If you could go back and change one thing... (14)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-11 23:17 ID:1KI5ZppW

What would it be? Would it be a crush you felt you should have asked out? A relationship you feel you could have saved? Its really not to good to be looking back on the past like this, but sometimes it can be fun to fantasies about what could have been.

If I had some way of going back and time to change things, I feel I know exactly what it could have been.

There was this girl I have known for the past four years or so, she was the first girl I had ever told I liked. Thats literally what I did too, I didn't ask her out or hit on her, I bluntly said "I like you". It was the boldest thing I had ever done and I completely regret it. These types of things are supposed to have happy ending when you try and bust out of your shell, but she absolutely refused me.

If I could, I would go back and never say that I liked her. If she ever asked I would say "as a friend". I have remained good friends with her until very recently when I confessed a lot more to her, but she has now taken it the wrong way and thinks I am trying to steal her from her BF. Because of making that confession all those years ago, it has caused a lot of pain. My romantic life during high school (which is now ending) never worked out at all and I now just want to forget she exists and restart my social life in college in a few months.


Ok, mention yours. You can have a long drawn out description of why (like me) which would be sort of preferable or you can write one sentence.

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-12 00:25 ID:WAqZZ7AJ

you did the right thing. i also liked a girl for a long time before without telling her. then i told her i want to be friends, she did give me some contact number but completely ignore me after that. then i just told her i like her and she rejected me. i personally never regretted it though. i never really regret doing anything even when it turn out worse then that. it's a colourful part of my life and it made me who i am. i much rather fail spectacularly then not have enough passion to try something bold.

sure i cried and went emo for a while but now i can laugh and joke at it with my friends. so it went like something like.

me : i like you.... for a long time.
her: .... hang on i just had sushi
(take breath mint)
her: sorry i don't see you that way

what doesn't kill you make you stronger.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-12 01:43 ID:M5yBwFFg

Wish I could go back to yesterday and actually talk to this girl at Ikea.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-12 01:53 ID:lwDONq2E

I don't know that I'd do anything differently.

Even the girl who obviously liked me, who kept hanging around me, trying to start conversation, who even one day walked up to me and laid her head on my shoulder. Even when I froze up and couldn't move, and then started to squirm away and push her aside because I couldn't handle physical contact. Even when we never spoke again after that day. Even that, I wouldn't go back and change.

If I did somehow go back, it would've played out exactly the same way. You can't regret that which was inevitable and unavoidable.

I've been around a fair bit, and I'm starting to get past the point where I should've married by now. Most of my peers are getting started on the whole parenting business -- I've yet to go on my first date.

Actually, I take that back -- I would change something. I'd go back and make myself realize sooner that I'm simply not made for romance. Would've saved myself a lot of mental anguish in my teen years and early twenties.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-12 02:46 ID:m6L6nu2R



6 Name: soccerfuu9 : 2008-05-12 03:20 ID:jMBwSrOv

Although I don't regret the decision to loving my current girlfriend...I always wondered this...

There was this girl in high school that was (like my girlfriend) a girl met by accident. We met after my dumbass best friend pushed me into a crowd during a school dance cause no other girls would dance with me. Actually, she's been trying to dance with me all night, and we ended up being together the rest of the time there.

We were on the same track & field time, and hung out whenever practice was over (I didn't hang out with her before practice cause I went to a different school for academics in the morning)...however, we never actually took things seriously between us. I mean, we went out once in a while for dinner, a movie, etc., but I felt that she didn't really had it in me for a chance in love.

My ONLY chance came during prom my sophomore year. She (a junior) decided to invite me. We had a great time with friends from the track & field team...including getting lost in another town looking for a particular restaurant, riding in a limo, and "grinding" with the one girl that I was at the time in love with. We eventually went to a friend's house to watch the Disney movie "Aladdin." We were sleepy...but we still had a great time talking and such.

Now, to the "regretting" part. Two things were possible here: 1) I could of taken her outside or to a different room and confess that I loved her, or 2) kissed/hugged her while she was sleeping. I was VERY tempted at the time,and really want to express my feelings to her. However, as my 15 year old self was, I was feeling anxious and struggling whether I am doing the right thing by restraining myself. In the end, we parted way the next early morning.

We eventually hung out for a few more times, before she confessed that she was bi-sexual and wanted to date other girls. At first I was cool with it...but the next year when prom came around, she asked me whether she could bring her girlfriend along as well. I was stupid (I'm not that type of person to say "more girls, more fun") to not completely consider her feelings, but eventually the damage was done when I told her "fuck you...go out with your fucking whore" and dropped it all.

