Ok so I met this girl, at an anime convention... (I know, I know)
The thing is we really hit it off in a big way, she lives really far away so we both went home feeling fuzzy and warm and we now talk to each other all the time online, all really great stuff.
Now here is the rub: I am 21 and she is 16, while this is not a legal issue we realised while planning a trip for me to come and visit her that there is no way I can lie to her parents about my age, I just can't do it. She has already told them I am 19. I have asked her to speak to her mother before I come and see her as I just can't be dishonest and I don't feel comfortable coming into their home and lying.
Worst that can happen is we are never allowed to see each other, which would really suck, the whole fact she lives with her parents is a total reality check... WTF DO I DOOOO?
TL;DR: 21 year old guy with 16 year old girl, will the parents murder me when they find out?
Tell them upfront and honestly, it was their daughter who lied to them not you. If they hold it against you than they're unreasonable. They CAN deny you access to their daughter but they could do that if they thought you were 19, seeing as how they didn't another 2 years shouldn't mess them up terribly. Explain everything, how you met their daughter, what your intentions are, everything. Be upfront and forthcoming and I seriously doubt they'll have problems with you.
If they do have problems with you I'm sorry to say that her family may not be the best for you to become involved with anyway.
Do u just want to f-ck and control her because she's young or Do you truly love and respect her? O_________o
OP here.
>>2 Thanks, good advice, she is telling her mother today, I think it is better she tells them herself before I come meet them, and I think / really hope she will understand...
>>3 The latter, I never intended it to happen, she made a move on me and it was amazing. I haven't been with a girl for ages and I haven't felt like this about anyone for many years. I am not the dominant male type, I want to care for her and protect her and for her to do the same for me...
>>5 thanks... waiting for the result has made today one of the worst days I have had in ages... I will post later when I find out what the verdict is... scared
You are the first guy I've heard of that is an adult that is actually talking to the parents. You have my absolute respect, even if they do not approve.
>>7 Well I am not talking to them directly yet, they know about me and agreed to let me come and stay (based on the fact I am 19). There is no way I can come into their home and lie face so I have asked her to tell them the truth and explain that I knew she lied and I just wasn't comfortable with that, which is the right thing to do... I think... I really hope they don't freak out, I really want to meet them and obviously I want to see where this relationship will go, cos their is something very significant going on between us, and whatever that maybe is pure awesome!
I really don't want to have to sneak around as I do not feel it will do the relationship any good...
Sorry, long post is long... bleh!
This is the girl.
(: It went really well, and my mum understood totally.
But we're going to still keep it from my father, who's a bit .. erh. He wouldn't think it was good. So my mum thinks it's alright. She's glad I told her and still thinks that he's a lovely guy. (which you can tell he is by just reading) I'm SO happy~ it's unbelievable.
>>9 Waaaaaaaaaaaaai! This is like the best news ever! So much drama and it all turned out fine, the moral here kids is don't lie, it just makes things complicated. The bit about your father is a little scary but right now I don't care, as we said if the mother is happy the father has to go along with it... I can't wait to come and see you!!! xXx
And thank you channel4 for making a very worrying time a little easier!
Well congratulations. I hope everything works out for you two for the best. Don't worry about your dad, my mom did the same sort of thing when we were young. If your mom feels it's for the best, go with it.
I am happy for you.
I'm a 22 year old girl and am involved with a guy twice my age. I was afraid of what my mother would think.
I talked about him a lot but didn't really go into detail. Then one day, she started asking questions.
"So, you guys work at the same place?"
"Yep. That's where we met. We realized we had some common interests in uncommon things, and became friends."
"[More Questions, and then...] So, what's he look like? Is he tall or short?"
"Tall. And incredibly thin."
"Does he wear glasses?"
"Yeah. <3"
"What color are his eyes?"
"Brown."
"What color is his hair?"
"Uhh, brown....with a little bit of gray..."
"What?"
"Uhh--"
"How old is he?"
"Ehh, forty-four...? Errr..."
"Ah."
And after a bit,
"Well, if it's meant to happen, then it's meant to happen."
