DEAR ONEITIS, (48)

1 Name: oneitis : 2008-10-21 17:54 ID:WjLNTzb3

I'm writing you this letter, because I want to move on and develop other crushes on other boys. I am tired of thinking only about you all the time.

I don't really want to touch you and hug you and kiss you and adore your neck and arms and awesome personality, I obviously am lying while writing this, but I must move on, even though I don't feel comfortable with this thought.

I feel so good in my thoughts and feelings about this ONE-IT-IS that it is very hard for me to just let go, even though there's no actual feelings left anymore. The feelings and thoughts have grown in me with in time and it feels like a bad habit, an obsession, which I want to let go, but don't know how and don't feel strong about wanting either.

If you suggest sexing 10 random people, then this will definitely not work, I've sort of tried to drop my thoughts about this ONE-IT-IS, but over the years the feelings always come back to me. They switch from happy to sad as from desirable to hate, but lately the feelings have just been hurting me, because I miss my ONE-IT-IS while wanting to forget about him all at the same time. Those feelings are switching from light to strong and right now when I'm typing this, they are strong.. some other day they are not even there. I guess when I'm feeling lonely i start thinking about this person and my emotional base (that i have tried to build up so desperately to forget about him, just collapses).

If you read this, then please let me go and make me not want you anymore.

Pretty desperate and messy, but I had to share this with someone. Any ideas how to stop wanting?

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-21 18:36 ID:8MFVNQEV

As you probably realize, you are not trying to forget someone, but an obsession that has grown inside you and which does not correspond to any real person anymore. It has simply become an escapist strategy that your mind uses as a shield to avoid moving on.

The best solution to your problem is to find someone real to love. And for that you need to see and feel that the world outside is much more full of wonder and emotion than your interior agonies. Basically do stuff, meet people, be curious about what's around you, go see what's beyond the places you know already.

And have fun doing it!

3 Name: oneitis : 2008-10-21 21:13 ID:WjLNTzb3

i can be ultra social if needed and i most of the time am. I'm all tired of this crap, i just want to be alone and not have any feelings.

Then again I want someone to luw and such, but I'm way too picky. It's easier to live in fantasies than real life.

I socialize and i have friends, but I've become very shy during past months and people annoy me most of the time. I dislike certain behaviour and people because of their looks/odor/voice/asymmetrical faces.

>>2 You are definitely right, my mind has sucked me in beep, but as i realized it, I'm trying to become better person and crawl out from there and get myself together, I just don't know..!
Sometimes i feel so lost, just like about right now..:(

4 Name: insanezero!VUNofZD8jM : 2008-10-21 22:08 ID:Lu1vJVBm

Life will never be as good as we want it to be. Crawl out of the hole you've created with your fantasies and accept reality as it is.

People are imperfect. You are imperfect, as evidenced by this desperately clingly behavior. Even that person that you're so hopelessly attached to has some imperfections of his own. If you can't look past some of those minor imperfections and accept people as they are, then you'll obviously never get anywhere. Compromise is the biggest factor in all relationships.

If you could've looked past your former bf's deficiencies, then you could do that for other people. Stop putting him on a pedestal and realize that he's just human, just like anybody else.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-21 22:37 ID:Heaven

Yeah, >>4 is right, but don't mistake love with an asshole who will you use and cheat / a bitch.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-21 22:44 ID:8MFVNQEV

>>3 your pickiness (and your nostalgia) are just symptoms of the general withdrawal you are experiencing.

There is nothing perfect in this world. And all the positive experiences you have experienced until now had their imperfections and blemishes. Still you enjoyed them, because simply the good stuff was touching you more than the bad stuff. Right now there's a lot of negativity in you, and you are more sensitive to the bad stuff than to the good stuff.

You are simply running away from reality into a dream world. You need to realize that reality, even with all its warts is more beautiful than your dreamland. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You cannot appreciate beauty with a rotten spirit. What you are fighting is not the outside reality, but your internal angst. When you start to perceive beauty in the outside world, you will start to heal. Maybe you should exercise it: try to find something really beautiful in the outside world. Check it in detail, see its warts and imperfections, and how they don't prevent you from loving it. Plants and nature are a good starting point. Preferably look for things outside of your home, so that you don't isolate yourself.

