I really don't know why I'm starting this thread, but one thing is for sure... I need help!
I'm a 19 years old going on 20 next month and seeing that my teenage years are ending I also see how long I've been without a girlfriend... Generally I'm your average nice guy, you know the friend you rely on to pick you up when you're stuck in the street even if they're asleep. The friend who'd lend you their last few dollars for food because you haven't eaten all day... Yet my experience with girls and my female friends often make me think that they're always out to get with the bad boy. I know that can't be true, but it always makes me wonder.
Every attempt I had with another girl has been a total failure! I mean sheesh, cut me some slack haha, but still! I'm so clueless with women to the point I could come off as completely unattractive.
I'm a closet otaku, I'll admit it.. I'd rather spend the day watching anime, playing games, practicing martial arts, or watching dramas (one that inspired me to seek help through these methods too, but will remain nameless ^_^). So my social skills are pretty low. I come off as shy, and can't get how I feel out in the open all the time... I'm like a turtle that rarely comes out of their shell.
To tell the truth, I think I've been heartbroken so much by girls that I'm not really trying anymore... It just seems like that every time I try for a girl, I get the worst possible situation... I let them fall for another guy... I let them move to another country... Or I end up friend zoned...
I really want to change myself... and now I'm turning to you my readers... please, I beg you, if you have the time and compassion to, advise me...
Simple: you lack experience and social skills. Like anything (for instance martial arts), practice makes perfect. So just invest some of your time building up a social circle. Use your centers of interest as guides to meet new people. Not to go out immediately with some girl, but to really have a social network that will help you get better at socializing, and will also provide you with opportunities.
Basically make a conscious effort to meet people with whom you have interests to share, and are likely to have fun with,...
thanks for the advice, I'll post something if and when something amazing happens
Step 1: Stop trying.
Step 2: Start having fun.
Step 3: Profit.
Step 1: Stop trying. [Check]
Step 2: Start having fun. [Check]
Step 3: Profit. [check see step2]
Although i have no SO, i don't care. There is much more in life than a temp."love". I love art, which is stable in my life and will always be there. I'm happy with this, and hey if some girl comes into my life,why not? I will go with the flow, nothing lasts forever so NEVER put your hopes into something that can disappear at any moment.
Step 1: Stop trying.
Step 2: Start having fun.
Step 3: Profit.
Well I tried all that for a while, but nothing happened. The way things are going it seems like if I don't try nothing is going to happen, and for a year or so now it hasn't. I was having fun, but I things were a little off.
Step 1: Stop trying. (I did, I hung out with friends boy and girl without even thinking about getting together with a girl. Didn't do anything to imply it either. I was having fun, but it never came)
Step 2: Start having fun. (Like it said above, having fun, socializing, and learning new things. It wasn't force, but still nothing)
Step 3: Profit. (Whats this supposed to mean? More friends? yeah, I got closer to all sorts of people, but nothing more than friends)
Right now it feels like what I'm doing right now, not worrying and just enjoying the moment just isn't getting me anywhere. Its easy to say don't worry about it, but when it comes down to seeing that all your "progress" wasn't doing anything makes me feel really pathetic. I've never been approached or given signs at all or atleast I think I didn't. Just continuing on not trying and just having fun is like playing a videogame just for the storyline. Sure you get the basics, but you miss all the great things in it
>>8 well since you are an average player and you need to get those extras in the game, Cheat a little by getting a guide(self help books) and try to change your environment, go clubbing, maybe online date sites, go to anime conventions, whatever.
goodluck
Thanks for the advice, I'll try to get out there more
I can honestly say that I was in the very same situation no more than half a year ago. Not that I'm tooting my own horn, but I'd like to call myself a nice guy, too. Same deal: 20-year old otaku (however not in-the-closet) who would rather play video games or throw a couple kicks or practice poomse than try my luck with ladyfolk.
When I realized this back then, I asked a pretty similar question to another board about relationships and how to actually get them to work. What I got was something along the lines of this:
"Be confident. If you're not confident, FAKE IT. Just fake it. Feign confidence through the skin of your teeth."
I tried it. Hell, I went for the award for King Swaggercock. I started acting like I was the proverbial "shit" to everyone I met. For example, as opposed to a quick glance-and-nod or a slightly more personal "Hello", I'd start making conversation with people in the elevator about stupid stuff like the weather or something funny that the person who just got off said while they were on their phone.
At first, it seemed like I was lying to myself more than anything. Now that I look back at it, of course it was natural to feel that way. Stepping outside one's comfort zone is always like that. But I noticed something. Whenever I "acted" like that, people tended to feel more at ease with me - in particular, females. Sure, the tendency of looking to the bottom-left corner of your feet will still be there; hell, it's still there for me. But try this:
F - "How's it going?"
You - "Not too bad on my end, just came from...so, how bout you?"
etc.
3. The more you talk about random stuff, the more you'll feel comfortable finding out about who they are, where they're from, what they like, etc.
Give that a try. You say you're shy, so those tendencies will occur. When they do, just think "Aw, fuggit.". Seriously. The most she'll think is that you had an awkward conversation. But hey, at least you have broken ice on your side now.
Will do, I'll try to start off with friends then work my way up to random strangers haha. You guys are awesome
>>12
Actually, it's easier with totally random strangers you're unlikely to ever see again.
Go someplace you're not used to (ie another city near where you live, and just go to someplace you're highly likely to meet people. A good example is: go to the mall and find someone who seems to take his/her time (don't approach mall-drones who know exactly what they're doing or people in a hurry, talking to you is probably the LAST thing they want to do). Pick up something near them, and just start the conversation - examples? "have you ever tried these? how does it taste? so you like that? etc." or "oh man, those prices keep rising... etc" amongst so many others.
Or just walk randomly in a park and talk to people there.
Seriously - if you know these people will never see you again, and you won't have to face them if you ever were to fumble or be awkward, will relieve you from pressure and help build that confidence. Plus, and most important: they DO NOT know you, you come with no prejudice. Appear as confident (even if you fake it as someone said earlier) and people will believe you are. They might even think you're a cocky bastard if you overdo it - but think about it, that means you've succeded at hiding your shyness, so you're making PROGRESS.
Good luck man. It's a long trip.
Wow, great advice guys. I'll definetely go out and try this during the weekend or the next and I'll post up the results. Fail or success at least I'm trying my best right!? LETS DO THIS!