So, I'm not the type to fall in love easily.
At least I think so. I've had crushes before but it's nothing like this. I have never felt this way before, not about anyone. I spent my whole life seeing other people get hurt by their feelings and decided I wanted to avoid that, but aparrently avoiding it wasn't enough.
Shit, I think I'm in love.
As much as I'd like to avoid using the word "love", it's the only thing that seems to come close when I'm around this guy. I don't know when this happened or how, but now I feel really out of it, like I've been knocked off any sort of emotion equilibrium (and I wasn't too stable to begin with) and now I'm confused. I don't understand these feelings- it feels like I'm sick minus the nausea and I can't think with him around. My chest gets really tight like I can't breath and when I close my eyes all I can think about is him. I'm so distracted I tripped over nothing and I've hurt myself countless times (physically) ever since I was aware of my feelings not to much before.
If it were puppy love I'd be able to push it off with the power of thought, but I've tried so hard to close myself off emotionally and it doesn't work.
As much as I would like to be able to ask him out, have him say yes and we both walk off into the sunset happy as pigs in shit, there's a problem.
Okay two problems
1.The guy I like has many admirers, I mean MANY, albeit short lived. A friend of mine, his ex girlfriend, has seen countless people go through the same stuff I'm going through and IT'S SOOOO NOT WORTH IT! Plus he's made out with most of them. The way she puts it, it seems like he's really emotionally insensitive, though I don't really think she's over him by that way she talks about him. And to add the cherry on the cake, another friend of mine likes him as well, though she's been hot and cold because of our other friend's influence. And I'm seriously thinking about encouraging them to get together because I'm really tired of feeling like this and not being able to do anything about it because fear of rejection or emotion abuse afterward/being manipulated or strung along if we're actually in a relationship (which the chance of that is slim to none because he has LDR with a girl across the country and was willing to jump through hoops for her, but cheats on her without thinking) and
2.There's another person who is nice and is interested in me, Who I went on a date with and am not really attracted to. (inb4 YOu STUPID WHORE) I agreed to the date before I really knew what I was getting into, and should have backed out, but didn't, maybe because I was a little hopeful, Yes, he is nice, but he's also extremely passive, blunt, and seeks validation because he isn't very self confident. Our date wasn't the best, and he's very hopeful, but I think the both of us got the "This isn't going to work" vibes. Despite this I may have accidentally promised him a second date without thinking. I hope to invite another friend along "Densha Otoko" style and do something less romantic to show that we have more fun as friends then as -shudders- lovers.
My friend (the one who also likes him) is forcing me to confess before I'm really ready (because I kept running aroung telling all my friends 'OMFG I NEED TO GET THIS SHIT OFF MY CHEST AND TELL HIM OR I WILL EXPLODE!" at one point). Despite noticing all of his flaws and weaknesses, it's his kindness and affection that shines brighter. I really do like him and I want to tell him that before he leaves for college (near his LDR gf) but I'm not sure if it'll hurt me more in the long run to tell him than to keep it to myself and hope the pain goes away when he leaves.
Halp me pls?
tl;dr Bawwing over boy who is leaving very soon who may not be worth it over someone else who likes me that I don't like back and am not sure if I should tell him my feelings OMG TEENAGE DRAMA AND ANGST!