Well recently I began hanging out with my old friends again about a month ago. Everything was the same except one of my friends had apparently gotten a girlfriend. Now at first I didn't think much of her because she seemed to be one of those drunken punker chicks. But about a week ago I began liking her after spending the entire day with only her and a friend. That day I really got to know her and she really, really opened up to me. Since then me and her as well as the other friend have been spending the last week hanging out all day. According to her friend, the one who spent the day with us, she has began to show interest in me. Within the last month she has been having problems with her boyfriend and she has apparently gotten tired of his shit(they are, from what I can tell very emotionally involved). Does /love/ think I should steal her now or wait until they breakup (which may take months because they're hueg faggots like that) to make a move? Also if we ever do end up dating what do you guys think are the odds of me and my friend remaining friends are??
Don't do it. I've been on the receiving end of shit like this in the past. I was once good friends with someone, we were pretty cool, and him, me and my then-gf would hang out together and have a good time. Then my life started falling apart, I dropped out of school, a close family member died and me and my gf split. At the time, my "friend" didn't do much for me, and told me to just get over it.
So when I got a new job about a year ago, I saw this old friend of mine and I wanted to catch up on things. He seemed a bit weary of me and I couldn't figure out why. Found out from another old classmate that he and my ex had been together for about 2 years and had said quite a lot of shit about me. You don't know how much I want to smash that guy's skull in every time I see him, but I keep myself under control.
The guy's an arse anyway, but the fact that he dated my ex only a couple of months after we split enraged me so much. He wasn't much of a friend, but if you value your own friendship, then don't do it. Girlfriends come and go, but your friends will always be there for you. Don't fuck everything up over a girl.
You could probably date her. Be prepared to lose your friend, though, especially if they're having problems.
The worse the breakup, the more your friend will hate you for dating her.
>>2
>>3
I would hate to lose my friend but at the moment I'm at a point in life where I'm really desperate to get with another girl simply because of a breakup that happened 3 months ago. I was with this girl for 2 years before she left me. About a month later after the break up she pretty much got rid of me. She now wants nothing to do with me, talks so much trash about me and wants to get with some other guy who I really hate with a passion. Losing her as a friend really fucking sucked because she was the only person I talked to for nearly all of 2007. That's why I began hanging out with my friends again.
One of my best friends told me that me liking my friends gf was just a phase and that I only liked her to get my mind off my ex and not to do anything about it. Maybe he has a point but I don't know why of all people I would choose to like her. I honestly don't know what to think about all of this. I wanna get with this chick but I don't wanna lose a friend. Arrrrgghhh, I feel like if my mind is about to explode because of all of this...
>Losing her as a friend really fucking sucked because she was the only person I talked to for nearly all of 2007. That's why I began hanging out with my friends again.
I hope you learned a lesson from that, lad.
>The worse the breakup, the more your friend will hate you for dating her.
... and the more your friend will need his friends (that's you) to be supportive and around him. I really cannot see that happen if you start dating the girl.
Maybe some weeks or monthes later, when he's got over it, and most important after asking him what he thinks about it (well, if he's a close friend and you really don't want to lose him). He might be hurt by that, but this move will prove you that in the end you value your friendship more than the girl, and he will probably end up telling you he doesn't care. If he tells you that would horribly hurt and disappoint him... don't do it. Seriously. Unless you think this is the girl of your life and you want to marry her on the spot (and even then...)
>I hope you learned a lesson from that, lad.
Haha, yeah I did, but we all learn from our mistakes right?
Well I've asked him about it when we were drunk and he said that whatever happens happens and he'll just get over it. But we were drunk and I didn't state it was me who would do that.
I guess I should wait but then comes the second dilemma. I only see her because she wasn't attending school. Now she enrolled in school again on Friday so the only time I get to see her now is when she visits her bf. So if they do break up and I do wait a few months odds I wont see her for those months.
>>6
I'm glad you did, but no, it looks like some people never learn...
If you really want to see her without her boyfriend, just find something you both are interested in and that he hates, and manage to make an appointment to do one of these things with her, "casually". Get her number/mail in that purpose.
Also 99% of the things said while drunk aren't to take into account. And I still think this isn't a good idea.
dude, seriously, you are selfish. No matter what, NO MATTER WHAT, a friend's girlfriend is off limits.
"I would hate to lose my friend but at the moment I'm at a point in life where I'm really desperate to get with another girl simply because of a breakup that happened 3 months ago"
You said it yourself, you're desperate. And basically you would feel kinda bad for your friend, but screw him, right? You want his girl. Geez would it kill you to be single for a while and not leech off other people's relationships? Don't interfere with other people's lives, especially if you're the only one wanting to gain something. Maybe your ex was onto something...
dude, seriously, you are selfish. No matter what, NO MATTER WHAT, a friend's girlfriend is off limits.
