reason a lot of girls do "irrational" things like that is because if you figure it out on your own, we'd know that you'd have been doing it more out of love than guilt.

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-12 01:11 ID:rXxk3QyT

Thanks, >>2 >>7 >>9

I sometimes felt/knew I was being sort of demanding wishing for him to be able to like read my mind. I don't always make him guess what's wrong but when I do I know it's probably not easy for him.

Well we worked it out again... So yeah... Just hoping it lasts in the long run :)

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-13 05:14 ID:sMC6a7DQ

>>10

Good luck! And remember, communicate!

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-14 22:51 ID:jp2DhqCn

>>4

Agreed wholeheartedly. Though I won't directly bash you, you really need to understand that misogyny is very very VERY often actually the fault of the woman. You need to step outside of yourself, put yourself in the shoes of someone who isn't obsessively ruminating over every single little thing you say and has his own life and own problems to figure out and just wants to make you happy but simply doesn't have the mental energy to figure out all of your little emotional puzzles.

Get a grip, be honest and stop being so narcissistic. The world does not revolve around you and maybe you should have some concern for the guy you've been coming within a hair's breadth of emotionally abusing.

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-14 23:11 ID:NDfLIxMN

>>9

I don't know who you are, but I'd like to date you for six months and make you fall in love with me just so I could dump you in the most painfully public way.

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