boyfriend isses [advise me] (19)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-04 07:47 ID:bDQ5YVdK

Hey, im 17 and my boyfriend is 18; i know its young though id like to think were pretty serious (even though i realize at this age its unlikely we would be getting married)
we don't live together or anything stupid and since i just started my final year of school im not seeing him as often as i used to.

we started off strong and were going great and started having sex; this was all fine.
then suddenly in the last month i made a threat. . . okay so he smokes weed quite abit with his friends which dosnt greatly bother me as most people here do it, though on one occasion i told him it was okay to go out that night, though just once i didn't want him smoking weed or it would be 'over'.
he still smoked the weed. i dumped him. he apologized and 2 days later we were back together again, on his request.

ever since then Ive found him irritating and rude.
he will often hang up on me if we have a disagreement and he is a lot more irritable.
im not sure if im just starting to notice these things because i am suddenly not trusting him as much (because in my mind he chose weed over me) or weather its only started since that incident.

i realize i can tend to be slightly clingy and that he is overprotective though in all our many months this has been more of a good thing for each of us rather than bad.

how do i tell if he is disinterested in me?

when i try and speak to him, due to his cultural up bringing, it is only his opinion which matters and mine is always seen as selfish and invaluable. but i still love him.
i know he cares about me from the way he looks at me and the smaller things he does and also the way he speaks about me to everyone. though im starting to fear the worst.
i understand i am a nervy person, but something is not right in my heart. and i need help differentiating weather it is just a phase or weather i should perhaps end it now before he thinks this retarded behavior is acceptable.

how can i speak to him about my feelings without him getting angry and snappy?

how can i tell what his intentions are?

please any help in general is much needed right now.
comfort or pain i need to hear the brutal honesty. thanks all.

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-04 08:27 ID:MZ1bL6q+

After getting over my annoyance at all the mispelled words and incorrect use syntax and grammar in your post I can say that firstly marijuana is more likely to give someone lung and mouth, etc., cancer than cigarettes are (x50 more) and literally fries parts of your brain, affecting in particular short term memory. It isn't as bad as alchohol though so I suppose let him keep smoking. Anyway it seems rather strange that all of a sudden, for such a minor thing he gets upset at you. Maybe it isn't your fault at all. Maybe it's something else. The key to all good relationships is communciation. Instead of asking an Internet board, you should ask your boyfriend. Talk to him about it. Be direct.

3 Name: squall : 2009-02-04 09:46 ID:KB3/ki2i

Just dump him and tell him to drop dead. Once he's addicted to weed, he'll be addicted forever.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-04 17:25 ID:QoJtaF9D

You have a whole lot of issues here: pot smoking, lack of respect for your opinions, and behavior problems.

As for the pot smoking, I would have no hopes on that side. You can at best ask him not to smoke in your presence, but that's it. If you really can't stand it, dump him. And I don't say this in his favor, I could not go out with a smoker, pot or tobacco.

As for the other two problems, they are much more serious and deep. The only solution I can see for that is to call him up to it. Just explain what you explained in your post: he's behaving irritably, and not really having an exchange. Tell him that in a couple, if one person has a problem, both have it, so he can't just dismiss you. Also, instead of being irritated at you, he should just express his feelings (maybe he was hurt by being dump, and holds it agains you). If nothing of this works, I suggest you dump him.

5 Name: OP : 2009-02-05 06:03 ID:bDQ5YVdK

Last night we actually had another argument, over the phone.
now the problem with him is that hes very agessive when it comes to confrontation and also rather arrogant. were both arrogant, but hes surely the worse.
everytime i try speak to him about these issues he will hang up and ignore me for 2 days , and if were in person he will walk away and not speak to me unless i kiss up to him.

its too much hassel, but theres something forcing me to hold onto him.

thanks all.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-05 13:58 ID:QoJtaF9D

Sounds like an immature person. Either you decide that you can "educate" him, or you walk out of the relationship.

I would favor the second option. After all, there are plenty of more mature people around, why waste your time and suffer through him?

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-06 21:22 ID:xijSiSIm

Dump his ass.

