Ending Year-long Live-in Relationship (20)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-09 15:00 ID:NiJbsPZh

I'm just getting out of a wonderful relationship, the first long relationship I've ever had. We were together for almost a year and a half, living in the same apartment. I've been having a lot of trouble coping with the breakup, very much because I didn't have or didn't notice that we were having trouble and that she wanted to leave me. To me, it was like one day she loves me, the next she tells me she doesn't love me anymore. She told me that I didn't pay enough attention to her, and I do realize that is probably the case, but I feel betrayed since she never talked to me. She only talked to her friends.

Less than a week after we broke up, she's with another guy and living in the room next to mine (still same apartment). She still wants to be friends, and I do too, even if only in the hopes she comes back to me someday.

The toughest problem I face is whether to move out or not. I see her every day, and we even have a class together.

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-09 17:47 ID:V2A+xbKx

> To me, it was like one day she loves me, the next she tells me she doesn't love me anymore.

She picked the other guy over you, then broke up with you to be with him. Chances are she was doing him behind your back. Of course she didn't tell you that she was attracted to someone else beforehand.

> I do too, even if only in the hopes she comes back to me someday

After this? Move on, man. Whether you move out is a different matter.

There's a simple cure for your kind of problem: find someone else, even if it's a fling. It's not like it's hard if you go to the usual places.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-10 05:45 ID:NiJbsPZh

>>2
I know she didn't cheat on me, but I do know she really wanted to see other people by that point. She just felt trapped by us living together, her money problems, etc etc.

I agree that I should start seeing other people... the biggest problem is the fact that I let my social life dwindle and I don't know fucking anyone anymore. I'm trying to get back into the world outside my apartment, but I think it's going to be difficult to find anyone during the summer.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-10 06:21 ID:gcmKiXV6

>>3
go clubbing man, even if you dont like dancing and shit you can still pick up some chick there. just dress to impress and act cool. plus, i fyou like dancing then that's just a plus xD

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-10 17:30 ID:aD+H/VPv

> I let my social life dwindle and I don't know fucking anyone anymore

I suppose this is proof that us guys are dumb as bricks compared to women. This is a typical story. In fact, it's the norm.

By comparison, most women don't let their social web wither once they have someone else.

Also, I agree with >>3. Also try sport clubs. Or Toastmaster. Or dance school. Or...

There's plenty excuses for "networking" disguised as something else. If you want to meet people, you actively have to pursue it.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-13 00:32 ID:NiJbsPZh

>>5
I think my best bet is student organizations/activism groups. Smart and/or politically-active chicks FTW. I can't see myself being comfortable at a dance club, really.

Another option I have is to contact a chick I had been interested in before, but whom I haven't really talked to or done anything with outside of school. I feel stupid just messaging/calling her out of the blue, though, even though I think we might get along...

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-15 06:53 ID:g2KMnTDg

>>5 Eh, I tend to date guys who become my best friends, and who have really cool friends, too. Add this to my preference to dealing with guys instead of other women (read: I have a low tolerance for dramatic bullshit) and I have a tendency to get screwed on the social scene after a break-up.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-15 13:54 ID:bWtk0Cby

>>7
Urgh. I'm a guy, but I'm kinda facing the same problem. The girl became a core member of my circle of friends, who are all basically awesome.

And now I'm starting to think I can't see them again because it's too hard to see her.

And of course because all my circle of friends eventually meet and stay close because they're all on the same level of awesome... There's like a whole town of friends I don't think I'll be able to see again.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-17 07:48 ID:p2/TYe78

MOVE THE FUCK OUT!

Look, you need to get over this bitch. Talking from the objective point of view, this girl stopped liking you a long time before she told you. And this other guy, I am telling you she has been doing him way before he moved in. So there is no need to stick around if the girl does not like you, which is the sad truth:

She does not like you. She only wants to be friends because if things don't work out with the new guy she can fall back on you.

