Indecisive and Confused (10)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-22 19:24 ID:RQAVc+GH

OK, so here's the problem: I seem to have become infatuated with three females, and have no clue whatsoever how they feel about me, and also can't figure out which one I should pursue, and what to do to gain/hold their attention. I've kind of narrowed it down to two at the moment, because the other has been in a two year relationship and is semi-engaged (that's the killer).

One of the females lives a few miles from me and goes to the same school as I do. She's absolutely great. Pretty, athletic, smart, upper-middle class, etc. Unfortunately, we have nothing in common, or at least that's what I've gathered from the boring odd conversations about nothing that we've had. I frequently use Ebonics in my regular, non-ebonified voice, in mockery of the people in our school that use it completely seriously, despite our ghetto's being just an incredibly small fragment of what was Cabrini Green. However, it took her a few months of knowing me to pick up on the sarcasm. Sure, she's watched a few animes, and that's good, but it's all stuff like Miyazaki and Sailor Moon. I like that stuff too, but I've watched almost one hundred animes, and that's a really small selection to choose from. She has started watching more, just so we have a little bit in common, but it's not like she's torrenting three different series' at any given time like myself. She's shown an interest in me for a while, and we've made plans to go on a date or two after she gets back from vacation in Spain, but we never talk about anything. I mean, we talk, but.... you all understand, right? It's just superficial crap. I swear, a few times I've even found us talking about the weather. I don't even go outside every day. Oh yeah, and she's a preppy, which I've been trying (and failing) at getting away from since my freshman year.

Enter the other girl. She's a lot more like me. We both watch anime, draw, do graphix, use Linux (though she uses this bastardized Ubuntu version. I mean, if you're going to pick a distro to bastardize, why Ubuntu?), hang out in Hot Topic, listen to Death Metal, watch epic amounts of porn, masturbate daily, and have quite liberal views when it comes to dating (to the point where I wouldn't mind if my partner made out with other guys, or possibly even did oral or anal, and she feels similarly, though the opportunities for guys to cheat seam to be lower than women). We met through our mutual tightest friend, and we've been talking/flirting for a long time. It started out easier to talk to her because I was verging on obese and I knew (thought) I had no chance with her, but over the past few years, I've lost tons of weight. Last Tuesday, we were at a party, and it was getting late and we were both a bit tired, and she snuggled up in my arms, so I caressed her legs and her boobs like she taught me when I was trying to get two chicks in bed at once. Later, she told me to follow her into the basement, but our mutual best friend followed us in too, so we... didn't get any farther. I talked to her online the next day and she said that my technique had gotten her really horny and that she would have definitely given me my first kiss (......don't ask) and possibly even gone farther (I'd wanted to give her oral earlier that day, but everyone was around, and she's not an exhibitionist like myself.). (continued in next post)

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-22 19:24 ID:RQAVc+GH

On either Wednesday or Thursday, she broke up with her boyfriend, and I'm afraid I'm partially to blame, because he doesn't seem as open-minded as us, and she probably told him. She was feeling really down and asked me to call her later. However, later she got online and she was fine, and I asked her if she still wanted me to call her, and she said “dunno”, which I interpreted as “no”. So I left her alone. Anyway, last night (this morning), I was up really late trying to reverse engineer some proprietary software (I failed, by the way), and at around 2:30, she logs in and tells me that she just got back from wherever she was and she made out with her best guy friend. Ordinarily, I'd be pretty cool with that, that's great, who gives a fuck. But this was right after I'd told her I'd give her my first, and she just took this guy's first, and I'm like “lolwut”. But even then, I was just slightly jealous, because I know it's gonna be at least a year until I bother to get my license, and so it will be at least a year until I can be with her until two in the morning. But I make just a slightly sarcastic jealous clingy comment (stupid me, stupid me), and she gets quite apologetic, which makes me feel even worse, because I hate it when people apologize. But then, after apologizing, she went on to say “it would've been more if it were just you.” and I start feeling better... But then she adds “probably because you're not shy like him” </3... And then she goes on to tell me how they were both friends but after a while they developed crushes on each other even though they were both dating other people, so they didn't tell each other for a long time, but these days they're more than just friends. Then she goes on about how shy he is, and how I'm not shy, so I tell her how I am with girl 1, who I've never discussed anything sexual with. She tells me that's because I really like Girl 1, but I'm only attracted to her, and then she says that that's how most of her relationships have been. I tell her that that's not the case at all, and I think we sit silent for a while and have a short discussion about the new redtube uploads. Then more silence, then she goes to bed.

I know that girl 1 is almost definitely better for me, but girl 2 just seems more interesting and adventurous, and she's more the type I hope to end up with in the long run. As soon as I finish my associates degree, I plan on moving out of this climate for good, unless there's some reason to stay. Girl 1... wouldn't be a reason to stay, as bad as that sounds. I think she feels the same way about me, too. Girl 2 on the other hand, might be, even though it will probably end sourly.

So anyway, anonymous.... What the hell should I do?

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-22 21:03 ID:a6EtMvyt

Whatever happened to girl 3?

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-22 21:34 ID:RQAVc+GH

>>3 She's semi-engaged, so.... Whatever. Also, she's my best friend, and I don't want to ruin that. And when we met, she had a crush on me, and I told her I didn't like her, cuz it took me over a year to realize how awesome she is.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-22 22:01 ID:l54GMtvX

>>4
The fact that she is semi-engaged is a really good reason not to pursue her.