And that was that. They have yet to meet as there's some geographical distance between my mother and I (and him), but I tell her about things we've done together and things he's said, and she seems to have warmed up to the idea of me dating someone her age because at the core of it all, there's absolutely no reason that age should matter (as long as everyone involved is truly mature enough to handle whatever level the relationship is at). In OP's case, the girl isn't quite what most people would consider an adult, but she's not exactly a child either, and the OP sincerely sounds as though he cares about her as a person, and she sounds like she feels just the same about him. That's healthy and good for both people involved.
I suppose my personal example is a bit of an extreme, but what I'm getting at is that as long both parties are genuine in caring about each other and as long as both parties are comfortable with the nature of the relationship, then age should be the last thing you worry about. If you connect on a mental and emotional level and really click, then to hell with the worthless numbers. I think what my mother meant when she spoke to me was that if it's love, it's love, and as long as it's really love, the little details really don't matter.
Anyway, hooray for OP and The Girl. And hooray for an understanding mother! Best of luck with the father. With "mom" on your side, though, you ought to be just fine. Yay.
Just a quick update: things seem to be going well, the father knows now and doesn't really approve but apparently he wouldn't approve no matter what my age... The mother is just basically taking the stance that it is none of his business and that seems to mean he has to deal with it. The question now is how do I make the father like me? I am pretty sure that once he meets me and realises i am not some random pervert it will be ok... I have a couple of weeks until I meet him.
Be yourself, laugh if you think something's funny, tilt your head if you think something's sad.
Just be like "whatever, I like this girl, and you're not getting in my way".
If you think the father is someone you could drink a beer or any alcoholic drink with and loosen him up so you can talk to him, go for it. It's a problem if you drink.
And why is it that people reacted to horribly to the thread where I stated I am with a 15 year old girl, but you get nothing but cheers? Sure, you're two years younger and she's a year older, but I don't see nearly as much poor advice here than in my thread. Probably my wording. Nothing against you, OP, as I'm cheering for you all the way.
>>15 I read your thread and I think the bad reaction is a simple matter of legality, perhaps, if your relationship is illegal you should, as an adult, hold back until it falls inline with the law...?
You're going to get buttraped in prison.
Oh great, now the idiots invade my thread... >>17 has a point though even if such simple English is used to express it. In the case of >>15 it IS a legal issue, in my case I am legally sound but there is a moral implication I have had to work through. No one should become involved in a relationship that could end up getting you thrown in jail, no girl is worth buttrape, right?
I think you are a perverted freak and should be in prison. Pervert!
Anyways... back on topic then... I think it should be pretty good going to see her family, both the mother and the older sister seem to like me so I think the father will warm to the idea in time.
I agree with >>14, I am not the kind of person who behaves falsely, although I may have to tone down my often nasty sense of humour... I would think the shouting of memes of making sarcastic jokes is probably not advisable...
>>15 yeah he drinks, I am thinking if I turn up with a nice bottle of wine that should loosen everyone up a bit.
We are not going to be allowed to share a bed, lol, so that will be annoying but we have all kinds of romantic outings planned so apart from that it will be perfect!
Well, I met my boyfriend when I was 15 and he 20 (now I'm 22 and he 27 <3) so I know what you are dealing with.
Be yourself is my best advice and make sure to tell the girl's father that you will protect her with your life, if necessary. Make him sure that he is putting his girl into the right hands.
And the wine it's not the best idea the first time you meet! Don't let him see you as the "alcoholic" type XD! Let the gift thing for the second time you see him, after you learn what kind of things he likes.
Good luck!
Sorry for my English x_x!
>21 year old guy with 16 year old girl, will the parents murder me when they find out?
no.her mom get naked and sucks ur young cock
You can't make her father like you, but if you can convince him that you are a reliable person you will have won the day. Most fathers are just concerned about their daughter's well being. Once convinced tht she will be fine he will be more relaxed about it.
Awww, this warms my sad little heart.
