For some reason I keep falling in love with girls I get to know, who lives an inconvenient distance away from me.
I had a couple of interests that failed for being one-sided only, then I had something going with one, but she was too busy with school and work to stay in touch so it didn't actually go anywhere.
Now, I've currently got a crush on a girl living about four hours away from me, and even though rationalized thinking tells me that it would be easier to give her up, my feelings won't let me.
There've been a handful of discussions about this already... How peculiar!
In general, long-distance relationships aren't worth the time and energy. It requires too much commitment and patience for one to work out, way past the level of convenience most people are comfortable with. Even if you are willing to go through that, the other might not.
However, if you find that this girl is the destined love of your life and that she feels the same about you, it might work if you two decide to be absolutely commited to each other for a very long time. And even if you two actually do decide to do this, you are still gambling with the future. The odds are against you, and there are many more factors out of your control than usual that might sever the relationship. (Long distance requires much more trust in your partner than usual: she needs to fend for herself without your physical presence and things like that.)
But if you still believe the power of love will prevail against all, the relationship has a fighting chance! Communication is important in all relationships, but it is vital in this kind of relationship because it's probably the only factor in keeping it alive. If you two are faithful to each other, only time will tell if things work out for you two.
I don't see the distance as a long term concern. At my age, people move around; for all I know we could even be living together in a year or so.
What bothers me is how I should approach her, as I don't want to confess my feelings for her online or by phone.
The trip is a bit long and expensive for just a one day trip but if I could stay the weekend it's not that bad.
Thus the problem; as we're not together (yet, I hope :) ), I find it hard to suggest staying the weekend there and I don't have any male friends in the area I just can camp at.
I could just drive and be prepared to sleep in the car, but driving is at least twice as expensive as the bus and sleeping in the car is not very appealing. :)
>>3
4 hours isn't that much of a LDR. I mean it's something you can cover in a night and back if need be. And you can do it to spend a day with her.
To answer your concern: if there's a chance you guys might get together, then she probably would accept that you spend a weekend over at her house (find a reason: spending the saturday together then a party on saturday night so you can't drive back, or such things). Anyway, if you're at the age you can move and such things, you're probably a grown-up enough to spend a weekend at a girl's house without it being that much of a problem (and I'm not implying sex or anything like that; really, just, you should be able to do this casually).
this ldr stuff is a load of crap man you're investing all this energy into trying to get with a girl you may only be able to see on the weekends if even then?! are there no women you could go after a little closer to home. and you said this is a crush right have you even checked to see if she feels the same way you don't wanna invest alot of emotions for no return do you ?
Long distance relationship won't work. I've been in touch with a friend for 10 years overseas and spent so much energy to get her to like me, she just won't budge. I gave up. I'd rather do something else than doing that crap.
Obviously, it won't work if either of you aren't interested in developing a strong relationship. But then again, that's how it is with any relationship, so this is a normal concern rather than an exclusive long distance concern.
Just like in any situation, just keep talking to her and get familiar and comfortable with each other. You can be a little assertive in your intentions, but don't push too hard (this is an odd kind of situation, after all). Time will tell whether or not things will work out like you want them to be.
>Obviously, it won't work if either of you aren't interested in developing a strong relationship. But then again, that's how it is with any relationship, so this is a normal concern rather than an exclusive long distance concern.
Maybe, but the trial of distance makes it even moreso important that this is present right at the start of the relationship. You can't do it going from casual to serious, as you could have done with a close relationship developing itself.
And once again: it's VERY important to have as a medium-ranged goal to manage to get close together. It gives you a goal and makes the relationship go somewhere. LDR that don't know where they are going are doomed from the start.
Very very true. Like I said in >>2, I believe you should only attempt to pursue an LDR if you really truly believe this person is the absolute love of your life. Otherwise, I would advise against it.
But >>3 mentions that the distance might not be a very big factor in the future, since it seems like he'll be closing that distance eventually. And if she's okay with him staying over like that, I doubt either of them would consider something as troublesome as that a "casual friendship." But of course, I'm just assuming things at this point...
To OP: Maybe you should try bringing up the idea of staying there over the weekend. >>4 has a good idea. You could probably figure out what your next step is after seeing how she responds to that sort of proposal.