"I would hate to lose my friend but at the moment I'm at a point in life where I'm really desperate to get with another girl simply because of a breakup that happened 3 months ago"
You said it yourself, you're desperate. And basically you would feel kinda bad for your friend, but screw him, right? You want his girl. Geez would it kill you to be single for a while and not leech off other people's relationships? Don't interfere with other people's lives, especially if you're the only one wanting to gain something. Maybe your ex was onto something...
>>9
You're right, I shouldn't interfere with his relationship. No if, ands, or buts. God I really do come off as a selfish asshole that would ditch his friends in a heartbeat for a chick.
And part of the reason why I can't seem to get over my ex is because of my stupidity. I have access to her email accounts and myspace account. Having that, I log into her stuff and read her shit when I know I shouldn't. That's how I know shes a shit talker and really wants to get with some other guy and doesn't give two shits about me. I'm sure that if I could stop being such a nosy dick and stop reading her shit, I'd be able to get over her much easily but doing that is really hard for me. That's the only thing that I feel I have control over in my life ATM... (This is probably the only thing holding me back from having a happy life- I need to work on this)
I am the one who put myself in this position so I have to get myself outa it and NOT drag anyone else down with me.
I'll take your advice on that. I wont rush into anything with her besides friendship until they break up and even then I'll wait about a month after the breakup (or until he gets better) to try to get with her.
Well thanks for the advice guys... I'll update this in a couple of weeks and tell you guys what I end up doing...
>>10
2 here. Don't worry, I know the feeling. I split up with the gf I mentioned in my post nearly 3 years ago, but I've only truely gotten over her within the past 9 months. Even so, there are times when I do end up bumping into her (in town, in the pub, etc) and I end up in a panic. Hell, I still have access to her iTunes account so I could buy a bunch of crap under her name if I wanted.
But you've just got to get over her, kick her out of your life. If you've got the passwords autosaved, then delete them. If she crops up in your mind, call your friends and have an afternoon of hanging out. It'll fade away eventually.
And DO NOT make any move for your friend's gf, there will be awkwardness whenever you try it. There was awkwardness between me and my current best friend when he made a move for one of my ex's. And if you are insistant on making a move for her, you'regonna have to wait a LOT longer than a month. That's way too soon.
So true. Even if one of my friends hooked up with an ex that I don't care for at all and would never take out....it would still feel weird and like a betrayal. And I was in your situation before rr_14. There was a girl I LOVED since we were children and from being too late on making my move and her being immature, trying to get me jealous, she ended up dated one of my best friends. And when they broke up, she started waiting for me again.....but I couldn't. It's just not right.
haha this reminds me of that Chris Rock show. Dude, you're acting like "Gee, my friend has a really great girlfriend that is easy to talk too, I WANT her."
You should be thinking, "Gee, my friend has a really cool girlfriend that is easy to talk to, I hope I can meet someone like her."
>>11
Yeah I'm familiar with the feeling too. Before this ex there was another who I spent another 2 years of my life with. When we broke up, everything that reminded me of her made me fucking RAEG for the year after the breakup. It's the same thing with this ex. I know I'll get over this one like the one before but damn, this feeling is just to overwhelming.
>Even so, there are times when I do end up bumping into her (in town, in the pub, etc) and I end up in a panic
Same here :) I saw her not to long ago with the guy she's fallen for and I nearly exploded in anger. Luckily she's moving to another county during the summer so the odds of me bumping into her a small. Also about the passwords, I have them memorized unfortunately :(
>>12
Yeah I know I should be thinking about meeting someone as chill as her and not taking her away from my friend, but ATM it feels like I'm never going to find anyone :P
Only time will tell...
OP, listen to yourself. You're desperate. You're not over your ex-girlfriend. You want to steal your close friend's girl away from him.
You're a mess - you're not ready for a relationship right now, and the last thing you need is another girl.
You let your ex-gf monopolize your life, and now, just when you're hanging out with friends again, you're going to let another chick ruin your friendship.
Dude. Get some common sense.
> Yeah I know I should be thinking about meeting someone as chill as her and not taking her away from my friend, but ATM it feels like I'm never going to find anyone :P
Everyone feels that way sometimes. I once went a year and a half without a relationship, but the funny thing was I found that girl on a weekend where going on the pull was the very last thing. These things happen when you least expect them to, so spend some time on yourself and get the thought of women out of your head completely for the meantime.
You'll find someone eventually. You sound like you're still in your early-to-mid teens, you've got plenty of time. Though this is coming from someone who can be pretty impatient himself.
>>15
lol yeah I know I shouldn't be thinking about relationships.
Well today was a good day (I know this isn't my personal blog but eh..). I got to see her (my friends gf) today and well I noticed that the same little feeling was well, gone. I guess I got over her just like that. I also did alot things to keep my mind off my ex. We terrorized the city streets and ran like crazy when 'Johnny' got curious. Tomorrow we plan on going to find jobs at the now burned down Universal Studios. In a nutshell I think I'm regaining control of my life again. All I really do is go with the flow of the universe and hope for the best :)