Just be friendly around the family, and show them you care about their daughter. A little bit of very casual PDA around them is okay - I'm talking about hand holding, sitting close to her on the couch, etc. If the dad wants to talk to you about her, tell him you think she's amazing, and that you'll be extra careful not to hurt her since she's so young. Just do your best to come off as a mature, likable person, and you'll be fine. The fact that you weren't willing to lie to them is already something in your favor.
Good luck, and keep us updated. I love a good love story.
OP here, and I learned 2 tripcode!
Just a quick update after the visit!
It went much better than I ever imagined, the mother really likes me, we had a really deep chat about my relationship with her daughter and she ended up hugging me and telling me I'm great! The father was fine with me too and I even managed to get the sister on my side.
Most importantly love is blooming between me and the girl, we spent the most amazing time together hugging, kissing, watching sunsets and talking endlessly. The main problem is she lives really far away (about 7 hours travel for me) and leaving her was very upsetting, the whole long distance thing is kinda hard but also pretty cool in some ways...
But anyway, if things continue to go this well I will probably just up sticks and move to her town.
We are going to stay together again in a couple of weeks so I don't have too long to wait before I get to see her again!
Oh and >>24 an amazing love story is unfolding as we speak, I will keep you guys posted, thanks for the support!
great to hear such good news, and best wishes for your relationship!
I'm happy for you but if i where you i would hurry up an move 2 her town because in my past experinces log distant relasion ships almost never work.
>>27 Waaaa! I am gonna move there as soon as I can, I can't say I know of many successful long distance relationships either... I am worried sometimes that it's all too good to be true and it might not work out, but even if I move to be with her and it goes wrong I can just come home again. I have nothing to lose and everything to gain!
good luck with your relationship :D
leave it alone friend.
take my word on this as a similar situation happened to me & it ended up horribly. (for a while it was very good though) i met a very hot young girl (she was the little sister of a girl who i was friends with, they were from a wealthy family & i was from a working class family so i was fascinated by the way they lived)
anyways i gave in to temptation & took the younger sister's virginity & started hanging out at their house. it went great for a year or so but then i realized (as you most likely will) that we were on very different levels in maturity & intellect. i'm sure, unless you are a very immature and stunted person you will want to do things that she's not ready for or can't (like anal sex or going to a bar)
so my advice is just look for a girl more your age & let the young girl go...
me again...
after thinking about this for a few moments i wold say go for it, these young girls need someone to introduce them into the world of blumkin's & jersey fishhooks. just don't get to attached to her & remember that if you let her down hard or fuck around on her she (or most likely her parents) will press statutory rape charges that will follow you around for the rest of your life...
>>30
That's only your experience, don't generalize it. I was in a similar situation as the OP and ended up marrying the girl.
It's nice to learn how it went for you, just don't assume that it means it will always be so.
4 months, 4 wonderful months and now it is over. The doubters and the cynics of this thread have won...
>>34
Don't worry, brother. Consider it a lesson learned, and now go forth and find someone better.
what?????
what happen OP???
I don't know what to say other than I've made a mistake.
I hope that I can explain myself.
You explained yourself perfectly, and despite being incredibly drunk I hope I made some sense too! Oh That Girl, how I love you so!
Wait what?! 0_o
This is getting interesting.
What happened?
You can't just leave us hanging like that after the 3 or 4 months of this thread being here.
Explain yourself OP! That Girl? Someone?
39 here
come on! Im new in this thread and it ends like this? Explain urself OP! =[
Haha, sorry for leaving you all hanging
We had an amazing 4 months but from some personal reasons I got a bit stressed and it all blew up. But I explained myself and now I think we're okay again?
Very much in love I believe and only a better relationship awaits for us both. (:
42 here!
whaaat? stressed why....?
>42 here!
Wha? I'm 42. Oh well, it's not like it matters.
Well, it looks like OP has disappeared. Maybe he can't face all the trolls who told him it wouldn't work? So That Girl, it looks like you have to be our bearer of bad news, why were you stressed and what blew up? Details please!
Ive just had some stress at home and the distance was getting to me a little. I started an argument and ended up saying some very harsh things. I ended up ending it and having the worst day of my life; that night I called him up and just said that I didn't mean it and explained myself.