7 Name: insanezero!VUNofZD8jM : 2008-10-21 22:48 ID:Lu1vJVBm

>>5
An asshole isn't one to compromise, anyway. If a person isn't willing to sacrifice something, then they're not fit to be in a relationship. This also applies for those who are willing to give up their own individuality for someone else.

8 Name: oneitis : 2008-10-22 04:42 ID:WjLNTzb3

Little update:
The thing is that I'm acting all picky and weird with people who are as perfect looking as I prefer :( And I'm ultra shy with people who are pretty or who I would like to start knowing little better. Usually i avoid even eye contact and lose control over my face/emotions.

The good thing though is that as I'm extremely tired of this situation, I want and I as well will take actions against being all like this.

If something good/negative will happen, I will update, as writing things like this down, seems to be rather motivating!

Thank you for your great advice!

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-22 09:27 ID:wFmzNvvl

>>8 then good luck and keep us posted!

10 Name: vince : 2008-10-23 06:34 ID:PsbmQcj4

why not travel to a warm country and become white whore for dark men? it's what they crave and they are well tooled, so you will like them to. after a while you will die of hiv but in the meantime you had extreme fun. no need to worry we all die one day but dying in misery is worse. this is my suggestion. either have fun make yourself vulnerable and used, or make love to oneitis. your choice, be his bitch and you will see hes flaws and lack of power. you will want dark men in the end anyway. alternatively, learn indonesian.

11 Name: oneitis : 2008-10-23 13:03 ID:WjLNTzb3

>>10
WOW, strong assumptions. I would rather make love to my dearest oneitis than any darker man. My sexual preferences are more like the paler the better, btw,his flaws and lack of power = godlike man to me :P

Other than that, Ive eyed some hotties in the gym lately, but im too scared to talk to them, seems to be impossible to just start a talk, cuz they are too pretty.

"Hi.. (whispers) would you come to the cinema with me?" .. "WHAT? I didn't hear you.."

It means i would have to repeat myself, which is annoying and prolly makes me blush a lot. Don't think i want. Already knowing that i will start blushing is such a turnoff and makes me look either through them and secretly peek a pook wen they squat, so they wouldn't notice I've been creepily staring them!

I still want my oneitis :(

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-23 13:41 ID:wFmzNvvl

>>11
Actually, you seem to be doing better than I thought initially,... since you display some interest for other guys than your oneitis.

Actually I don't think you should mind so much your blushing. I don't think blushing is ugly, on the contrary. But of course, since blushing comes from personal embarrassment, it's never comfortable.

The fact that you don't dare to talk to people because they are too pretty shows that you fear rejection from the people who matter to you. This means: it's your internal problem, nothing related to your dear oneitis.

Personally, I always liked outgoing women. Why don't you just start talking with them? Don't make much out of it, simply establish a first contact, speak about the gym or whatever petty matter, and go on from there. You just want license to talk to them, so that should be easy to get from them.

13 Name: oneitis : 2008-10-23 14:00 ID:WjLNTzb3

>>12
I've smiled and looked away. And.. let me explain u a little..
I'm pretty much a regular in this gym, and as usually there's more regulars than just me. So those regulars who I've used to see in the gym for past several months, I've started to like. I mean they are all cool and awesome and pretty, and I like their bodies, specially butts, necks etc.

There's 2 guys who work out together all the time. And sometimes when i do some exercise they happen to be near me and I've been all pollite and asked "Do you use that?!" even though i know they don't, but its a good thing to ask beforehand. And last time they were messing with the dumbells and me with my calves, pretty much very close to each other, they started picking on each other and like "fake-fight" if you know what i mean. Usually they don't touch each other like this, but it looked like they just did it to get some attention. But as im shy like this, i tried to look all confident and just smiled and looked AWAY and did my stuff. (yes I didn't blush, phew)

The other time, i was running on treadmill and they came to walk on the right by me. And i could stare them from the mirror and all. Seems to me that the bigger guy has been looking at me as well, but I'm not 100% sure. So anyways i just blushed, and looked away as they came there, cuz i don't know what happend and why, it just happend. But then I thought by myself "I'm running, i can be red from the face and MAYBE they wont think its me being embarrassed about idk what.

