Confidence (15)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-29 23:41 ID:H9ybaCoQ

I always hear that the secret to having girls interested in you is confidence. So, how do I get some/fake some confidence?
I don't even have enough confidence (or social skills :|) to start a conversation with a girl I think is cute.

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-29 23:59 ID:gVIGBzyQ

be yourself.. faking out is not gonna work forever.

don't talk to someone as though as you are longing for her or you will scare her.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-30 00:53 ID:gXXo6Xz6

You gain confidence by training your social skills,... go out more often and socialize

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-30 03:19 ID:mDYOk+h/

I'm some other guy But what if you suck in social situations even in ones that interest you. people avoid you and it's painful to put yourself in them. I can't be myself I don't know who I am I'm different in every situation I just mimic those around me which I find disgusting so I just keep silent. Sorry if I'm not helping but I'm afraid I want to know how to gain this courage this confidence too

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-30 12:09 ID:q+HGZb5e

>>4
Things would be easier for you if you mixed with people who share your values or centers of interest. If there is something you are passionate about, then it's something you can share with others.

6 Name: reluctantguy : 2008-10-30 19:30 ID:yqoc2u3t

I can tell you that there is no way to fake confidence (at least, most ppl will see through your bullshit)

Some nice advice I heard is to do one scary thing every day. The scarier it is the more confidence you gain.

there's a hundred things you can do, but here's a couple:

-photograph random strangers in public while they're looking at you (if they get angry offer them your business card)

-draw people in the park or cafe (maybe start out with trees and birds and work your way up to real people)

-if you're still too shy to go outside, you can even record yourself doing a stupid skit on a webcam and force yourself to watch yourself afterwards (this is pretty effective, actually)

you don't even need any friends to do something like this, and the more of a fool you make of yourself, that's actually better for your confidence

7 Name: E : 2008-10-30 20:55 ID:aGL9HJWZ

As a girl, I think it's kind of funny how guys pretty much always give other guys the general advice of "Make it seem like you're not THAT interested, it'll scare her."

With most girls, this is just not true.
Don't be afraid to show her you're interested. Most people love the feeling of being wanted. A basic thing that doesn't require THAT much confidence is just glancing at her from time to time. And for the love of god, glance at her face, not her body. Glance long enough for her to notice you're doing it. If you want to seem very confident, smile at her when she looks at you, or avert your eyes and pretend you weren't looking if you're more shy.
Chances are she will smile back. And even if she doesn't, she'll know you're interested. This is a neat little trick for gaining a girl's attention without saying anything. Other ways is helping her if she asks someone a question and that person can't answer, or picking up something she accidentally dropped for her.

After a while, if you're lucky, SHE might talk to YOU.
And if she doesn't, just strike up a conversation with something simple. If she's in your school or workplace, ask about something that she'll be comfortable answering. Like the latest math homework or how to make copies with the photocopier.
And don't be afraid to seem a little shy or nervous, it's okay. And I can honestly say that alot of girls find it to be rather charming. If she seems to want to end the conversation, play along and walk away. She'll find it is easy and feels safe to talk to you when you pick up on the hints.

In time, you'll gain confidence. People will tell you time after time that it's okay and it's not that bad, but since I have been - and still am to some extent- a shy person, I know this doesn't help at all. You just have to learn from experience. No one gets confident over a day, don't worry.

But this is just some advice to get some personal contact with the girl you like, not to get confident. But as I said, in time, it'll work out fine. You often get even more nervous and shy because you're worried you'll SEEM nervous and shy. Just take a few deep breaths and relax your shoulders. She's human, just like you (She IS human...right?). You want to talk to her. Would you be freaked out if a guy like you walked up and talked to you? If not, why would SHE be?

Oh, btw, that about girls liking confidence. Sure, confidence is nice, but not when guys are SO confident they seem just fine with acting like arrogant assholes. Having a guy walk up to you thinking he's freaking Don Juan is just fucking tiresome
Confidence is not at all any kind of guarantee that a girl will like you.

Best wishes, E

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-30 21:16 ID:e8adXau1

The way I boosted my confidence is that I found a skill/talent I had that no one else possessed. From there I walked around looking at other people and was like "I got you beat on this" from there I started to notice how unique I was and how noone has anything on me. Arrogance kind of did help too, but I grew out of that. But now I know that I have worth and value that someone else is envious of. And when they make it clear they are hating, my ego is boosted even more.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-30 21:59 ID:jJNPGSUg

>>7
Sounds like pretty good advice ^^

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-30 22:58 ID:/wyQnj0z

>>8

What kind of talent?..

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-31 09:23 ID:H2r7UfV2

>>7 Yes, E is right at everything. Not long time ago there was this weird ultra confident guy walking up to me in the gym. I gave him my phone number on the treadmill to just get rid of him. He was way too confident/arrogant according to his looks and the way he was talking seemed to be just a brutal mental molesting. Anyways we talked few times on the phone and he acted like if i didn't do things as he wanted i would have got beaten up next time we meet again. Which was kind of psycho-scaring. I even avoided going to the gym because of him. As he wanted/tried to force me squat with him. Right now it might sound ridiculous, but at the time it was rather creepy.

But dear OP! Whatever you do, don't push yourself over her! Leave her some space to breath!

12 Name: 8 : 2008-10-31 10:12 ID:e8adXau1

I'm musically gifted. Any instrument I pick up I can play. In college almost every guy can play the guitar. I can play guitar (and bass), drums, piano, trombone, etc. That is something not a lot of people can say.

Just that thought in my head, boosted my confidence. And once I got started it was a snowball effect really.

And there is a difference between cocky and confident. I am confident, I walk proudly with my head held up high. But at the same time I am not going around telling people how much better than I am, and I am not going to girls on treadmills trying to impress them. I say what I have to say and if you like it then great, if not, oh well that is life.

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-31 10:35 ID:H2r7UfV2

>>12

heheh thats nice!
i wish i could say im talented as well. all i can do is stuff with yarns.. ;_; which is boring

14 Name: HaloMonkey08 : 2008-11-02 09:52 ID:azsnFlWx

here's a fact: DON'T FAKE THE CONFIDENCE. Even if you land the girl, she'll find out your faults and think you're a fraud.

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-11-02 10:44 ID:DRG4NHJs

>>14

That's true. I know a lot of guys that pretend to be a certain way but they're not and the girl (myself as well) are completely turned off when they find out that it's a lie.

It's like what if you found out your girl was pretending to be some innocent nice person but deep down she cheats and lies. =O

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