[Otaku-ex] Any advice? (10)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-27 21:37 ID:NIPMdpMs

I used to date a female otaku, she was quite attractive too. Every friday she'd come around my place and we'll watch some anime but because she wanted to go home early, about 4pm, I only had about 3 hours with her a week, barring the anime club we met at we didn't get far and broke up a few days after her birthday, this January.

I'm certain it was not my fault, I gave her as much attention as I could, I spent like four hours looking for a moogle plushie for her birthday and when I couldn't get one I got an anatomy doll (she's a fanartist with admittedly unoriginal original characters) and perfume. Her reason we broke up was "I can't do this anymore", just that, nothing more, I asked to explain but she didn't.
I shed a single tear and walked away. Like the geek I am I heard the Akagi OP in my head. She stopped going to the anime club and we haven't talked since then.

It's been four months since then and I just need to stop thinking about the break up, get an idea why she broke up and also get some advice to what to do.

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-28 05:08 ID:Heaven

Jesus. Sounds like you were one CHAMPION of a boyfriend.

Either that, or she was a fucking bitch. Either way...how old are you? That would give us some clues as to what advice to give you. And really, you haven't given us much context for the breakup.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-28 13:32 ID:Ibg8JPiw

Mmmm... can be a lot of reasons. first of all, she's an otaku girl right? so she's not thinking according to the standards. Which means she might have felt that she wasnt enough, she might have felt that it wasn't anything for her, she might have had something bad comming her way and didn't want to get you involved, she might have trust issues and couldn't handle it anymore, etc.

There's a lot of reasons that can be plausible, but we can't know for certain, especially since she doesn't want to talk about it.

All you can do from here on is to try and move on, sadly.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-28 14:55 ID:nnJjBs3v

Must agree with the above posters... There's something strange, something admittedly not being said... I suppose there's no chance of it being said, since it's been awhile, not like this happened yesterday...

Since it's been awhile, you may be able to get in touch with her, just dropping her a line to ask how it's going, and perhaps gradually find out that way, but it's doubtful...

Also, since you mentioned only being able to spend 3 or so hours a week with her, was she the type who desired more?

Also, was this... dare I say it... a "long distance" relationship?

I don't know how old you are, but I can say from personal experience that relationships where I've had to drive 2+ hours to see the other person on a weekend just didn't work (partly because of the person, partly because of the distance/not seeing each other...

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-29 01:10 ID:NIPMdpMs

I'm 18, finishing my first year of university, she was my first girlfriend, I was too shy for my own good for most of the time I was in secondary school and only got confidence when it was too late.

As for the context well I just came back from the first time I've been home (I live in London while she lives in Lancashire, in the same town as the university we go to which is 4-6 hours apart) while I was with her. On her birthday I went into her work, gave her her presents but I was too late to ask her out for lunch.
The week went on normally from there but we did speak less than we normally did but after all that talking online over christmas left us with not much to say.
On that Thursday she, me and her friends went to a club to celebrate her birthday. Through most of the night she kept avoiding me like the plague and it really did try my patience. Eventually she came out the ladies' with some guy trailing behind her and obviously chatting her up. Now I don't really see myself as jealous but when someone goes down to grab my girlfriend's ass other than me or pre-approved people I understandably get a bit annoyed. I went up, and just say "Hey, remember me I'm your boyfriend." in the most casual way I could. She told me to wait, walked off for a bit, came back and we broke up.

While I do live in London, most of the semester I live on campus less than half an hour bus journy apart and we attend the same university. Most of the time though she went home after classes and I doubt she ever went out unless lots of her freinds went too.
She never really put much effort into our relationship, when she came around my place I had to decide what to do so we spent most of the time watching anime, I suggested other things but she wasn't interested. Thinking about it I think she wanted something "else" but I was too nervous to suggest it.
If it was an issue of distance I'm glad it ended when it did rather than later because next week so I'll be back in London for 4 months.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-30 03:01 ID:9prDed7t

good, then. i had a feeling that she was in her own little world...and i believe you were trying hard to at least get some time with her.

you know what though, there are other girls out there (plenty of otaku girls too!!)...just be patient and enjoy your anime as a single 4 a while.

7 Name: >>4 : 2008-04-30 11:50 ID:nnJjBs3v

#4 here.

>>6 Speaks the truth! I had a feeling that was the case myself, having been in a similar relationship!

Don't feel bad at all, or even worry too much over what the cause was, you didn't do anything wrong, she very likely was not mature or ready for maintaining a relationship, and she obviously wasn't worth the effort you were putting into her!

Don't worry or dwell on the past, just enjoy being single, and indeed, enjoy your anime, and it's that confidence in yourself and your life while single that will help you find and attract that right someone soon enough!

(And I say this from experience, having done just that myself, once I realized that I was confident & cool in being a single guy!)

(Also, thanks for mentioning "Akagi", I'd not heard of it, and also love that song now! ^_^)

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-07 18:19 ID:3dRIPa39

Sorry to reply so late I've had my finals and deadlines. There's one more thing I wanted to ask. This year there's this anime convention which I'm going to. Initially I didn't think of going but she convinced me and I booked, thankfully some of my friends are coming too. It's a three day con and there's a chance I'll bump into her.
Should I talk to her, to see how she's doing? I don't think she'll be the one to start a conversation.

9 Name: >>4 : 2008-05-08 12:15 ID:nnJjBs3v

#4 here,
Sure, why not; Regardless of what happened between you, remember, be cool & confident as yourself, a average, single guy;

Don't dwell on the past, or even give her any reason to think she "got" to you by breaking up or anything;

I hate to sound a little cold there but basically, even if you still are interested in her (and I can't blame you if you were), don't even seem interested, which makes it clear to her that her pulling that rather rude stunt on you meant nothing to you, and losing her in such a rude way on her part, that you didn't really care much after the fact;

Ultimately, don't let her think she got to you at all, and it'll be fine; After all, you're going to make sure to be that confident, relaxed guy, so be sure to give off that vibe;

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-09 17:52 ID:MIHGfmj+

Thanks, everyone this helped a lot. If I didn't ask on here I probably would have asked her instead.
Also I'd probably sound a bit pathetic and desperate too.

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