Yesterday I went to see a concert and while i was all dressed up and my hair was done nice and i would say i looked PRETTY WELL/hot and the guys walked towards me on the street in the Old Town. I smiled again and looked away.

I hope next time i see them in the gym i will tell them "HI.. #blush blush#"

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-23 14:20 ID:wFmzNvvl

>I hope next time i see them in the gym i will tell them "HI.. #blush blush#"

Go for it! Don't just say Hi, ask them what's their training, how regularly do they come, what are their fitness goals, do they have a coach, how did they get into it, do they do other kinds of sports, the merits of this versus that machine/technique/food/training/whathaveyou.

Just talk them to death and extract info on them in the process ^_^

15 Name: oneitis : 2008-10-23 14:25 ID:WjLNTzb3

>>14

OMG!!! you can't imagine how much i want. But every time i see them guys, my mind is all B L A N K and i don't have any questions. I can easily answer to YES & NO questions and never lie or look seductive .. i just stare creepily and be like.. "Umm.. ok.. yes.. eh.. okay.. No.. ?!!! ??" You know?!! :(
I'm such a loser :(

I was actually thinking of asking them to teach me how to squat properly and asking them some advice how i could blend squating into my routine, but I don't want to look like attention-whoring around them. It's sooo complicated :3

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-23 14:32 ID:wFmzNvvl

asking them to help you is a great idea.

>I don't want to look like attention-whoring around them.

That's why asking questions about them is a good strategy. You don't seem to force their attention on you (since they are speaking about themselves), but actually they are speaking TO YOU, which is what you want. Let's call it safe attention whoring ^_^ Besides, people usually like to talk about themselves, and happily oblige.

As for your mind going blank, just prepare your stuff beforehand. Have your questions ready, and then just go for it and embrace the conversation. Ask open questions (those that can't be answered just by yes or no), and never simply answer yes or no, add something that forces people to react to you : "yes, and how about you", etc.

17 Name: oneitis : 2008-10-23 15:09 ID:WjLNTzb3

>>16
you are so cute, thank you! :)
I hope that tomorrow when I'm going to the gym, i can start with simple "Hi, how is it going?!" and see what will happen. I think it's better to go rather slowly than hurry into it.

Not long time ago there was one d00d who basically shoot in with random questions when i was doing my cardio and i gave him my phone number so he would just get the fuck away from me. He looked old, ugly, too tall, balding, floppy face. He sounded on the phone like a real molester, all super confident and stuff. Phew, but i got rid of him, and i always lul secretly when i see him in the gym. I even skipped gym once cuz i was too afraid of seeing him there.. but these guys who I like, I would really like to know them better, because they seem to be cool and cozy :)

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-23 15:24 ID:wFmzNvvl

>>17 great Oneitis, let us know how you are faring!

19 Name: oneitis : 2008-10-24 06:45 ID:WjLNTzb3

Little update before going to the gym today..

Right now I'm feeling myself little more confident as usually. I'm not ready to go yet, but i basically have everything planned out. I figured as well that I'd prefer to be/stay friends with my current oneitis, i think the key is behind friendship. Seems to me that I don't want to sex him madly as much I just want to care about him and be in good relationships with him. But oh well, he probably is thinking differently. In fact, i think he simply hates me, but its ok, as I'm trying to throw him out from my head, even though i know it's impossible and i will always remember him as a kind and very awesome person. I will always love him in my memories. Other than that.. oh god, i want to be his FRIEND SO BADLY!!!!

I figured I'm more confident while wearing make up, so my blushing wouldnt be shown as much as usually. I'm not planning looking all white from face and make my cheeks ultra red with blush, but I will be using little makeup, as natural as possible and as thick as needed to hide the blushing!