However,

>And when we met, she had a crush on me, and I told her I didn't like her, cuz it took me over a year to realize how awesome she is.

would be something really nice to say to her, imo, if the first point would happen to change.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-26 21:23 ID:4qHKqVIF

Well, I guess there's not really much advice in my case, but I'm still hoping, so here's an update:

Girl two and I got into a huge argument about Densha Otoko (or rather, she got angry at me and I had to apologize for something I didn't really feel I should be apologizing for), and we didn't speak for a few days. We made up after that, though. However, during our argument, she came out with all of this emo shit about nobody understanding her or knowing her, and how I don't know a thing about her, etc. Which, imho, is total bullshit. Personally, I believe that the majority of what you show others and what you do is who you are, like it or not. I mean, sure, I was a closet otaku for a few years, but it's not like I didn't watch anime. It's not like I was sitting there, liking anime, but not watching it for whatever reason. But whatever.

I get really mixed feelings from girl 2. On one hand, I'm the only one who has felt her up to the extent that we went. And aside from her ex-boyfriend, I'm the only male that she's told about some extremely bad circumstances from her childhood. On the other hand though, she keeps doing all of this pushing me away, and the fact that she told me about her childhood could just mean that she doesn't see me as a guy. Another thing is, girl 3 told me that when they were talking the other night, girl 2 said that our other mutual friend was too good for me. I happen to know that this girl is girl 2's unrequited love (oh yeah, I'm the only one that knows she really is bi, not just "bi curious"... but that could just be cuz I'm so sexually open-minded), but still, that just hurts.

Any further advice, or interpretation of girl 2's behavior? Sometimes I really wish I were gay, guys are so obvious compared to women.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-26 23:24 ID:1W0Ndqj8

Hmmm... that was a lot. Well I guess my reply is going to be long. I say go for the Girl2. Because quite simply, you've wrote like five paragraphs about her. ^_^

Lol dude some of that stuff you wrote had me laughing. "We both watch epic amounts of porn." "Hang out at Hot Topic" (Hot Topic isn't cool in S. California) But that porn thing, lol epic huh?

I think personally, I'd prefer the girl not into anime not so much just because a girlfriend is into everything I like is sort of boring...I mean there'd be nothing for me to show her or her me. I'm also quite confused... you are sexual open-minded yet you haven't had a kiss yet? Can you clear that up. I wouldn't want to date a girl making out with random guys...

And an another think... how the hell did you get in a huge fight about Densha Otoko?!?! lol!

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-28 05:16 ID:g/12mTck

Yeah, in Chicago, Hot Topic isn't really cool either, but because our schools are so big popularity doesn't matter, because everyone is split into huge groups and then sub-groups, rather than popular/unpopular and then sub-groups within. It's more of a goth/emo store, and it just so happens that the coolest anime geeks have are also emo... I'm more of a hippie myself, but w/e.

Don't even ask about the Densha Otoko argument... I don't understand, that should be a great movie for couples, but it just hasn't been good for me at all.

anyway, I was talking to her tonight, and she wanted to know if I was gonna be at the fireworks/music festival tomorrow night. I'm a British national, so I think that Independence Day is a bit of a joke, but I said sure, and we talked a bit. Since today has been such a good day, and because most of my blood was in places other than my brain while we were talking, I decided to ask her what she felt about me...

*(23:50:45) ~Anon~ says: ok... Do I honestly have any chance of being anything more than just one of Girl 3's friends that you'd make out with under some conditions? Do you on any level feel the same way that I feel about you? I realize that you might not be ready for a relationship, and truthfully, I'm not really into net-relationships, but it's just something I'd like to know to figure out how to continue to talk with you... Actually, I probably won't change the way I talk with you that much, but it would change my expectations.
(23:52:06) Girl 2 says: I dunno really
(23:52:14) ~Anon~ says: and on a lighter note, what don't you like about ariel rebel?
(23:52:26) Girl 2 says: right now your one of my friends, not just one of Girl 3's friends.*

... and totally avoided the rest, and started talking about Ariel Rebel instead. And then starts talking about this asian girl she has a crush on that's "too good for me"(though she didn't tell me this... Oh, I said this in >>5). And then she said she had to go.

Meanwhile, I think Girl 1 gets back from Spain soon, and I've found a really nice cafe close to where we both live that I'd like to take her to... and I spend an hour a day with Girl 3 and she doesn't know a thing. I really know that Girl 1 is definitely the best bet for me, and I'm sure it will be great once she gets back, but I can't help it... I've been crushing on Girl 2 for ages....

Any advice on how I should proceed? I want to try and break it (it which does not exist) off with Girl 2, but we're "friends", and I don't want that to stop, etc... I could probably block her on msn, but I'd still see her at parties and stuff every few weeks, and then I'd start all over again... And I don't know if she likes it if guys play hard to get... I certainly don't like it when they play hard to get.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-29 22:01 ID:80C2Uiyj

End the friendship. Girls and guys can't be true friends. You have to.

10 Name: Akina : 2008-06-30 06:16 ID:Q+7OZtMS

Girl 2 sounds like she is really dense and emotionally insensitive. Have you ever told her outright how you feel about her? Not just "Do you feel the same way I feel about you?" But like "I have feelings for you" Or somewhere else along the lines. She probably doesn't know how deep your feelings run for her.

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