Hi.
So I had this best friend who used to hang around with me a lot more than my other friends. Just sleep in the extra bedroom we had instead of going home since my house is closer to work etc. I end up developing feelings for him, because how couldn't I? He was always there, he was great looking, he would jump over the couch on top of me and hold me down...how could I not enjoy these things. I became confused with myself, I had never had feelings this strong for anyone before. I wanted to touch him, want to be close to him. One night I was getting a glass and he was being close and he said "Yeah so what I can be close to you if I want it's a free country" and I said "be as close as you want man I'm not the close police!" and he had his hands in the pockets of his jackets and he came up and wrapped his jacket around me from behind all "o rly?"etc. ...now, every faggy thing he did we'd just play off as jokes, I'd have food on my chin he'd be like "lemme get it" and do a fake like he's gonna lick my face haha funny etc. but the jacket hug kind of got serious and that's when I noticed how much I wanted to be close to him. And people don't just do that do they? One morning he played a song I enjoy from the Bebop soundtrack on his guitar, in his underwear. One time he was singing UB40 - I Want To Make You Sweat but instead of saying "Girl I want to make you sweat" he was singing "Secret Admirer(insertmynameetc.) I want to make you sweat, sweat to you can't sweat no more" another brushed off as a joke etc.
Anyways, I start giving this wonderful boy, who's never done anything wrong to me, the silent treatment because I think my feelings will be unappreciated, that he'll hate me if he finds out my true feelings for him. Basically retardation. He kinda stopped hanging around, got a girlfriend...the ex of one of my remaining friends...I sent him a text message a month or so ago that said something like "I understand this is dumb and a bad idea but I just wanted to say I love you." followed by a whole bunch of self-hating-faggot shit and an "I hope your girlfriend doesn't get this retarded homo shit" to punctuate it. I didn't get anything in return.
So I know I fucked up, what can I say I know I'm not good with people...doesn't really matter if I figure out how, no fixing this one. My question is this:
What's your opinion on his behavior? Do you think he was leading me on with flirtatious behavior, intentional or not? Or do you think I'm just a retarded faggot who needs to stop crushing on his former-best-friend and reading too much into hugs?
Maybe he was curious, but then realized it's not what he wanted, assumed you would fell the same way and moved on.
Or he was curious, knew about your feelings and decided to see how far he can go, realized it's not what he wanted and so on.
Either way: sucks to be you :( Try to get over him, obviously he's not interested anymore.
He is gay.