Talking about sex infront of a person you're secretly attracted to? (4)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-21 05:24 ID:sQxIZvfn

When you're attracted to someone and they don't know it and you don't quite want them to know it (yet), do you make an effort avoid talking about romance or sex while talking with them? Does it not affect you? Do you make effort to talk about it more? And does your gender affect your decision?

I've had strong feelings for my best friend for over a year now, and when I'm around him, I never bring up the subject of sex or make sexual innuendo or double entendre. I'd like very much to have a romantic and, eventually, sexual relationship with him, and I think it is because of this that I never touch on the subject. I also never talk about dating, love, romance, marriage, or having children and never use the words "girlfriend" or "boyfriend" when conversing with him. I'm afraid to explore any of those subjects with him because I am subconsciously afraid that talking about any of that will some how give the fact that I have feelings for him away, and I cannot do that right now, mostly because I'm uncertain if the feeling is mutual and I fear that if it is not, our friendship would be compromised or ruined if he found out.

He occasionally touches on the subjects I avoid, but it's always been while discussing something related. For example, he once said, "I feel bad that (our co-workers) don't get overtime very often because they have low seniority, but I'm not going to give mine to them just because they have kids. It's not like anyone raped them, they made the decision to have those kids and I don't pity them." Or, "Well I don't have to worry about it because I'm single. If I had a wife and kids to support, then I'd worry. But I don't." Even little asides like that bother me.

Today we were having a conversation about certain topics making people uncomfortable (lol, irony) when I said, "In some cultures, three specific topics are avoided at all costs to ensure that no one gets offended or upset during casual conversation. They're religion, politics, and... I can't remember the third one." That was true. I couldn't remember.

Without skipping a beat and without breaking eye contact he interjected, "Sex. The third one is sex. Yeah, you're right. Those three things can be discussed pretty openly amongst family members, well except for sex I suppose, but between acquaintances and strangers, those subjects are likely to cause discomfort if not anger."

Maybe it's because I'm a girl or maybe it's because I'm paranoid he'll find out, but I would never bring sex up in a conversation with him even though I would like very much to (someday) have sex with him.

So, does his unflinching willingness to bring it up mean that he isn't attracted to me? Or is that just something guys do without thinking? Or am I just strange and paranoid?

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-21 05:49 ID:COx1evFi

For best friends, your conversations sound very formalised.
Regarding the topic however, it's really hard to say. I'm not a guy for one thing, but I can say that if I'm romantically attracted to someone, I usually avoid talking about love, sex and all that jazz in front of them. Then again, I see girls who do it deliberately, to provoke a response from a guy. I guess a male's point of view in this matter would be more useful.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-21 09:08 ID:sQxIZvfn

>>2
Alright, those conversation examples were a bit formalized as they came from memory and I wanted to get the point across. We also talk about mundane things like how often our cats throw up and we talk at length about personal feelings and fears and bounce things off of one another. But ultimately it doesn't matter.

Perhaps how one feels about talking about these things will vary from person to person no matter the gender. Perhaps the willingness or reluctance is based in an individual's underlying goals; as in your example, some women get on these topics with the intent of going somewhere with them in provoking a response or possibly something more in the long run. A person who wishes to be more subtle may avoid "hot" topics like the ones mentioned in an effort to maintain their security by not making room for questions or suspicions to rise out of the branching thoughts of sex or love that would follow a conversation on either subject.

Or maybe I'm totally wrong. Any more input is welcomed.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-21 17:26 ID:SPiB2gvQ

>>3
The regard in which he has talked about sex/relationships is so formal/roundabout it is as if he hasn't actually talked about it at all, unless you have more graphic examples.

I bet he feels and thinks the same way as you do, and neither of you will never make a move because you're both too afraid, so afraid you won't even talk about relationships in a general sense. I'll laugh about this in a moment.

lol!
Also you are paranoid

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