Ok today, I'm planning going to the gym at the same time when the guys usually train, around 12.00 so when i see them, i will probably be near them at any point or we will hopefully pass each other, so i could simply ask.. "Hello, How is it going?" and then see what will happen next. maybe i will be able to get over my first shock and act all cool around those sexy butts and talk little further, as so, u got plans for Friday night?! (but they seem like hard trainers, so I'm not really sure how they party or anything.. ). Maybe the talk will go to training and i could be all like.. ".. yeah.. " oh well, we'll see!!

OK this is about it for right now, i will update later when i get back to then report how it went and how much i failed and was it all worth the effort or not.

I will try to smile more, i promise!

20 Name: oneitis : 2008-10-24 14:50 ID:WjLNTzb3

Hello guise..
I failed :(

I was working out little too hard and started feeling dizzy + got them stars all around my head and i sort of freaked out a little. So instead of talking to the boys, i just simply stared them with blank eyes, and stared their butts and tried to avoid the eye contact and .. it was such a fail and i feel so sorry :(

I was thinking i should talk to them tomorrow when i see them in the gym and be like.. "guise, i tried to call you out yesterday, but .. im too shy.. so .. i didnt.. what yer doing next friday? wanna go out?"

The cute thing is that when i was doing my cardio, and the bigger guy (such a cutie) was looking at me a little from the mirror. But me, such a shyness, turned away my head and was scared of looking back, even though i noticed he looked at me and he prolly noticed i looked at him as well.

Later when i was doing my lower back and started feeling ultra busy and out of space for some reason, they were doing their arms and i just stared blank to their butts and bodies. And then they, big guys, giggled sort of. For a while it looked like they noticed i simply eyed them and laughed at me. I will see if i will be doing any better tomorrow, right now I feel myself like shit, because i didn't dare to open my mouth and speak.. its not that its so hard to say "hello, how's training going?!"
Just dots for tonight, this is it..

21 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-24 23:06 ID:7CIeB7Sb

Hey Oneitis,
It's great that you are reporting on your progress! Don't worry if you failed this time to make contact with them, if it was easy there wouldn't be an issue in the first place, isn't it? Since you are seeing them today, and you think they noticed your efforts to talk to them, I think it's a great idea to play with that

>"guise, i tried to call you out yesterday, but .. im too shy.. so .. i didnt.. what yer doing next friday? wanna go out?"

Sounds good, but why not "Hi guys, yesterday I tried hard to talk to you, but in the end I was too shy...smile So... I'm Oneitis, what's your name?", and proceed from there talking about their activity at the gym, and whatever the conversation goes into. And if you manage to arrange an outing, even better, but it's not required.

I think the trick is to get started. Just do like when you throw yourself in the water from high places. Stop thinking, throw yourself, and then you have no choice but to go on. In this case, stop thinking, say "Hi, guys", and you are set, no coming back. Stop thinking/say "Hi guys"/you're off.

Let us know how it went!

22 Name: oneitis : 2008-10-25 09:27 ID:u3aQXey/

>>21 you are absolutely right! Its little more complicated though. As it doesn't feel right to just go there and talk to them. Today I feel less confident than usually and im planning going to the gym again today later, hopefully i will see them again and actually talk to them :( makes me sad to realize what a chicken i have become.

What im mainly afraid of, is that they just laugh at my back/at me and not think the way i would like to. But i will try to PUT MORE MAKEUP ON AND GO FOR IT TODAY!

I like it though how this guy looks/peeks at me a little. But, like to stare back, im too afraid and i will automatically look away and be ultra shy/blank..

If i will see them there today, I W I L L talk to them,even though i will look goofy/creepy/strange/weird/lol-worthy

23 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-25 10:13 ID:7CIeB7Sb

Good luck for you Oneitis!

Just one comment though: take it easy with the make up:

  • I don't know anything about make up, but having loads of make up and sweating because of physical exercise seems to me a recipe for disaster.
  • The more make up you put, the bigger the mistakes you can make. Keep it light so that they notice YOU and not your make up, for the wrong reasons.
  • Don't get them used to seeing you with lots of make up, otherwise you won't be able to tone it down later. Better to start with a level you would be comfortably having on a routine basis.

