Hey, /love/.
Does anyone here know what "limerence" is? Heh, the word isn't even in FireFox's dictionary.
If you are unfamiliar with what limerence is, I urge you to read this wiki page:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence
It's long, but intensely fascinating. And who knows... you may be a limerent and not even know it. That was my case. I've had all the symptoms of a limerent listed on that page all my life, and I honestly thought I was dangerously mentally unstable. I was very afraid that if I took my problems to a therapist or told my friends/family, I would be committed. And then one day while stumbling around on Wikipedia, I found that entry and my life was changed forever.
There's a name for it?, I remember thinking. Good God, other people have this problem too?! I'm not the only one! And as I continued through that article, so much of it rang true within me. I cried. All of these things I kept locked away in my head, all of these feelings I had been having for years that I thought were wrong and unhealthy. Sure, it's still technically a mental disorder of a sort, but just to know that I'm not the only one, just to know that there has been accredited scientific research done on the matter, just to know that it had a name; so much relief washed in.
I was stunned, and as I read more and more about it, I began to understand why I was this way. I didn't have to feel as scared or guilty about it as I used to. And I collected some tools to help myself sort this massive bramble of confusion and fear out.
I wonder, though, just how many people are aware of this "disorder." I found that page only a couple months ago myself. I'm in therapy right now over unrelated issues, and assumed that my therapist would be well versed in the subject. Unfortunately, and most surprisingly, he had never heard the word. I was actually too embarrassed to go into detail about it, and so I don't think I'll be getting anywhere as far as "treating" it or discussing it with him. I figure if my well trained and well informed therapist had no idea of what it was (he actually didn't know what origami was, either...wtf, then most average people have probably never heard of it, either. But it's quite possible that many may be affected by it just the same.
I am 22 this year (and for any clarification purposes, I am female) and the only sort of love I have ever known has been limerent love. I've never actually been in a relationship before though. The only sort of live I have ever known has also been an unrequited love. An extremely obsessive sort of affection that is so intense it consumes my every waking thought at times. Constantly, involuntarily thinking about them. Over analyzing every little thing they do. Wanting quite strongly to actually stalk them. Flying head first into depression at the slightest hint of rejection. Rocketing to an unhealthy level of happiness when they would react to me in a positive way. Sure, everyone is like that when they're in love, but for a limerent, each feeling and thought is an extreme. And it literally consumes your whole life. My longest lasting limerent object was a teacher in high school. That obsession lasted for three solid years, until I graduated and could no longer come into contact with him.
((>>1 continued))
My present limerent object has been so for about two years now. I became limerent of him from a distance at first. I was limerent for him for a full year before I actually initiated a conversation with him. Today we're great friends, and I'm pretty sure I've hidden my limerence well; he'd surely be creeped out if he knew just how obsessive (and possessive) of him I really am. This is also the closest I have ever been to my limerent object ever. Until him, I had never befriended my object or even gotten to know them very well. With him, though, things are actually moving along very, very well it seems. I want him so badly, but I fear that if/when I get him, my interest in him will wain as it does for most limerents.
Does anyone on /love/ have experience with this "condition"? Please let me know what you think of limerence regardless of whether you can relate to it or not. I'm quite interested in what other people may think.
Yes I found that article through Wikipedia Random Article link some day. It's amazing and I think everyone has this condition ya kno'.
I cried when halfway through it, the paragraph title read "The game" ;____;
I've also experienced limerance with a girl I knew about five years ago. We used to talk for the first year until I didn't have class with her anymore. Ever since then, I'd go to school everyday just to have a chance at seeing her.
Looking back now, I realize its kind of pathetic that I went through such a phase, because it was only high school, and I was fairly young and stupid. Now that I'm in a different university than my object of limerance, I'm beginning to have more fun, enjoying life and doing anything except thinking of her (which I still do occasionally when boredom strikes.) Note: I've never been in a relationship also.
So my advice to you is: unless you really like this new guy, you should go out and meet other guys, because you're still young. It should be easy since -assuming you're in post-secondary education- for you to do the above, just smile and laugh a lot, and guys will like to be around you. It works. ^_-