k so in my head their is a HUGE difference.
Like i have this friend and she is super pretty and has guys falling all over her but she is still single, so she is a wanted single... but she still complains about being single super annoying
and then their are people like me who wish they weren't single but dont exactly have a bunch of guys flocking after me... or any for that matter
and according to my friend i am single by choice too.. all i have to do do is ask the guy i like out... which is totally out of the question. or as my friends point out its not like i am ugly i am just really intimidating and loud so if i just stopped that they are sure i could have a guy.... so change who i am ... nuh uh..
what do you guys think??
are my friends right is everyone single by choice?
Well... Yes and no. Yes, anyone can get into a relationship easily, they are just scared, or timid, or whatever. Or no, they rather be single because it is less of a hassle. It's a little confusing.
maybe your friend likes someone in particular, thus complains about being single but wont date just anybody.
and nuh i don't think everyone is single by choice,
If you're desperate enough, you could use an online dating service, a mail-order bride, or just some sell-out on CraigsList. Ultimately, it all boils down to that choice.
>Like i have this friend and she is super pretty and has guys falling all over her but she is still single, so she is a wanted single... but she still complains about being single super annoying
Just because somebody likes her doesn't mean she likes them. You don't get into a relationship just because the other person likes you, you like them too. She might not want to be single, but isn't just going to get with the first guy she sees.
>>4
This pretty much covers it. Everybody has standards as to who they will/won't date, those standards are a choice and thus we make a conscious decision not to date certain people.
Put yourself in her shoes, would you want a bunch of desperate girls [possibly with kids and/or diseases] after you who probably just want you for money and status?
Yeah that makes sense, i guess it just annoys me more then anything.. even though i know it shouldn't
should a person change who they are to get a guy?? i mean i know i would never want a guy to change who he is just to make me happy... is it the same for guys, are they all looking for the same thing??
I think there's a difference between changing yourself and improving yourself. No, no one should change who they are, ever, to get someone. But improving yourself? There's always room for improvement, and most importantly of all, it's something that benefits you.
If you work out and/or lose weight (in a healthy way), that benefits you. If you have problems with social situations, like being really shy, and you want to become more social, that benefits you.
What's most important here is if the changes are changes that you want to make, and that enrich your life. And if more people are attracted to you because of it, hey, that's a plus.
>>i know i would never want a guy to change who he is just to make me happy... is it the same for guys, are they all looking for the same thing??
I can't speak for other guys; only for myself.
That said, if I wanted to date a fantasy, I'd stick with my h-doujins and never leave the house.
The essence of dating, as I understand it, is that you allow someone else to enter your life and that that someone, reciprocally, allows you into his. For this to happen, there must be mutual trust and mutual honesty.
If you pretend to be someone you aren't simply for the sake of entering into a relationship, the result isn't a complete relationship. You aren't allowing the other person to fully enter your life because you never let him see past the fiction that you've so carefully constructed for him.
But the thing is, even the best actor can't sustain a performance forever. Sooner or later, you'll find that you won't be able to maintain your facade. By that time, if not sooner, the guy you're dating will realize that you've been distancing yourself emotionally from him -- distancing yourself by not letting him see who you really are.
If I were in a relationship and that happened, I'd wonder if my partner really shared my committment to the relationship, or if this wasn't something that she wanted at all. At this point, trust breaks down and the relationship begins to fracture.
You could also encounter other issues: the guy might wonder, "if she can't be truthful to me about who she really is, what else might she be hiding from me?" Deception is corrosive -- once it begins to seep into your relationship, it will eat away at everything it touches.
Granted, the above is an extreme example -- the sort of thing one usually encounters only upon learning that his or her partner is, say of a different sexual orientation than he/she originally professed, or if one finds out that one's partner has committed some serious offense and subsequently lied about it.
With something minor, like (as you noted in your original post) being "intimidating and loud", you might not run into serious problems if you initially covered it up and then subsequently revealed your true self to your boyfriend. Even so, it's better to be honest about that up front. That way, any potential boyfriend will know what he's getting into -- and make no mistake, there are guys out there who like assertive and boistrous women.
In summary, you should only change if you feel that you have a genuine problem that needs to be addressed. But as long as you're of sound health and you remain considerate of others, you should be honest about who you are. That, apparently, is how you'd like your potential boyfriend to be, and mutual honesty is the key to building the sort of trust that leads to healthy and long-lived relationships.