fucking emo rant about my ex (2)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-11 20:46 ID:/dYcdQ9U

i just need to vent.

its been 3 months since i broke up with my first gf. i really thought she was the one. i became a wuss in the relationship and as we all know that kills every bit of chemistry. i was also a selfish bastard. and a pushy one.

i've been telling myself to move on and at times it really felt like i've been successful. at other times i feel fucking emo and sad.

i can't stand it now when i see her living her life happily so happily without me. all her pictures on facebook. i'm still the same.

just the other day i had this random dream that she got tgt with some other guy. and i was talking to this guy. then i just woke up suddenly like in those movies where the character has a nightmare and he jolts awake with eyes wide open. that happened to me. i think its never ever happened to me. i'm a fucking heavy sleeper.

since then its been getting bad. i was recovering well but since that fucking dream i've been lapsing into the past. it sucks. its 5 am now and i'm fucking tired..had a long day. but i just don't feel sleepy. i keep going through our old photos and looking at her blog and her facebook profile. i still keep all her text msgs. i read them when i'm taking a dump at work. i open a msn conversation window with her...type loads of stuff but don't press enter. i stare at the window...hoping somehow that she'll msg me first.

when it ended we said we'd be friends. but why don't we talk anymore?

i sense she's indifferent and it kills me. i'd rather she hate me. cos the opposite of love isn't hate..its indifference. you can'tnot give a fuck about someone you care about. but if you hate someone at least they still mean something to you.

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-18 16:50 ID:CEyPMmSI

I don't know why I'm giving advice to an emo because you won't understand it until you are not in the circular mindset of emo, but here I go anyway.

First girlfriend - never really works. hate to say it, but you really need to have a handful of them before you get it right. As you say, you were whiny, pushy, stubborn, and selfish, which is natural because it takes some time to get used to thinking about someone else over yourself.

It seems she was rather mature, and put an end to it gracefully and got on with her life. You need to do the same, and I know it's hard because it seems to easy for her - but you can't define yourself by someone else. You will find your self-worth inside yourself instead of having someone give it to you. That's real confidence.

Once you gain that confidence, people will see it in you, and want to hang around you more. == more girlfriends, more experience.

usually, the best time to do this sort of thing is when going to university. try to avoid going where everyone else is going if you can help it.

TL;DR - Just relax, find your confidence, and return to the flow. If you find yourself thinking about her, consciously make an effort to stop. say to yourself "I'm glad she is happy, and I don't need to worry about her"

that's all i can really say. good luck and don't get obsessed.

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