Be smart enough to realize when someone is mistreating you, and strong enough to stand up for yourself when it happens. It doesn't sound like you're gaining anything by staying with him. Single life is better than waiting for a callous pothead to suddenly become enlightened and treat you with respect.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-06 23:59 ID:HOu1UIbU

>>7 wise words. Heed them

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-08 21:33 ID:TIvxxWCf

>everytime i try speak to him about these issues he will hang up and ignore me for 2 days , and if were in person he will walk away and not speak to me unless i kiss up to him.
>its too much hassel, but theres something forcing me to hold onto him.

Watch and learn, anonymous. Chicks dig jerks.

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-16 01:31 ID:YfvaVWAu

18 with weeds?
hmm...
he asked you to go back to you but in fact he doesn't want to change for you... and that is a really bad habit...
you better dump him before you're getting deeply in love with him...
does he have any good for you?

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-16 18:46 ID:gj/sN9rJ

Remember this: women don't change men. They think they can, but they cant't.

Besides, if he's being all arrogant and thinks his opinions are so better than yours, he definitely won't listen to you. He's being an ass, so, kick his ass.

Also, if he's on pot today, you never know what might come up tomorrow. Especially if he's so self-confident.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-17 00:39 ID:0fL3J08C

>its too much hassel, but theres something forcing me to hold onto him.

There is nothing forcing you but your own fear of leaving him.

You can do better.

Leave him and become stronger.

13 Name: Shades : 2009-03-08 22:36 ID:DrPwgqQy

all men is like a boy, do not hope a man to change...
but if a man change for a girl then it was fine-sure-good thing.

thats why wise word saying love start from his bad side first, then his best part,
im not saying u must lov his weed-pot-smoke stuff... meant u gotta think ur self thru it... like is it tolerable?, can i change his attitude? does those stuff any good in the future ... etc n else.

personally i think if ur boyfriend cant be changed AKA hopeless i suggest u to walk out.

life is already tough, u wouldnt need another problem as additions anymore.

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-09 06:38 ID:7mwfRb0K

Get out of it, he's a real jerk. Don't ever think you can change a man. You can't.

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-19 20:29 ID:Oe7kAhJs

"then suddenly in the last month i made a threat"

Do you like being threatened? Ultimatums are not a good policy in general unless you are wholely intent on carrying out the 'or else' part. Otherwise you are making an empty threat, and you will be disappointed except from a softy. I'm guessing you made your threat in order to get a special feeling that he would choose you over weed, and he disappointed you. Cest la vive.

"due to his cultural up bringing, it is only his opinion which matters and mine is always seen as selfish and invaluable"

Unhealthy. Plus you just justified his abusive attitude, making this acceptable behavior to in your own eyes. Unhealthy ^ 2. Sounds like you will always be, in that relationship, a second class citizen. Its not impossible to change, but its not guaranteed to happen either, especially anytime soon.

Just consider that.

>>2
Last four lines... yes yes yes yes.

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-20 08:42 ID:p6+aJDmh

op is the future victim of a wife beater

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-20 23:27 ID:/TSV8nr2

>>16
Very possible

Run girl! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-21 00:19 ID:bDQ5YVdK

im the girl who posted the thread "difficult boyfriend [advise me]" (still wanting replies)
however whoever you are this story is almost the exact same as one of the situations i have been in with my boy, and look where were at now, 2months later.
be careful .
what ethnicity is he? you said about culture, mine is Serbian.

best of luck my friend. i pity you greatly however i understand what you mean about loving them, the downs are bad but the good times are better than anything.
x

19 Name: StoodCorrected : 2009-03-21 22:27 ID:svHAT53W

>>14

I would have to disagree with you. The same thing actually happened to me with my girlfriend. I smoked alot of pot before i met her. But when i did, she told me how much she cared about me and wanted me to be safe, so i stopped.

In response, tell him how much it would mean to you, and how you just care about him and you dont want him to be hurt in anyway. If he understands, then great. But if not, I would say give it some time and if he doesnt change, then end the relationship, because otherwise ur just going to get hurt,

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