why not travel to a warm country and become white whore for dark men? it's what they crave and they are well tooled, so you will like them to. after a while you will die of hiv but in the meantime you had extreme fun. no need to worry we all die one day but dying in misery is worse. this is my suggestion. either have fun make yourself vulnerable and used, or make love to oneitis. your choice, be his bitch and you will see hes flaws and lack of power. you will want dark men in the end anyway. alternatively, learn indonesian.