No contacting (phone/email) for about a week now? what should i do? (14)

1 Name: Chinzegurl : 2008-06-23 18:19 ID:3jmsSvj6

Hey my problem is basically I haven't heard from my boyfriend for about one week now. I tried msging him on facebook and had tried calling but his phone seems to be dead. We've been together for about 6months now.

Everything was fine until summer (because we go to school together) but now he's in one city and i returned back to my hometown. So all we've been doing is talk on the phone.

An issue that could have triggered him not talking to me is that one of our last conversations i wasnt really feeling happy because i didnt feel like simply being on the phone was enough. But we didnt go into detail about it because he wanted to sleep. And the days after that we were fine. It wasnt brought up again.

Questions:
1) what reason could he be not calling me for?
2) Will he eventaully get back to me? or could this possibly last till end of summer and i finally see him at school?
3) If he does eventually contact me, what should i do?

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-23 20:24 ID:F85eozac

When a girl doesn't call me back, I figure that she hasn't any interest. I know it isn't wise to chase her.

There are billions of fish in the sea. Half of them are male. If some guy doesn't value you enough, then that's his shortcoming. Find a better mate.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-23 21:09 ID:Heaven

Um.... When it's a girl, that's one thing, maybe >>2 is right in that case. But when it's a guy...

1) Wants a little space, probably, busy, having fun, loves to talk to you but possibly feels it's an obligation to continue it for longer than he'd please to? Dunno for sure, but it's not good to assume the worst, especially if you've been together for six months.

2) Could go either way, but not best to assume the worst.

3) Talk normally and not focus on the fact that he hasn't called you in a while, especially if he talks normally too and makes an apology or something.

A large deciding factor is also maturity (which tends to go with age, though there is plenty of deviance from this norm.). More information would probably help, and I'm also curious to find out what happened.

4 Name: chinzegurl : 2008-06-23 21:41 ID:3jmsSvj6

thanks yea i've been reminded and told that alot this past week to not think or assume the worst. And stay calm and not to worry about it.

I would say maturity is very important. He is younger than me about 2yrs. we're in college so we're not really mature? Esp boys take alot longer to mature. So im thinking this plays a part. and this is one of his first serious relationships. He had a gf for about a year but i dont think it was really one...she seemed kind of pyscho and clingy and overemotioonal? From the way he told me things and how much he dislikes her...So i tried my best to NOT be a a crazy psycho gf and give him space. Which according to my friends i've done pretty well. Its just this whole summer thing thats kind of changed it.

Im just not use to not seeing him. I saw him everyday and we would hang out all the time and he didnt mind it at all. I had no requirement of him calling me obviously bc we saw each other all the time. So now i guess thats diff.

I'm just hopeing he's not avoiding me bc he has a feeling im going to confront him about this issue. The distance and if this relationship will work.

And im almost begining to worry WHAT IF something actually bad happened to him? he's just never done this before and we've been together long enough to where i dont think he would pull this just bc he's losing interest.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-25 01:07 ID:gnJGuOdU

Yeah, there's isn't a reason why he would just cut you off. I really doubt he's avoiding you. He might have just died.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-25 05:02 ID:tJnHV8gn

update?

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-25 15:48 ID:3jmsSvj6

still nothing so far. He was active on facebook. He played some game thing. Sooo based on that i'm pretty sure he's not dead. And his phone remains turned off/dead too. Not much i can do.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-25 19:23 ID:5oLhvuj8

>>7 Message him on Facebook? Don't use it myself, but if it's social networking, there must be something like that.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-25 20:28 ID:EueCvmFn

>>8 Facebook is the same thing as Myspace so yeah...

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-25 20:39 ID:Heaven

Doesn't sound good. Consolations. :(

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-25 20:43 ID:kvyLF13q

its probably just him needing space. i dont know what it is you guys normally talk about but sometimes guys just want to talk about guy stuff. its also hard when its long distance. especially if you talk every day. sometimes a guy just runs out of things to talk about and it turns him off from talking for a while. i know thats how i am anyway. sometimes a guy just wants to be away for a while, watch sports and play games or just do what he normally does for a while to get recharged, and then usually we get back to normal. at least, thats how i am. doing the routine can get pretty boring and then we feel like we are forcing ourselves to talk.

or... he could have found someone else o_o. i doubt that though. or at least i hope thats not the case. good luck!