He was veryy happy and so was I and we talked about our relationship. We've both agreed not to push eachother so much so now hopefully we'll both be happier for it.
Back together and very happy :)
well
it's now a happy ending rite?
AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER.
(except for Pauly Shore)
THE END.
I see, glad that got cleared up. And great to know you guys are back together.
( ﾟ -ﾟ) Don't let stupid things get in the way of a good relationship.
46 here
ahh i see.. but. how far can we trust That Girl? i wanna hear this from OP himself!
Sorry, OP here, and I think I remembered my tripcodes!
I have been absent from this thread and That Girl didn't tell me there was all this activity... She does speak truth, we had a long chat and came to the conclusion that we shall never speak of this breakup again and move on from here.
This is not so much a happy ending as a happy beginning, our relationship is still very young, but we are very much in love. We will just have to wait and see where it goes from here.
I will try not forget about his thread and keep you guys posted from now on, everyone enjoys a good love story, right?
Thanks for all you support guys!
Think i got my tripcodes the wrong way round...
Yep I did... got it sorted now, sorry for spam posting, just testing the trips... PS: I LOVE THAT GIRL!!!!!
Yeah, keep us posted. Good luck!
nice story...
i believe true love really exist after all...
Hello everyone. I always come back to this thread when things start to go wrong, I guess cos I know the girl reads this it means I can get it off my chest and know that she and all you guys will read it too.
She has told me she isn't sure if she loves me, she feels like she doesn't love me like I love her and she can't provide what I need. She has told me to back off a bit, but she still wants to have a physical relationship and still wants to see me.
She is coming down here tomorrow to stay with me, but as she told me all this last night I am all over the place as to what I should feel about this...
I know most guys are supposed to fear commitment and its the girls who push them, but with me and her it seems to be the other way round. Having a "fuck buddy" is a dream situation for most guys but I guess I am just not like that...
It just got alot worse. She fell out of her attic whilst getting a suitcase to pack and fractured her foot. This would have put a delay on seeing her but she then decided after coming back from the hospital to finish with me completely.
She said many of the same things as our last break up earlier in the thread but without the nastiness, just a cold sort of determination. It felt very final.
Our relationship has been cancelled on Facebook and I am left with a week off work I booked for her coming down in which I can contemplate my misery.
I don't know what to do or what to feel. I love her more than anything, but she does not love me the same. She tells me she does not want "this" meaning our relationship, and at 16 who can blame her for wanting out of a relationship with a 21 year old over emotional idiot like me?
So happy Friday the 13th 4-ch, and what a wonderful Valentine's tomorrow will be...
>>58
-hugs- well atleast you should know you're not the only one! D: I'm gonna be alone on valentines day too >__<
Happy Valentines
Why would you come in here and say that? According to you "it's just another day." The last thing I need is you pointing out to me what day it is today.
Right now I am angry, then sad and then feeling like we can be friends, then I get angry and sad again and feel like I can't even begin to imagine what I do next.
I know this board must be full of people alone this Valentines, so what do we do now?
I am gonna spend the day trying to get my head round what I do next, Happy Valentines everyone, including That Girl.
I just tried to speak to that girl, to explain what I have been feeling the last couple of days. I told her how low I have been and told her what I understand of what has happened between us.
Everything was fine until I mentioned that I wanted to come see her, in a couple of weeks when I get paid.
She freaked out saying "I don't want you too" over and over. I was saying "I just wanna walk and talk, get closure or whatever" when she said she "couldn't even stand the idea of me touching her right now."
I was shocked, "I don't wanna touch you" I said, all I want to do is talk to her, but that reaction was not what I was expecting. I tried to convince her but she ended up telling me "I sounded crazy." I don't get this, she ended things with me and I love her, of course I am going to want to see her and I am going to try to sort things out, right?. I am really worried now and pretty upset that she would say this, makes it sound like I have done something really bad doesn't it?
I have been asked to stop posting here. If the mods could delete this thread it would make things easier between me and that girl. Thanks.