Is it always true that the nice ones always finish last? (24)

1 Name: Aretsu : 2009-02-03 20:52 ID:1cLRINEz

I've been single for 20 years (and yes, that's how old I am). I've been told that I'm a sweet person with a personality to match but yet it seems that nobody wants to...how do you say it? "go after me"? I'm not one to cheat or be disloyal or anything but what does it honestly take? Do I have to flash people to get something?

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-03 21:27 ID:9e+sFC09

you need to show that you are interested in sex. You need to really look at the other person, touch it, speak about sex and desire, do the first move, etc.

Nothing of that means that you need to be nasty, violent or disloyal. But at the end of the day, you need to make the others know that you are sexually active, or people won't consider you as a partner.

Blaming your assexual behavior on your kindness is a tragic self deception that you cost you dearly.

3 Name: Aretsu : 2009-02-03 21:35 ID:1cLRINEz

really? maybe this is old fashioned of me, but I just want to be able to date somebody not for the sex but for love. is sex and love equal now or do people have to have sex before getting the relationship? (wow...apparently I'm clueless about this shit.)

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-03 21:47 ID:9e+sFC09

Love is many things (filial, friendship, patriotism, etc). But in romantic love there is always a sexual undercurrent (or why do you think that romantic love always involves people of the other gender for heterosexuals, and same gender for homossexuals?).

So trust me, always mind of sexiness when involved in romantic endeavors, even if actual sex may not occur in the immediate future.

5 Name: Aretsu : 2009-02-03 21:58 ID:1cLRINEz

thanks! I guess I just have to figure out how to exude 'sexiness' without asking for sex. this'll be prudish, but I don't want a sexual relationship unless I'm married to my partner. anyway...Attraction/Flirting/Dating 101, here I come!

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-03 22:04 ID:9e+sFC09

>>5 Good luck to you!

And remember, being sexy and sexually aware does not mean that you have to have sex with the person. The simple fact of holding hands or kissing can be incredibly sexy.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-03 23:25 ID:yz5yJV30

>>5
Make sure to communicate your desires to any potential partner, though.
Some people do not want to get married and believe in open relationships, are very sexually active, etc., so make sure they're okay with that. Otherwise you will have a very frustrated and angry boyfriend or girlfriend on your hands.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-04 07:40 ID:UCnEi0WC

It takes more than being nice to make people want to date you. Knowing a nice guy is, yes, nice, but it's not really a hook. There has to be something interesting about you. A shared interest, a talent, a good sense of humor, an appealing outlook on life. All of this is relative to your partner's tastes, but personally I have never been interested in someone just because they were kindhearted.

It's definitely a plus for some people, though.

9 Name: demo-man : 2009-02-04 10:08 ID:4Q9rnEKZ

>>1

Yo Aretsu, yer just like me. I'm also an old fashioned guy who believes that Sex should be done after marriage. Well, I guess it's going to be hard for guys like us to find true love. most relationships are about sex b4 marriage nowdays just to spice things up. But oh well....let the law of the universe work things out eh?

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-04 11:28 ID:Kz58CWBM

>>8
Man that sucks. Being a nice guy is my only good point.

11 Name: demo-man : 2009-02-04 12:12 ID:4Q9rnEKZ

>>10

Well, sometimes you can be a jerk in the middle of relationship. You can't always think you are a nice guy all the time. Others' perspectives also count.

12 Name: Aretsu : 2009-02-06 18:21 ID:1cLRINEz

well...when I meant "nice" I meant the people who are...hmmm...I don't know how to describe it without potentially/possibly offending somebody but I think people generally know what I mean. Everybody, at one point or another, has their bitchy/bastardy moment (or moments). anyway, all I wanted was to vent my frustration a little. so for everybody, thanks for listening and being patient with me. ^_^

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-06 19:11 ID:Kz58CWBM

>>11

I woulden't know as I have never been in a relationship.

14 Name: Akina : 2009-02-06 19:14 ID:DxqKWVMb

tl;dr

I don't think you should broadcast your interest in sex. I am like you and have found myself in a relationship. You should not put off an assexual vibe, but also don't start talking about your fetishes. I would reccomend not bringing up the topic.

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-07 00:00 ID:sy9mRcz/

>>14 I did not mean that he should go around exposing his genitalia. It's a bit more subtle than that. Do take the time to read ^_^

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-07 04:02 ID:Heaven

My 1st girlfriend devirginized me, I wish I could give my virginity to my future wife, but it won't happen anymore... Dunno... I loved her my first GF so much that I gave up a lot of things, some beliefs, etc... Anyway, I wish you luck... It's gonna be hard, gotta look for someone who has the same views as you (sex after marriage) which is very rare...

17 Name: Otakun : 2009-02-08 09:07 ID:aLoDUaI3

yo! Aretsu!

Since we're in the same nice guy boat heres a big question for ya! If you treat everybody nicely how's a girl that you like supposed to know that they're special to you?

The grass is greener on the otherside as they say, if you want something meaningful you can't just sit by and not do anything. Get out there and do something!

18 Name: Aretsu : 2009-02-09 04:34 ID:1cLRINEz

Otakun,

considering that I'm a girl, I'm sad that I don't know the answer to that question. let me sleep on it and I'll get back to you. ^_^ (oh yeah, sorry if I didn't make that clear to people.)

19 Name: Otakun : 2009-02-09 06:39 ID:aLoDUaI3

It still applies! If you're nice to everyone how's the one you're going for supposed to know they're special?

20 Name: Aretsu : 2009-02-12 01:31 ID:NFN/CpM4

ah, okay...fine, you made me admit it. I don't like the 'chase'. Some people may disagree with me (and actually half of myself disagrees), but I somewhat feel powerless (maybe wrong word choice there) when I have to go after somebody. I'm afraid of rejection; I'm not confident...actually it's more like I don't know how to present myself without wondering whether I sound desperate or stupid or both; and I have this unreasonable fear of 'failed relationships'/responsibility. If I went after Male Person A and our relationship fails, then I'd feel guilty for causing him pain, myself, pain, and etc. But if Male Person B went after me, it'd be easier on my conscience to immediately place all the blame on him (eventually I'd see the light and realize it was our mutual faults but at least my pride would be able to temporarily feed on that). Oh shit...this just tells me that I'm really not ready for all this.

21 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-12 02:45 ID:LkySTG0h

>>20

>>Oh shit...this just tells me that I'm really not ready for all this.

You and me both. I often wonder if I'll ever be ready. Given that I'm cresting 25 and I've still never even been on a date, I'm inclined to believe that the boat has left the dock, and I'd better start to enjoy being single, because that's all I'll ever know.

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-12 03:21 ID:E146GvOh

Grow a pair of balls and ask some girls out. If you wait until you're friends first or until you're sure you love them you'll never see any action.

And don't cry on the internet about how you're a nice guy. You're not, you're a wiener who pretends to be okay with being friends with girls, hoping to worm your way into their pants.

23 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-12 07:52 ID:ihyhtzZJ

>>22 this post is so misguided that it's comical ^_^

Read the thread before farting your prejudices

24 Name: Aretsu : 2009-02-14 02:22 ID:n119v5vp

not to change the topic but to put a little bit of funny in here...since I am a woman, I cannot grow "balls" but damn it, I have OVARIES! ~_^ (<-- props to my sisters for that.) So for the ladies out there who need an expression equivalent to "getting balls" or all that, be proud and say "We got OVARIES!"

...okay now we can go back to the original topic...

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