There's a girl I'm friends with who's dating a guy who liked me for years. I actually liked him too for part of the time, but the timing was just not right and in the end things didn't work out. However, I'm in town again right now (taking a semester off of school to work) and he brought up the fact that he never really got over me and wants to give it another chance. He's dating my friend, but said he'd break up with her for me. I turned him down, and he stayed with my friend, but I can't decide if I should tell her or how I could tell her. I feel guilty knowing that he'd choose me over her if I accepted and that she doesn't know anything about it but I don't know how to tell my friend that her boyfriend is in love with me.
this one of those things that you need to keep to yourself, because telling her would only help you ad do nothing for her. Nothing happened so you should back away from the situation and avoid being alone with dude for a while. . .
Hi,
it's my first post on this thread... but I think the right thing (for your conscious) to do here is to tell her.
That would make you feel easier. But most likely it will ruin your friend's relationship or at least put it through a serious test and likely create tension among you three.
I'll tell you about my previous situation, it differs a bit though.
I'm a guy and when I was in a similar situation (I didn't turn her down b/c she was my dream girl), I thought I owed it to my friend (who has been infatuated with the thoughts of her) and I told him what had happened. And well that girl became very angry with me for "hurting him" and well my friend is no longer my friend after he went through about 3 months of depression.
but it really depends on the personality of those involved in this issue... if it matters, my vote is to not to tell her, for the sake of those two and rather talk to the guy about this and see how much he cares for her... if you want to protect your friend.
take care,
browneyes
The problem is I can't really avoid the guy because I work with him and I don't know how she'd take it since we aren't really good friends. We're friends, but she just moved to town this year and since I was at college the first semester I don't haven't known her well for long. The only reason we really got to know each other was because a good friend of mine became friends with her.
9 out of 10 girls would not react well to it.. thats my best estimation..
I have a quick question though... do you like this guy? b/c it sounded like you wanted to try going out with him at least but you turned him down for the sake of your friend... who isn't your good friend....
there's no need to avoid him at work, surely you are not the only ones who work there just act normal but don't get too close to him otherwise you may be unintentionally sending the wrong message.
Well, actually where I work I'm about the only girl under 30 and all the guys joke around and hit on me so whatever he does seems perfectly normal there. And I can't decide if I like him or not. Basically, I'm terrible with relationships. I'm exactly like my brother. We get bored easily and can't deal with attachment. I've canceled a date before because I was in the middle of a good book. So I don't want to break them up just to ditch him in no time.
well it seems like you don't feel that much attraction to him... so for now, I think it's best for you to keep it away from your friend and just talk to him about the issue if you feel uncomfortable with it... otherwise just try to act like it didn't happen. I think that will work out the best for all of you.
as for the bad at relationships, I can't think of anything helpful, since I'm the exact opposite of your case. but I think that's fairly normal to get bored with relationships..
hope I helped any.
Yeah, you actually helped a lot. Thanks!
no problem, good luck and take care.
I've been in this situation before. Seriously it goes both ways: either they hate you or hate the SOB for putting your friendship in a wierd situation. One of friend's gf thought the world of me and told me one night when we were dancing that she liked me more than my friend. She talked about how she would of gone home with me if my friend wasn't around and the worse part was that she wasn't drunk when she said it. Yah so I got away from the perdicament right away and left my group of friends early because who knows what she might of attempted that night in front of everyone. What sucks is that I felt bad for my friend because he wanted to show her a good time and a really great date so I helped him and planned everything and even fronted some cash since he was broke and I knew he was good for it. When I finally, told him the next day he stopped talking to me for a week till he found out she was cheating on him with another guy while he was working. Shitty I know sounds like crap from a TV show. Glad he got rid of her and he trusts me more than ever now
keep it secret! dont destroy her world by telling her. nothing came from his advances and he went back to her. no harm, no foul!
damn...relationships like this shouldn't exist!!
anyways...back to Riles' problem. how long has this guy been "in love" wit you? It must of been a long time. sure, i feel u dat u don't want 2 hurt ur friend...and i'm not quite sure da reason 4 not thinking a relationship would work out (it's not like ur gettin' married da next day), but if attachment is da issue...then realize one thing: if u kno him so well as FRIENDS, and u still like him...just experiment. Practice makes perfect in this case.
Though, look deeply into ur soul first b4 makin' dat step. Though u said that you "like" him...r u willin' 2 c ur friend hurt? i'm sure u heard of da sayin' "everything has a price." i kno u don't like 2 hurt da ppl u love...but in da case this starts 2 eat u up inside...STOP THE BLEEDING AND GO FOR HIM!!! i'm sure ur friend would understand...eventually...