My friend got rejected about a week or two ago by a girl he really really liked. As in he would go to her house at midnight just to help her with assignments, he wouldn't go out with us anywhere unless that girl came too, he wouldn't mind spending money on her (and he's REALLY cheap), he even kept his own personal diary thing about the girl... But the girl had no romantic feelings towards him whatsoever and had a hardcore crush on another guy.
Now my friend seems really depressed all the time, which is sad cause his birthday just passed a few days ago and I don't think he got the chance to fully enjoy it. He won't even go out with me and our other friends to hang out or anything. We don't talk much anymore (he just started his first year of college and I'm still in high school) but he sometimes used to IM me to help him with his love problems.
What can I do/say to sort of make him feel better? I mean, since we don't really talk much anymore I don't want to randomly say like "HEY, STOP BEING DEPRESSED I HAVE SOMETHING FUNNY TO SAY LOL" or something... Or what can he do to try and get over this?
Hire him a prostitute as a late birthday present. No, really.
I say just hang out with him with him and talk. If not just hang out with him while having a beer and enjoy the silence. Alot of times I'd shun away from people after getting hurt but eventually I'd want someone to talk to. You should be that friend who can be there for him. Initiate contact with him, dont let him wallow in his self sorrow for too long.
p.s. I think your a pretty good friend already since you'd come to forums looking to help your buddy out.
>>1
Yeah, do what >>3 said. Take him out to have a drink or two and just enjoy being together. Even if you're not speaking a lot. It's still better than him being locked in his room weeping on his bed. Be sure to tell him that if he wants to talk about anything you're there, but you won't ask him to. Telling him you won't pressure him into talking about his problems will reassure him.
Another way would be to share your problems with him. Be they past love problems, or current things that are bothering you, whatever. This way, you'll draw closer to his mindset (in his mind, at least) and he'll be more likely to let you help him.
I also always found soothing to be able to hear a friend's story when I was down, because it helps empathetize with his problems and diverts attention from mine. Maybe that will help.
I hope he gets better. Such things are always hard for the guy, and for the friends of this guy that feel hopeless. And feeling hopeless for a friend is something terrible. Good luck for the two of you!
>>4 I agree with this. when two of my friends suffered heartbreak, they really bonded on how horribly their exes treated them. I've never been in a serious relationship before, so I couldn't really offer input, but I called them the 'Broken hearts club.' Heh.
I mean, just by letting you know you want to help him out is a great step! So he fells less alone. I know as a friend you tend to want to fix things, but also remember this is something he'll get over in his own time...They say it takes at least half the time you liked a person to get over them, if you were really serious about it.
a lot of errors in my post, sorry...that's what I get for not reading it through before hitting 'reply'
*just by letting HIM know you want to help
*so he FEELS less alone
Dude, his life is already safe because he has a great friend in you.
Anyways, first of all...DON'T TAKE HIM OUT TO DRINK. My God...I hate it when a lot of people resort to alcohol to release their problems (happened to me once...ain't happening again). Since he's in college right now, why don't you pay him a visit or vice versa, and you guys just hang out (i.e. park, beach, internet cafe, etc.). Eventually, you guys will sit down and he'll probably end up telling his problems to you (one of my best friends does that to me). Be patient about this...because you don't want to increase his depression level.
>>7
You know, "take him out on a drink" is very different to "take him out and get drunk out of your skulls". Being sitting in a rather noisy but not too much place like a pub, in a semi-lit environment, with a cold beer, is quite a great way to open up.
But when I say a drink it might as well be a coffee or a coke, whatever. And of course hanging out on the beach might do the trick.
>>1 You are being selfish, first of all he needs TIME to get over this; it can take months ,a year,...Leave him alone, he needs to heal and when he does HE will make the first move (like talk to you,joke,whatever).
Don't do anything, give him space and in time things will be ok.
>>10 he does need time, I agree with this, but it's not selfish to want to make a friend feel better. He won't get over it right away, obviously, but when you're really depressed, it's nice to have people like OP just saying "hey, I care about you, I'm here for you, man," don't you think?
even just an invitation out - regardless of whether the friend accepts - can be a nice thing.
OP, I think just letting him know you care can be helpful.