Let us know how it went!

24 Name: oneitis : 2008-10-25 10:46 ID:u3aQXey/

>>23

yes i know.. but im trying to make it as natural as possible to hide my blushing :( But I've noticed that when i blush, nothing can hide/cover it.. goddamn..

I will update after the gym.
Thank you so much!

25 Name: oneitis : 2008-10-25 17:14 ID:u3aQXey/

update:

They were not there today, I will try again tomorrow morning.. :/

26 Name: 43 : 2008-10-25 19:45 ID:eAEfqUHK

>>25

Use the 3 second rule, you'll be fine

27 Name: oneitis : 2008-10-26 21:27 ID:WjLNTzb3

update:

They were not there today, I will try again tomorrow.. :/

I'm thinking less of my actual onetis, which is a good. I'm afraid that i will be replacing one oneitis with another one. I hope it wont happen! Thanks guise! I will update tomorrow again!

28 Name: oneitis : 2008-10-27 18:28 ID:WjLNTzb3

update:
Failed today. I was so close to him, so close of speaking up and smiling, but the situation wasn't just right. I guess the place was correct, but the timing was oh so wrong.

I was doing my biceps and staring him between my reps, he noticed and talked to his friend and giggles something. Feels like he's talking about me to his friends something like "This is the girl who stares me creepily all the time, kekek.. " and im like.. "oh dear"

Later when i was even closer to him, doing my thing, he saw someone he had not seen for long time, and he just looked trough me and talked to him instead, so it felt really wrong to shoot in with any talk.

Im waiting for next time to go in again and finally do it. I hope one day timing will be perfect and i can actually take some actions!

29 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-27 18:37 ID:T8ASHTA3

don't worry about it, let's see how it goes next time. If it still does not work, then you'll have to review your strategy,... good luck!

30 Name: oneitis : 2008-10-30 18:45 ID:WjLNTzb3

few extra days of failing.. I didn't see him past 2 days. I guess we were in at different times.
Trying again tomorrow and then after tomorrow.. and then forgetting about it.

btw, right now i have no feelings towards my oneitis! (i guess its a good thing)

31 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-30 19:15 ID:Vjo0vtGU

Well,... you'll end up meeting him again, so this time don't waste your chance ^^

32 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-31 02:15 ID:IGGHs334

You know...instead of talking to him, if it's so difficult for you, why not just write him a note?

33 Name: oneitis : 2008-11-05 18:27 ID:u3aQXey/

hello, just wanted to let you know that the reason why i havent been posting about the "progress" is the simple fact that i havent seen him in the gym lately. Ive been in at other times :((((

34 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-11-05 22:24 ID:Heaven

>>33
That's a pity, but keep us posted!

35 Name: oneitis : 2008-11-22 08:02 ID:u3aQXey/

It has been long time since I last time updated.
Well lets be honest, I sort of lost interest in the big guys and now i just don't want to call them out anymore. Maybe i will start talking to them next week as to ask some advice about squatting, etc. I don't want them to look at my body and get any kinky ideas, so im not really sure if this is a wise idea. But as I have nothing to lose, i could just as well have some fun. Oh well, we'll see about that.

I met one cute Japanese man in there though.
I mean we have seen each other on every Thursday morning so far, because for some reason we attend to train at the same time.

So this Thursday we shacked hands and introduced each other, then did some workouts for the abs. And he said he's from Japan and I told him to try the dragon flags for the abs as its the stuff Bruce Lee did. And he said "you know that Bruce Lee ain't from Japan, right?" I was like.. "right.. but you should still try them, they are good.."

But as I am a quite weak girl, i obviously cant do them, so i was trying to show him how to do them, but simply failed a little. Idk why, but he tried to do them anyways, its was cool.

He's very friendly and its easy to talk to him. After a little chit-chatting he asked when am i usually going in for training and such. Well i will try to hit the gym more when he's in as well. So we could maybe get to know each other a little more and it would be fun to have some fun even outside.

