The girl that I have a very casual relationship with is never free. She always has something to do, and it's never anything that has anything to do with me. I'm not being one of those clingy fucks. Our last date was a month ago, and we've spent all of two hours together since then, and half of that was just sitting there listening to someone else talk. Even though our relationship is very casual, I really like this girl, and I'd feel like a horrible person if I just started dating someone else, though it would probably take her a while to find out.
She's not going to have a lot of free time. That's just how it is. She's taking all of these gifted classes (even though she's not really gifted, just a bit smarter than average), and she's also in about six sports. I'm the exact opposite. Even though I score very high on preliminary college entrance exams, I'm just trying to relax and have fun in high school, because I recently escaped a very abusive situation in which I was not allowed to leave the house for anything but school (not even extra-curriculars).
There is someone else I'm interested in, and she is interested in me too. She's a foreign exchange student, so she's taking more relaxed courses than I am, and she's also decided to join several of the clubs that I'm in. She's pretty cool, and I wouldn't mind dating her.... BUT, whenever I flirt with her, I feel really guilty.
Advice, anyone?
Whatever you do, talk to the girl you're actually with first. Tell her the situation doesn't suit you, see if she wants to do something about it.
If she doesn't, then consider breaking up to be able to go with the other girl.
Break up with the girl first, because that's cheating.
And it'll make her feel really shitty after.
Be all honest with her. Say you like her, but need more time with her and don't want to pull her away from her for filling her full potential, so you think it'd be best just to end it, so you can both see other people.
Say you wanted to call it off before it got too serious, but you really do like her in that way (make that clear so she's not all "OMG NOO." teenage girl impression) and yeah, I think just carry on flirting gently, don't be all "You see the fire in my eyes? The fire of a thousand burning suns, My passion alight for your love!" or anything, it'll get weird.
Play it cool (;
yeah, what #3 said. You and the person you are dating are clearly not working out. Don't be dishonerable by chasing after the other girl while you still are with this one. Be honest, be kind, let her go and date the foreign cutie.
Your girl is not really interested in you. A good sign to see how interested a girl is, is her willingness to spend time with you and to sacrifice her time to do it. If she doesn't want to spend time with you, then she doesn't care about you. Drop her and go after the other girl.
>>3 is an idiot. Please, don't do this. It should never be your goal to make her feel "shitty" as he put it. Why should you? Because she wants to enjoy her clubs?
Are you guys really dating or did you just go on one or two dates? For a casual relationship, you are sounding pretty clingy. If it's casual then you guys can go out whenever it is convenient. Get it? It seems to me right she is more interested in clubs and friends right now than dating. So there.
>>6
This is >>1, and yes, I understand this. What I'm trying to get at, this is not what I want from a relationship. Well, actually, it is totally what I want from a relationship, but it is not what my friends want from a relationship. So while I want to hang out with my friends, they're now spending all of their time with their partners, so I'm sitting home, alone, naked, thinking too much about my current situation, and wanting to do something, and not being able to do something, and knowing someone that I could be doing something with, but not being able to do anything with her because I'm already not doing something with someone else.
But take yesterday, for example. Yesterday she had a meet. Those meets last a few hours. Ok, so being highly generous, let's say that all in all, she took five hours for the commute, the meet, and all of that. After that, there were a few hours, and then homecoming, which we mutually decided not to go to.... However, all of her friends went (I was with her and her friends when it was discussed, because I'm working on getting into the friendzone and out of the casual boyfriend zone). All of my friends also went. But we did not hang out. So what did I spend all yesterday doing? I was at home, alone, listening to music, and being depressed, and not eating or sleeping, and remembering doing the same thing a year ago, fantasizing about getting the hell out. I'm sure she had something more important to do, but... while we hadn't said "ok, let's do this and this, here, at x time", we had agreed to meet and hang out at least a week prior.
Anyway, I've tried making this as concise as possible, though I've lost a bunch of details which try and provide a stable basis for my point, therefore making me sound a little clingy, but that's ok... I'm going to give it a week and see how everything goes and what happens, gonna ask her about a few times for hanging out, and.... Wow, I'm really confused and losing my train of thought. Haven't slept for a few days, but I can't help that. Anyway, >>6, you sound like a bit of an asshole in a few of your statements, but I'm just assuming that you're trying to get a point through that you think I am missing that I am not. Gotta re-read everything once I've gotten to sleep, it probably sounds really shitty.