Three years later, I was dating my girlfriend at the time when my ex-crush appeared in my life again. At one point, I was wondering whether I should re-kindle that light with her and forget my current love. The girl just came back from service in the army for a visit, and I still had some feelings for her (despite that she's a bi). However, it eventually made sense that not only was I making an injustice for my current girlfriend, but also to myself for being so indecisive. Here I was loving someone for more than 24 months (at the time) and being so dedicated, and was going to throw all that away for another girl I had indecisive feelings for. When we finally had our one-on-one meeting, the ex-crush and I finally dropped all we had for each other. She admitted that when we went out to prom together a few years back, she liked me also. It was just that I didn't pull the trigger, and apparently she was waiting for me to say "I love you." IF I did do that, she felt we would still be going out today (despite her being bi and going to the army). However, as much as I can see it, it was never to be.

So basically, I COULD of gone back in time to prom, tell my bitch-ass self not to be a coward towards my ex-crush, and actually confess. Though my fate would had been changed decisively due to that choice, I feel contempt with the current choices I made towards the loves of my life, including my girlfriend.

There are more I can share...

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-16 02:18 ID:Heaven

I'd not have talked to her in the first place.

It is messy.

8 Name: S-chan : 2008-05-21 23:37 ID:QNyaBZie


but wouldn't you regret losing the time that you two did have together, wasn't the dance a wonderful day in your life?

just wondering...

but i definently know where you're coming from....with the whole split love situation...if you know what i mean.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-22 01:36 ID:WnomiUvd


No, not really. I suppose I shouldn't have ever been in a relationship in the first place, because having to think to feel emotion instead of letting unidentified feelings sweep you away is how I was the entire time. So, when I wasn't thinking about her, I didn't give a shit. And when I was physically with her, in bed, having sex, I exerted all my mental capacities just to find a reason for having stayed with her, for having been fucking her, and for telling her that I 'loved' her, when I honestly did not. She threatened to kill herself often if I didn't 'get back' together with her. Therefore I often did so at the expense of my time, and the sparing of her life.

The time we had together was an experience, a sequence of memories that I can pick apart and study. It wasn't anything special. I know I sound like a monster, but I'm really not. I just jumped into it because I was curious about how relationships worked. We're through now, she loves someone else, and I'm... "Happy", if not relieved, that she isn't holding any false hope for me anymore.

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-24 23:47 ID:KNVNhpdN


I'm in exactly the same situation as you, only that she still believes I love her.

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-25 04:00 ID:29sbZrsh


I'm not made for romance too, but maybe in a different way than you.

My previous girlfriend threatened to kill herself if I break up with her. I know she couldn't kill herself but imagine the mental stress it brought me. My first girlfriend still communicates with me at the moment with these subtle messages of killing both ourselves and obviously blaming me for ruining her life (and making it pathetic, so she claims). Girls/women are great, but somehow, when they're involved with me, they turn psycho and i'm the one that gets pawnt/gets headaches. I've had enough, i'm enjoying my single life now despite the threats from my first girlfriend. The one that threatened to kill herself stopped communicating with me, maybe she did it, just to make me guilty and make me regret that I loved her.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-25 04:03 ID:29sbZrsh

>maybe she did it

I meant killing herself, not communicating with me.

Also, there is this really nice girl from my high school days, I think my life would be a lot different now if I wasn't so shy and insecure. If I just confessed to her and... Maybe... Just maybe...

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-25 04:59 ID:MTlMmLK1

>>11 Its because you probably have emotional instabilities as well, being attracted to people with the propensity towards psycho-ness is really telling, normal healthy people are attracted to other normal healthy people.

>>12 Rofl you life would be a lot different if you made the healthy changes that would make it different. EG going to a counsellor to deal with your insecurities.

You don't magically become a better person just by wishing it.

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-25 05:25 ID:29sbZrsh


I'm aware, it just occured to me after you posted that it bothers me a lot. I mean, IRL, I lack emotions. And I keep involving myself in these situations where I know I don't want any part of in the end. Just because even just for that certain moment, I felt the thing I am usually lacking on, emotions, specifically, love. Then I tell myself that I can handle it till the end, but I can't.

It's so pitiful that I don't even want to think about it anymore. I've been in relashionships with wrong people, and maybe loving me back could be considered their mistake. But I know it isn't, those things happened so that me and my ex-girlfriends could learn from the experience. I have learned a lot of things with my experiences from my previous relationships. And maybe one of them is learning that i'm better off being single. I think romantic relationships doesn't suit everyone - e.g. me.

Everyone has insecurities. I was very insecure, i'm not as insecure now, I think i'm even fairly confident.

Also, the experiences I had made me fear (and somehow hate) girls/women.

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