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-26 12:25 ID:ZKkdkbwL

First, my sympathies, OP... What an undesirable situation... I'm hoping you can get through to him, and it's all just a big misunderstanding... I hope I don't sound too negative below, and please don't be discouraged, I'm just going to give my honest opinion, as the kind of guy I am...

>>11 Sorry, but as a guy, in a healthy relationship, as well as several bad ones with clingy psychos, I've got to say in this case, that it's just unacceptable what he's doing... That "needing space" excuse is soooo overused, it's the guy equivalent of a woman saying "I'm just too into my career right now" to get away from a guy she's not into... Most (and I only say most, because there are exceptions) guys who say "I need my space" need to be told to "drop the metaphysical fancy-phrases, and just get over yourself"... Now, again, I say most, as there are some truly psycho women out there (I've dated two of them), who you do need space from, as much as possible! (I'm no longer dating them, of course)

Even if he's got nothing to "talk" about (and we guys aren't usually ones to talk a lot), the fact that he hasn't called to at all to check on you & see how you're doing is, in my opinion, generally unacceptable, let alone the fact that he's (again, just in my opinion), ignoring phone calls & facebook messages asking if he's ok or even still alive...

There's only so far an excuse like "I've been too busy to turn on my phone or check e-mail or facebook lately" can go... It's just not believable in this day & age that someone goes over a week without access to a computer or their voice mail, and can't spare even a measly five minutes to call you back, after you tried to call him?! When a relationship is supposedly a committed one, it's not a convenience or luxury, you're supposed to be there for the other person, and in your case, you're just wanting to ask how he's doing or what he's been up to, standard chit chat, and his lack of any response isn't even giving you the reassurance that he's even alive out there...

In any case, the bottom line is that though I don't know too much about your specific case, I still think it's unacceptable, no matter how much "space" he may need, to drop off the face of the earth, not even returning a call or message for over a week now.... He needs to have that made clear, and he's going to have to gain some maturity, and now, and start treating the relationship as a serious one, rather than a play time, or luxury, to be enjoyed only when it's convenient for him...

Again, sorry to be so harsh, I just really dislike guys who neglect their girlfriends, having dated several girls who were used to man-bashing due to them having previously dated guys who neglected them in that way...

13 Name: chinze : 2008-06-27 05:51 ID:3jmsSvj6

thanks guys. That helps alot. I understand the needing space thing, but i do agree with >>12 after talking with my friends who have been in serious relatioshps, i mean its almost been 2wks since i heard from him.

I think its def. more than "i just need space" if anything i see it as he's just running away from the issue and whether or not he wants a break or simply wants to break up? I dont know. Its just so frustrating that he could just leave me hanging like this.

My best friend who's been through something like this, she keep telling me he's a totaly jerk for doing this to me and she doesnt understand why im still waitng or why i have hope when i dont even really love the guy. Its only been 6months that we've been together and it takes alot for me to really LOVE someone. And we were pretty good friend before that too...which make it worse...bc if thi doesnt work out...

So this time that i've been gven I'm going to use to figure out what i want.

BUt from the looks of it he probbably wont even face me until summer is over. Which to me is extremely cowardly and immature.

So my question is if there is that chance he's not going to see me untill school starts again what should i do?

I know i need to sort out my feelings and figure if he's worth all of this. But is there ANY reason or excuse that can make me completely forgive him for doing this me?

(Sorry this has almost become a rant/vent for me)

It just i trusted him that he wouldnt hurt me. At least not like this. And it take alot for me to trust someone. If it were any other guy and it happened in the begining i normally just drop boys like them. But for him he gained my trust and i felt he cared enough that he wouldnt hurt me. I rather he be straight forward and just tell me he doesnt want to be me with me? Than do this. And thats the thing. I DONT EVEN know what is wrong. Which make it even more frustrating.

i really dont know what to do anymore... but thanks alot guys for your opinions.

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-27 17:06 ID:NLJsRuIJ

> So my question is if there is that chance he's not going to see me untill school starts again what should i do?

Obviously he's not what you though then. Move on. There's nothing else you can do.

Just remember: people don't "change". They get worse.

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