The girl I love is going out with a guy. (18)

1 Name: Akagi : 2008-12-23 10:00 ID:sFx/pmzM

Heres the story.

I fell in love with this girl last year, took 6 months to grow the balls to tell her, and she rejects me. I baw'd for a while, but still talked to her everyday through an IM client. So during the next 6 months i've become her most trusted friend, she's told me every secret she's ever had etc....

I still love her very much.

She told me yesterday that she is going on a date with a guy she barely knows and has a reputation to be a playboy. I'm pretty sure she thinks i'm over her.

To make matters worse (?) she is nervous about going, so another female friend of hers suggested going on a double date, and wants me to be her date. This friend has recently started to show interest in me.

Advice please?

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-12-23 10:28 ID:atOU/rQ+

"Man up or shut up" would be my troll response.

At the very least, show some concern for your friend (she's not your girlfriend, she's a friend) on the playboy issue if you haven't already.

On the date, if you really don't have anything important to do, go. It won't hurt. Otherwise, ask another Anon as my reason for giving that answer is just to be nosy.

Also, define the Other Female Friend's "showing interest" as it would help.

I'm just bored, as there's nothing to do at 2:30 AM but read and type.

3 Name: Akagi : 2008-12-23 10:32 ID:sFx/pmzM

The other female's 'interest'

I take it as interest, she said that she slipped me a love potion and was waiting for it to take effect, I tell her I can't cook then she makes a commment to the effect of 'if you had a girlfriend she could cook for you. Later in the conversation she expressed her desire to cook for me. She also said she wanted a 'winter fling' with someone.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-12-23 11:38 ID:atOU/rQ+

Mmmm... Well, if you're stuck in friend zone, it won't hurt either way. As long as you're cautious as to how to go about things. Again, ask another Anon and I'll lurk.

vericode: boyffness

3:30 AM, and my hands are cold -.-;

5 Name: Akagi : 2008-12-23 11:44 ID:sFx/pmzM

any other anons willing to halp?

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-12-23 12:34 ID:V/9OzYTO

The problem is that you are behaving hypocritically. You maintain a friendship with her because you still have a love interest on her, but you don't actually make a move on her, because you failed in the past.

The problem is within you, and it's up to you to solve it. Either you actually try again to seduce her, and risk failure (or success), or then you really give up hope of going out with her. If you take the second option, you should probably think on whether you would really like to have a friendship relation with this woman, or if in the end friendship will always be a cover.

I think your best option is to forget about her (as a love interest), and get yourself a girlfriend that you are interested in. You could give this other person a chance, unless you are positively convinced that there's no chance it would work out. And if maintaining contact your "friend" is preventing you from getting into a relationship with other women, you should consider creating some distance between both of you, at least for a while.

7 Name: Akagi : 2008-12-23 16:25 ID:sFx/pmzM

Believe me, i've tried to get over her. I've stopped talking to her for a month or so to distance us...

But after all that, I still can't get over her. I thought I was over her at one point, until she expressed she liked this (other) guy.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-12-23 17:07 ID:V/9OzYTO

>>7 get another gf, that's all there is to it. And spend more time away from her, as long as your infatuation persists.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-12-24 00:22 ID:Heaven

>>7

The most important rule of thumb in love is that we want what we can't have.

Don't ever talk to her or meet her or look at her picture again. Ever.

Your only other option is to date your love's friend, have her fall in love with you, and hope your love starts to feel she made a mistake in passing on you. But that makes you into an awful, awful person. So get her out of your life, because you're just an interloper.

10 Name: Akagi : 2008-12-24 04:09 ID:09NzOeBy

>>9

But I am already a big part of my loves life. It would be awful of me to just leave her like that, since I AM her most trusted friend, and she already has trust issues.

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-12-24 15:18 ID:ppiEmDbw

>>10

It's awful of you to pretend to be her most trusted friend when you want more than that and she thinks you've moved on. You can spend your life in her shadow wishing she loved you, but that doesn't make you her most trusted fried, it makes you a lap dog.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-12-24 16:20 ID:F1wREc50

yeah, I would 100% recommend that you try to at least get to know the other girl. this kind of puts you in a bad spot though.

  1. If this "double date" is your first date with this girl, make DAMN SURE - I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH - you spend most of the time talking to her and listening to her. try not to look at, think of, and above all COMPARE this girl to the one who's dating the other guy. If you fail at any of these things, the girl who likes you will take it as a great insult, and it's just not cool to insult the ladies.
  2. This "double date" is obviously a two-handed ploy by the girls. First off, to say once and for all that the girl you love doesn't like you, AND a secondary distraction tactic by getting her friend hooked up.
  3. I'd just try and switch up your brain a bit for now - whenever you think of the girl you like, try and shift your brain to think about the things you like about the other girl.

basically, this is a great opportunity for you to get over this other girl.

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-12-25 02:01 ID:+xXnU/li

>>12

>basically, this is a great opportunity for you to get over this other girl.

This. Just try to forget about the other girl; it's clearly going nowhere, and speaking from someone who's learned the hard way, it's not worth agonizing over someone who won't reciprocate your feelings.

14 Name: Akagi : 2008-12-25 02:07 ID:sFx/pmzM

>>11

What should I do then? I am fine with just being close to her, and I like it that she tells me all her problems so I can try to solve them. I think she will eventually come around and appreciate it, then maybe love me back? god that sounds pathetic just typing it....

But i'm a hopeless romantic.

>>12

I don't think that it is a ploy, considering she (the girl I love) has a tendency to be a bit thick when it comes to matters of the heart, and mind. But I shall take your 1st and 3rd advice to heart.

15 Name: Akagi : 2008-12-25 02:22 ID:sFx/pmzM

>>13

Well, she had a guy she loved a while ago, and she might not be entirely over him. So if I wait...She could come around :)

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-12-25 02:59 ID:GeWlzTF0

>>15
Why is it always this way? You think of excuses, lie to yourself, ,etc.
She doesn't like you. i can't think of a clearer way to say it. Move on, great opportunity to hook up with someone in the double date. Sounds like that girl likes you, take advantage of it.

17 Name: Akagi : 2008-12-25 03:09 ID:sFx/pmzM

>>16

I realize she doesn't like me. It's just I dunno, I've already dated other girls. I dated a girl the month I didn't talk to her. But whenever I see or even think about her the feelings alway return full force. Plus I've already tried not thinking about her, but everything I see reminds me of her.

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-12-27 21:05 ID:Heaven

>>17

You have a tendency to be a bit thick when it comes to matters of the heart, and mind.

Since your dead set on wasting your youth as mary's little lamb, here's what you do: As the ultimate act of devotion and caring, you can file a restraining order against yourself on her behalf.

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