I am 19 years old and never had a girlfriend before. I was raised with old fashioned manners, so I have the whole chivalrous, gallant, gentleman thing going that people tend to love to use and then toss aside when done with them. I have blindly followed some girls for the sole reason that they paid attention to me, but realized that was a bad move on my part and stopped letting myself be used about 2 years ago.
The current situation though is that a girl actually seems like she is genuinely interested in me. She is pretty, twirls her hair alot, and makes a lot of references to the Chipotle burrito bar restaurant. She also continuosly mentions that she broke up with her boyfriend while talking to me. I am really confused with the situation because well no one has ever seemed to show interest in me unless they want some manual labor or help on school work.
Any advice overall or what not? I am just at odds right now.
You're a little young still. As for the girl, ask her out, if she says no what have you lost? If she says yes, what have you gained? I know you're afraid but when you realize you have everything to gain and nothing to lose you'll be better off.
I'd say try and ask her out.
I mean, since you can recognize if you're being used or not now, all you have to do is cut it off if she ends up being that type of person.
If you're misreading her, then she says no and that's the end.
You really have more to gain than to lose. She sounds like she's interested, so go for it!
Good luck!
She might just be seeking a friend or somebody to listen to her. I too was raised like you. I have met a girl whom I had feelings for and told me about her boyfriend(s) breaking up etc. She might be opening up to you because she trusts you. You might be 'that guy' that no male wants to be when concerning the one they like.
She might be telling you that she broke up so you know she is single. The chipotle might be because she wants you to take her there and she is making it easier for you to decide where to take her on a date.
If the former one is correct, you might not want to ask her out if you want to keep the status quo. If it is and you don't ask her she will open up to you and tell you all her secrets. She will eventually love you like a brother.
If the ladder is true then go for it!
Either way you should take her to chipotle!
I don't know if we can call you a gentleman, because gentlemen do get girls. I feel like the best we can call you is the 'nice guy' but we can fix that easily.
Ok number 5 let's hear your advice now then :) I'd like all I can get
>>6
I'm not >>5, but the beeeeeest answer I can give you is one tested and validated by myself. Don't be nice all the time, freely - this makes you a "servant" kind of guy: you're there for her, period. If she feels like tossing you a cheetos because you've been a nice puppy she might do it but don't expect much more.
Be nice but negociate your niceness. Here is the key: be nice but only if you get something... and not in return, but something first. That way, you become the prize and she has to fight for your kindness. Now, you're the cool-guy-that's-not-in-her-pocket. Also, give her attention but only if she deserved it. Girls crave affection. Never showing any = not good; always showing attention = "feel-good-guy" (not a dateable material); showing attention (and in a very good, intimate way if possible) once in a while then kinda "blanking" out (but not too much) = "OMG I WANT HIM TO NOTICE ME MOAR!!1!1"
This doesn't have to be obvious and should be done with little meaningless things at first, in a very subtle way. Then make things escalate from there. Reverse the balance of power. You can be the most awesome kind nice gentleman she ever met... but only if she proves she deserves it. Which more often than not leads to attraction.
tl;dr: "Follow me, I'll flee you; Flee me, I'll follow you".
Dear OP: I understand how you feel about being a "gentleman" but the fact is, "old fashioned" raising wasn't about kissing women's asses. It was about respecting them and their needs and opinions but not asking for their approval at every turn.
I know, in this day and age, boys are raised to please women. More and more fathers are absent or deadbeats. Throughout school we're trained to please our teachers, who are almost exclusively women.
So to start your change in attitude, remember that your are NOT under any obligation to make a woman happy. Of course you should be respectful and courteous, but NOT a servant. Women like decision makers, they like men in control of themselves and their environment.
Regarding your current situation, here's how to handle it: When she mentions Chipotle, say "This Chipotle place sounds great! Why don't you invite me there some time?" If she doesn't catch the hint, tell her, "All right, all right, I'm not THAT dense, you want to go to Chipotle with me. How does (day) (time) sound?" When she mentions her ex-boyfriend again, say, "You're gonna have to drop that subject if you want another boyfriend, cause I haven't heard of ANY guy who likes hearing about ex-boyfriends." If she shuts up immediately about her ex, she's into you. If she doesn't, it means she doesn't care about pleasing you, which means she's not into you (or insecure, or crazy. Neither of these are good traits)
I don't think it's that easy to change your attitude
10 here...
Yeah you're right.
I have this problem, i can't take attitude towards girls.. That's why i considered 9 not being easy, maybe for others it is.
Girls don't twirl their hair around guys they don't like.
Take her to Chipotle, but NOT the way 9 suggests. It kind of hurts her pride. If she does end up treating you like a "servant", next time make sure you turn her down.
OP here:
Well I don't know how nervous I will be or how it is gonna work out, but I am just gonna ask her straight out if she would like to go to Chipotle's with me tommorrow. And try to follow some of what Number 7 said, as it sounds like the best thing to me so far.
She went to the beach with her best friend this weekend and sent me a text saying she was on her way back and had a great time. So maybe an already good mood will help lean towards a yes answer anyway haha
I will report back and most likely be asking more advice in the next day or two. But please continue with overall general advice about relationships cause I got no experience.
Thanks all.
I just love girl who twirl their hair.
My girlfriend's bff does it all the time while around me, does it mean she craves me?
Maybe she craves your girlfriend.
>>16 ahahaha
Dear op.
"Chipotle burrito bar" is a well known euphemism for a woman's vagina.
apparently not well known enough...
errrrrrrrr, you are "that guy!" congratulations, you have entered the "just friends" zone!
good luck anyway though.
OP Here:
So yea thanks for all the responses, but yea I have been friendzoned by her. Instead of letting this die though. How about you people give me some advice on how to avoid this in future situations? Kk thanks.
The friend zone is a surprise; you can't see it coming and you can't prevent. It sucks and it's a real killjoy, especially when every attempt you make ends up in the friend zone!! >< If you figure out how to get out, post it...I'm getting irritated with working hard for something and getting zilch in return.