Thanks guise for the support, I appreciate it and I'm happy about how the things have turned out right now!

36 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-11-22 16:19 ID:7CIeB7Sb

Hey Oneitis,
Nice to hear news from you! The BruceLee-kun story looks promising, do let us know how you both fare in the next weeks ^^

37 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-11-23 09:34 ID:Heaven

GYM-OTOKO

38 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-11-23 18:58 ID:Heaven

wtf

39 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-11-27 11:35 ID:WjLNTzb3

Update:
Today me and the Japanese guy talked a little. God, im socially pretty much retarded i would say. I had nothing to say, but felt free enough to ask about his pets and such. Anyways he was guiding the conversation pretty well and asked my number etc and wanted to go out with me on Saturday. Apparently I'm working on Saturday night, so it means i must skip it this time.

He's so fine, its so easy to talk to him and i hope to have some good time with him in the future :)

thanks guise, gym-otaku out (lol)

40 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-12-01 09:42 ID:JUTUmsqX

good luck gym-otaku, you've already won your freedom!

41 Name: oneitis : 2008-12-13 10:13 ID:WjLNTzb3

kissed and bite the japanese guy today.. he has kids though!!

42 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-12-14 10:03 ID:ZSu5WhZV

>>41

Things are indeed progressing. Are kids a showstopper? And does he actually have a wife?

43 Name: oneitis : 2008-12-14 17:18 ID:WjLNTzb3

>>42 hai, we talked about it in the bar as well i think, but i don't really remember what is the deal with his waifu and all. But kids are so tiny, both sons less than 5.. Yes, its a show stopper! but I'd love to be friends with him. he's not only cutie, but hella hella hottie too :P (yes want.. )

44 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-12-14 23:30 ID:w6Btlh72

>>43
Looks like you earned yourself a friend within the fuckbuddy range ^_^'

45 Name: oneitis : 2009-01-25 13:51 ID:u3aQXey/

Over the time things have changed. Me and jap is no go anymore. Im happy it went like this. I dont have any desires or needs or anything about him. So i guess, i just liked his looks, that's all.

The real reason why im pumpin' this thread, is cuz i FINALLY said HELLO to the big guise!!

So today was a very good day :) im proud of myself sort of..

I was walking to work from the gym when the big guise came towards me (they were going to the gym when i was leaving, right) and as soon as i saw them i think i blushed and my heart rate fastened up and well, i got all excited over so simple thing. Anyways I was thinking to myself "Now or never!! You can do it! OMg, it cant be that hard to say HELLO, can it now?!"
so when the distance bwteen was proper, i said "HELLO" and got smile and responde back. But i looked down and became shy and smiled a bit and didnt look back. Well i know tomorrow will happen so that i will meet them in the gym again. SO i guess as i stepped over my shadow once again i will be strong enough to talk to them!
I dont think saying hello will be a problem anymore, because i sense that not saying hi would make me look rude and i want to be cuddly smiling, girl right? I mean i know i want to, so i decided its time to stop starying creepily and just become cuter!
Thanks for your support people, i love you all!

46 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-01-25 14:43 ID:wFmzNvvl

>not saying hi would make me look rude

Exactly, you have to pull yourself over the bump, and then it should be much easier.

Good luck for tomorrow!

47 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-01-26 17:20 ID:gtbZcCLV

AHAHAHA /LOVE/!
I frikken beat the fear of talking to the big guise!
Today i talked to them and asked questions about their training and stuff too. One is more talkactive than the bigger guy (i like the bigger one better, cuz he has so nice face and nose) but doesnt matter. I guess i got over the fear of talking to them cuz i actually dont have any feelings involved anymore. So hopefully i will stop pumpin' this thread and give it a go!
I know thet think im a weirdo or something, but doesnt really matter, cuz i dont care at all!! :)
Thanks /love/ once again! i think im as well free of my oneitis obsession and god it feels good to actually know for a while where you are standing at.

48 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-01-26 18:05 ID:Heaven

Well done ^_^

It was nice to have you around here, and best wishes for your romantic endeavors

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