So the best way to get over her is to move out, move to a different apartment. Once you established the physical distance it is easier to established the emotional distance. You need to get away from her and you especially need to get away from them, because once you her the bed rocking and her muffled screams through the wall you will want to kill yourself.

So move out for you sanity. Go live with a buddy, go on to craigslist, just get out. No point in trying to save this because obviously she isn't worth it. Seriously what type of girl lives with another guy in the same apartment in the room next to him immediately right after they break up?

Oh if the lease is under your name, then kick her out.

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-17 14:45 ID:Heaven

> Seriously what type of girl lives with another guy in the same apartment in the room next to him immediately right after they break up?

My ex-wife, for one.

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-17 18:22 ID:p2/TYe78

>>10

And we called those type of girls whores.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-17 22:28 ID:Heaven

Seriously I DO WANT to kill those whores!!! They are so annoying!

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-18 05:06 ID:NiJbsPZh

I've pretty much decided to stay barring some unforeseen circumstance.

>You need to get away from her and you especially need to get away from them, because once you her the bed rocking and her muffled screams through the wall you will want to kill yourself.

I've already had to deal with this twice actually. I was pissed as hell the first time, but the second time I wasn't angry but instead sickened. I don't even care anymore, although the thought isn't exactly pleasant.

>She does not like you. She only wants to be friends because if things don't work out with the new guy she can fall back on you.

Honestly I'm not sure anymore if I would take her back. Maybe some day, but I would lose pretty much all respect and attraction to her if she threw me away only to cry on my doorstep a month later.

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-19 02:40 ID:p2/TYe78

Why are you staying? Please give me a reason why. Because from my perspective there is no reason to.

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-19 05:36 ID:ghQQgqAJ

>>13
Wait wait wait wait wait, you're only "not sure" if you'd take her back?

You should be ashamed of yourself for being such an unrepentant pussy. She doesn't want you. She doesn't like you. Kick her ass to the curb or get out yourself. Either is better than whatever the hell you think you're doing right now.

Enjoy sitting around hemming and hawing while you listen to her riding some other dude's cock. Think about it every time she's not at home and you are -- she's probably out choking on some dude's dick. How does that make you feel, pussy? She's having the TIME of her LIFE with some dude that ISN'T YOU, all wet and sloppy-like. You know it's true, because YOU'VE ALREADY HEARD IT. Oh, and guess what? She feels superior to you because she knows you haven't fucked anybody else yet.

Just get out. Now.

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-20 23:52 ID:NiJbsPZh

>>15
Flaming doesn't convince most people of anything, but hearing it like that is somehow convincing me. While I still haven't decided yet, I'm checking out places that need a tenant. I only have so much time before next semester starts.

>>14
I hate dealing with new situations and shit, and the place we have here is in a great location. No car = limited choices.

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-22 23:25 ID:NiJbsPZh

So as it turns out I managed to find a place that's substantially better-located at the same price, sans ex-gf. Whenever the fucker emails me back I can start working out plans.

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-23 06:51 ID:NiJbsPZh

Told my ex that I was going to move out, and why. The ensuing conversation was truly enlightening, to say the least.

The reason she was with me was because she was so excited to have found someone who actually loved her; it was only later that she realized what a serious relationship entailed (I being her first boyfriend), and essentially she didn't know how to deal with the situation. She didn't love me, but she wanted to.

I wanted her to love me too. When she broke up with me, I figured that I had done something horribly wrong, or that I was flawed, or whatever -- not that she was simply coming out of confusion, which I couldn't see in my love blindness.

I suppose we've both learned something very important: I, that appearances can be deceiving; and she, that she can be loved.

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-23 12:32 ID:Heaven

>>18
Glad you can find some positivity in your situation. Good luck on your new home/life!

20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-24 06:53 ID:ghQQgqAJ

>>18
Whatever, dude. Do yourself a favor and don't stay friends with her. Speaking from experience here.

Also speaking from experience: trust me, you'll know when you find a girl who actually likes you. And go figure, you'll probably end up doing to her what your ex-"girlfriend" did to you.

But them's the breaks.

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